Friday, April 29, 2011

The one I call Best Friend...

Through out your life you meet many people you think are worthy of your friendship. Some are just that, others not so much. I have been truly blessed to have many many friends in my 31 years, and I have seen some come and stay for a little while, and some stay for a long while. I had friends from childhood that even through the years we keep up, then those that I might hear from every once in a while. Then of course there are those I wonder what the heck are they doing now??? I had the best friends from high school that I was going to have in my wedding... Then graduation came a long and we all went our separate ways. Some of those friends have come back in my life years later, others haven't.

In college I met so many new friends, DG friends, U of M Athletic friends, dorm friends, education friends, etc. When joining DG I heard all about the life long friends that you will meet... I thought it was cool, but wasn't sure if that was the case.

I think that many people are friends for many different reasons. Some want to be like you, some want to be better than you, some just want a warm body in their corner, and then some just want to be there for you with you, beside you when you need them not just when they need you.

I think nowadays there is a misconception of what a TRUE friend is. I think many people think as long as they know you they are friends with you. Others feel like if you have ever hung out then you have a life long relationship going. Some think you are a true friend if you just have fun with them. Well the definition of friend is as follows:
a person attached to another by feelings of affection orpersonal regard.
a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends ofthe Boston Symphony.
a person who is on good terms with another; a person whois not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?
a member of the same nation, party, etc.

When I stop to think about all of the people I call my best friends, there are some that fall under all of the above, and then there are some that don't really fit all of them. I tend to give my all to my friends because it is the right thing to do. I don't always get that in return. But, it isn't all about what I get out of it, after all it is better to give then receive.

So back to college... that was the time that I met the friend that I totally clicked with and would never have known at that time how close we would be. DG was doing spring rush, which wasn't a norm for us and a pledge sister invited a girl from one of her science classes. I thought she was nice, a bit loud, but hey she was probably nervous. I didn't really think much about it until I was asked to be her big sister instead of another girl that I originally was supposed to take as a lil sis. Well, our first encounter was in the Tiger Den. I was going to buy her lunch, except she seemed to be GAGA over this guy and he bought her lunch. I really didn't get a word in edgewise that day. I began to think great, I am stuck with "this girl." Well, next was big sis revealment. It was a little akward... but I was going to get to know her. And by the time she was initiated, I was starting to see that we were going to be great friends, although the boy was ALWAYS there. lol

Fast forward some time, and She and I were developing a friendship that was not like most. She and I could go out and have a blast, she and I were there for each other through thick and thin, crying, laughing, acting goofy. Wether it be hanging out at her tiny little apartment, or driving to DC to spend our spring break at her parents house, we were always together.

Well, that boy would ask her to marry him and then we got to be even closer planning her wedding. It was super fun getting to plan her wedding with her, kind of my first rodeo of many too come ;) I remember thinking, man I am so happy for her, even a little proud, because I had watched their relationship blossom from the beginning. Not long after her wedding, she found out she was pregnant. OMG I remember the phone call vividly, because I thought someone had died. She was a basket case, and at that time I was just telling her, at least your married. It's not so bad...

9 months later she asked me to be in the room when sweet little one was born. This was yet another time that we became even closer. She thought so much of me that she allowed me the opportunity to support her on this big day, but also take part in the miracle of life (I tear up thinking about that night, it was truly AMAZING). I was the first person other than the doctors to hold this precious miracle. Never in a million years would I have known then what an impact that made on me at that point. Not long after my best friend broke the news that she was moving her family to DC. I was devastated. It came right at the end of my college experience, the beginning of my teacher life. I needed her so badly, but it was the best move for her family.

Now at this point, it could have been the end of that chapter and one we both went our separate ways. But, neither of us wanted that to be the end. I had a big girl job now and could go visit every chance I could. A few years of trips back and forth and she called to tell me she was having another baby. This time I was not able to be there for the gender ultrasound, or showers... So, her parents flew me up to surprise her. It was the best day. Sweet little one was born a few months before my next trip.

Fast forward yet again, I get a phone call to say GUESS WHAT... we are moving back. This time I saw the house they were buying before she did. I wasn't impressed, but the hubs talked her into it. It looked much like a money pit to me at the time. But this is where I must insert that her faith and trust in her husband and her ability to take a risk just amazed me. I hoped and prayed that one day I would get the opportunity to trust and put my faith in someone like she did.

The first year back I was like mom no.2 while she traveled more days out the week than she was home. It was at that point (now looking back) that she was sad that she wasn't there for all the moments I shared with her little ones. But, me being there for her helped ease the tug of war that she was dealing with. She was promoted a little while later and was home. Just in time for elementary school.

