Monday, April 16, 2012

Things that make me nauseous

Well, I wish I was posting that pregnancy did. 
You know you suffer from IF when you would gladly take nausea 24 7 
if it meant you were preggers lol

Dave Letterman has inspired me tonight, since I am suffering from nausea even as I type. I just e-filed our taxes

No really, here is my Top 10 list for right now (could/does change daily):

10. broken bones - it makes me so queasy to see broken bones and I felt pretty sick when I broke my foot

 9. kids or adults getting sick - I am just not the kind who can stomach watching, helping, seeing, smelling it... I am usually right behind them doing it too

8. people talking about inappropriate subjects at meals - people I don't want nor need to hear about your ailments at lunch

7. waking up late and being in a hurry - I guess maybe its the rush from jumping out of bed and running around like a chicken with my head cut off... but I usually feel like I could ralph until I am settled where I am supposed to be even though I am late.

6. pets that are mistreated - the ASPCA (sp?) commercials kill me, I cry every time, but the people who are able to abuse them just make me sick. Every time I look at my sweet Zeke I just cant imagine doing anything to hurt him.

5. teacher evaluations - ENOUGH SAID

4. speaking in front of HUGE crowds - Recently our school granted a Make a Wish wish for the sweet girl with a blood disorder. I had to do a "cake decorating" demo in front of our entire school students, faculty, and staff... I am great in front of a class, a few classes, even the faculty but the gym bleachers full and standing room only I honestly thought I might need to run to the bathroom. 

3. people who don't pay attention to their kids because they want to have fun, be cool, or are just bothered by them - If you are not ready to have children or wish you didn't have them... Let me adopt them don't leave them alone or let them play in/wander the streets. I get it that some people are just not grown up yet, but come on don't act like they are imposing on your time. Set some boundaries... rules are a great start. I guess because I want children so desperately I am just more sensitive, but there are people in walmart, at the park, at schools, and in the neighborhood that just don't get it. Kids no matter how young or old need structure. When people don't provide that structure and loving environment it makes me sick to my stomach.

2. people who don't try to get pregnant but do and then tell everyone it was an accident - If you have said this I am sorry, but no child is an accident. God had/has a reason he wanted you to be that child's parent... Obviously if you were having sex... you knew that was a possibility. Just hearing someone say those words,  I get that pit in my stomach and then the nausea 

1. TAXES - Last but not least tonight... My husband's w4 was not filled out correctly when we got married and now we are reaping the great fortune of having to pay taxes... ALOT to me and yes that just means we got more during the year, but when you don't know how much it will end up being you have no way of knowing what to save. So Uncle Sam, I will be paying in installments... that is if you allow that... So the waiting on the confirmation begins. And the new corrected w4 will be mailed to his employer ASAP. So maybe just maybe we might get some money back next year.

If you made it this far, I am sorry it this is kind of rant-y...These things really do make me feel sick to my stomach and have all happened in my presence on more than one occasion in recent times. 
OK maybe not #10 - it has been a while in real life, 
but it did happen on a show I like to watch RHOC... Poor Eddie and his pinkie. 

Just another Manic Monday, oh a whoa wish it was Sunday.... :)

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Day dreaming...

That is where I feel I have been on our adoption journey thus far...

I got our packet today from the adoption agency we thought would be a great fit. Little did I know that we will be headed back to the drawing board. When we checked into this journey last summer, I check out a national agency that has a local office here in our area. I was completely floored at how much it would cost us to adopt a baby through them. Along this journey I have sense found that there are more agencies locally that are not quite as expensive. So, I really excited when I found an agency that was affiliated with my church denomination. I thought oh this is for sure the place for us. I filled out our pre application and thought, OK here we go!

Well to my dismay the pre application didn't make it to them, so I was in contact with them last week and they got it, and sent us our packet. We were both excited to open it together and see what all was in there, since the website was a tad vague. Well, I know that those of you who have adopted have experience with how expensive it is to adopt, but my hopes and dreams of getting far in this process were kind of snuffed out when I saw and did the calculations of exactly how much it will cost us even on a sliding scale. And let me be frank, neither one of us make too terribly much in comparison to the the top out of the sliding scale but we are not that far from the top. So, I am just a little worried that this is not going to happen for us.

I would love to chat with some of you about this. I just don't know how or where to start to save the amount of money we are talking here. I guess it's back to the drawing board and maybe we will look into adoption lawyers to see what the difference in price is.

I completely understand why it is not a cake walk to be able to adopt to make sure that people are serious, and that the babies will have a great forever family. But, why do they make it so hard. Is living with the Scarlet letters IF not bad enough??? Nope, lets make it a little harder. I would venture to say that most people who can have their own kids couldn't afford adoption fees if they were imposed on you for your own children. Am I the only one who feels or thinks this? Just wondering.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Glad That Is Over!

First, I would like to thank you girls for your thoughts and prayers! I know I couldn't have gotten through it without them. Second, let me say I WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!!!

First of all, ever since we made the appointment my issues have gotten more haywire. So, I wasn't even sure if we would do the biopsy today or not. But, to my surprise they wanted to go ahead with it. So, I took some ibuprofen on my way there. As she was getting ready to start the procedure she said, " I love your toenail polish." I was like nice, she is trying to make small talk. LOL She tried to tell me what everything was while she was doing it but quickly realized that was not a good idea when I jumped and say OMG please stop! So then she started whispering to the nurse. About that same time the nurse told me I needed to breathe. Apparently, the pain was so terrible I was holding my breath.

The words you never want to hear during something like this... Oh man I need to do that again. Well I heard them :( And so by that time I was sobbing... Yes, I did become a child version of myself boohooing. The nurse gave me a tissue and said you are doing so good. I was having flash backs from having strep throat and having to get shots in my younger years. Well, she finally finished what felt like an hour of torture, really only like 10 mins and gave me the bad news. No nothing about what she found... WORSE. That there was probably not going to be enough of a specimen for the pathology to find anything. So, basically I went through all of this maybe for nothing.
So, in about 3 or 4 weeks I will be having a sonohysterogram and she swore to me after what I did today, it will be a piece of cake... but that is not what I have read or heard...So, be ready to hear about that crazy adventure in a month or so. In the mean time, I will know something or maybe nothing at all, this time next week about my torturous biopsy.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Biting My Nails & So Happy!

Well, I have been having some issues the past couple of months... have not felt myself AT ALL and things have been off. Crazy pretty much sums it up. At the recommendation of a teacher friends I went to the Doctor. I expected to get some provera and be on my way. Instead I am scheduled for an endometrial biopsy in two days, and a sonahysterogram after that... I have been having terrible cramping and sharp pains among other things I wont go into... I am scared to know what might be going on, and if I were a nail biter I would not have any nails left. I am just ready to know what is going on, and it is just a bunch of waiting. After my biopsy Thursday, I wont know any results until the following Friday the 13th. Really?!?!? I would absolutely love any prayers you can lift up.

In other news I am am completely ELATED and over the moon for A and her husband on the birth of their baby boy Luke! Check out her page and see how precious that sweet baby boy is! I am so happy for them. It gives me so much hope for our journey to our little gift from God.