It was so wonderful to have her so close. We were able to chat on the phone and hang out face to face. She was there for me when relationships began, were rocky, and ended. she always was there to listen, give advice, and make me feel better. Then one day, I met my boy. I had to have her and the hubs approval... and they liked him, almost more than me at first. lol Now it was my turn. Wedding planning, she stood right in the same place as I did for her, on my wedding day. She gave the most heartfelt, and special toast at my reception.

Fast forward, she was there when my first few months of TTC weren't working. She was there to listen, not really know what it was like, but she didn't pretend to know. I needed that. She prayed and prayed that we would have a baby. She was there for every step of the iui process, even when I couldn't talk about the fact that it didn't work. She really just listened. She never tried to smooth it over or turn the attention away from my feelings.

I love her so much, its like she is blood relative really.

Well, a few weeks ago, she called me, and I knew from her voice of excitement she was pregnant. Man, it really honestly sent me into a tail spin, but I was so happy for her. She always wanted to have bunch of kiddos. But, the most important thing to me was, that I was the one she wanted to tell before she told her parents and other friends. She wanted to share this with me... I was honored.

She ended up going to the doctor early, due to some stuff. And they saw two sacs but only one baby. I was so worried for her. She was super upset, totally understandable. I prayed so hard that everything would be ok. Well the prayers worked, when they went back this week, there were 2 sacs and 2 heartbeats. She is having twins. This is where I was reminded just how true a friend she is, she is so attached to my emotions, she wanted to tell me but knew it was going to hurt. She and I had a little cry about how life has taken us or not taken us where we want to go. But, with her I can say I feel "xyz" and she understands and/or gives me a pass. You don't find this everyday.

I thank God Jess came into my life when she did and has stayed for always. I know that God hand picked her just for me. I don't know that many can say they have a truly fabulous and wonderful friend like I have. I hope and pray that this pregnancy goes as well as her two previous. And maybe in some way, God is giving her twins so I can again be there for her, because hey, she is going to need more hands :)

Thursday, April 21, 2011

A Little To Close To Home...

I am sure many of you have watched the show Biggest Loser. Well this season it has hit way to close to home. After 2 years of trying to get pregnant. Two contestants this year told everyone that they were wanting to lose weight now more than ever because one just wants to have children like we do, and the other one has had multiple miscarriages due to her weight. Well last Tuesday while Olivia was crying and asking them to keep her. I had a break through! THIS WOMAN IS ME... Call it what you want. But I went to read her bio and she too has PCOS, diet and exercise were her problem. I so connect with her and she is SO strong. And right then and there I was determined I too would break this cycle and lose weight so I too could finally get the baby I long for so desperately!

Which brings me to our Healthy School Team and the Shelby County Schools
BIGGEST LOSER Contest... SCS style

Well Monday was a scary day! I signed up to be on my school's biggest loser team. So we had our first weigh in. I know that you are supposed to weigh heavy the first time so that it looks good for the first weigh in... Well I weighed heavy alright. It was a moment of pure disappointment, in me, in my husband, my family...
BEFORE!!!! 100 lbs lighter and H O T T!!! No wonder he wanted to date me :) lol
Me on Monday stepping onto the scale :(

WHY DIDN'T ANYONE say "MORGAN DROP THE CHALUPA!!!" No really, I just can believe the morbid transformation that has occurred in the past 4 years. Yep you read that right 4 years. I have gained 100 lbs since the fall that I met my hunka burning love... I mean I know that love makes you do crazy things, but JEEZE there has to be a stop to it!

100 lbs... let me paint you a little picture...

100 lb bag of coffee
100 lb. pumpkin

100 lb. dog

100 lb. weights
100 lb. model

Oh and our healthy school plan leader stated that she weighed 105.. so I could almost put a picture of her on here too! OMG Its amazing I can get out of bed in the morning. My heart is probably saying " I think I can... but, put down the food, I think I can... get off your rear end... I sure hope I can keep this woman alive!"

I have really been on the straight and narrow this week though. I bought into this and am going to do my darnedest to be THE BIGGEST LOSER at my school!!! I mean really I have have no choice I am the largest person on the team. I haven't eaten sweets minus a few star burst all week. I have eaten salads most of the week for lunches, with either chicken or turkey meat on them. I have even eaten breakfast every morning. Next week I am adding in walking with my bestie at Shelby Farms. Once school is out I can go into full force with workout and be the food Nazi... NO FAT FO YOU!!!

There are only 3 weigh ins and it is mostly on your own, but I CAN and WILL do this! I have until October and I know that I will be successful! I will update often because I know that this is going to be a hard road, and I will need to vent and share my successes.

I guess that is all for now... gonna go drink some more water before bed.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

FAIL!!! Well at least one thing went right...

Ok so you know that we are fixing up this old house... well I ordered some bedding for a "mock bed" in the 3rd bedroom. We previously used it as an office. I had originally painted it Tiger Blue. I had a silver and black futon and corner desk for my computer. Well after that computer crashed the year Robbie and I met, it became the catch all room. So with this whole selling the house thing I had clean out and paint my Tiger Blue room. It was a sad sad day!
But now that it is painted I have to furnish it. Which brings me back to the original issue... The mock bed. Well, we bought a new bed in January and still have had the box springs, taking up room in the garage of course, Side Bar: Hub's lawn trailer was until recently a cross between the Beverly Hillbillies and Sanford and Son with all the junk we were cleaning out but had no room for. Anyway, my mom had a great idea to use the box springs doubled up as a sort of day bed in the room to make it look bigger. So, tonight I finally got the box springs in the room got my new bedding out to see what it looks like.... This is where the fail comes in. :( I bought a queen size bed in a bag from Macy's for get this SUPER CHEAP!! $29.99. It was some super deal because now it is $49.99 and after opening it... I wouldn't pay that. Here is the pic from Macy's site:
Well it is not long enough to cover the ends of the box springs. The thing that gets me is that the bed skirt that came with it fits the length and ends, but not the comforter.

So, here is what I think I might do, put the bed on the opposite wall pushed into the corner(not my favorite idea, but...). That way I can hide one end and instead of using it as a daybed, it will just have to be a twin bed. I plan on having the room finished by the weekend and will post pictures.

My question to you is, comment on what 2 accent colors you think I should use. Our other bedrooms are nothing like this one. Our master is spa blue and brown and the guest room is done in golds and reds (can you tell I like those colors???). I have 2 colors I think would be good, but would love other opinions :)

Oh and here are 2 pic of the new roman shade look a likes I bought this weekend to cover the back and garage door. Since Zeke chewed the blinds on those doors to pieces. I love love love them and it makes the kitchen look so much better than the chewed up blinds lol.

Now off to bed so I will be bright eyed and bushy tailed for day 2 of TCAP.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

DIY Post #2 Kitchen Tile

This is our... "Renovation Realities" (my fav DIY show) Project :)
This project took a good month from finish to completion. There were moments when I really truly thought OMG this is never going to be done. But the finished product is well worth the time it took busy busy folks to finish!

The big decision... the left tile was a 17x17 tile that was more of a solid color not much variation, but had some texture (from Lowes). Choice two was 18x18 tile that had more color variation that was paired at Home Depot with the tile we picked as a back splash(already installed). I posted this pic on Facebook asking for opinions the left one by a vote or two, but we ultimately decided on the right choice. We are super happy that we did!!!

Hallway before the tile job started... bare concrete

Tiles are in but not grouted yet.

The boys started on the kitchen and this is about 3 hours in... Can we say NOT motivated :) lol

Morning of Day 2, this is what was finished on Day one of Kitchen Tile

Another view of day one progress... on to day 2

Day 2 of breakfast area/ kitchen tile

More of day 2 of kitchen tile

After many weeks of weekend and a few nights work, we began grouting and finishing up. Here are the finished pictures.

Grout it in!

Grout is dry and looks FAB!!!
looking from the living room

breakfast area before we brought the table back in.

This is where the magic happens lol! Really I do spend many hours right here on weekend nights making cakes :)

Walkway to the garage and laundry room

Thank You Lord!!! We have completed this Kitchen!!!

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Bitter Sweet...

That is the only way to sum up my feelings. I'm happy, but sad. I have really been trying to suppress my wanting a baby lately to focus on other things. But , literally everyone I know is knocked up. And to make it worse, most of them are on their 2nd and even 3rd. And of course many have just decided to start trying and BAM! Then there is me infertile Square peg. I'm feeling really lousy! Trying not to give up hope but its really hard and I feel like I'm being left behind. :(

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Things that make you go Hmmm...

So at many different times in my life I have noticed peoples actions and wonders wth??? In my experience I have taken what people say and do as good examples or not so hot examples. Why is it that as we get older some people grow older too and then there are those who seem to be stuck in egocentric mode or highschool stupidity. I am sure this is only a question that God himself could begin to explain to me.

I know as women we are prone to drama whether we like it or not, but come on folks we are in our thirties... Well some of us( I know some of you reading this aren't... But you are close lol) recently I was exposed to this type of behavior from the male persuasion... Really? How old are we? Is it really cool at 30 or more to make fun of your friend? I have found that thing we thought were hilarious at 20 are just not anymore.

Another thing I wonder is that if we continue to repeat something over and over are we trying to convince ourselves or are we trying convince others??? If we are excited about something but put a but blah blah blah in there to follow, are we really excited or we just trying to make ourselves feel better. This is kind of what leads me to my next hmmm...

Last but not least, yes I have given up trying for a baby right now, truly because I feel like God has pushed me in a different direction. But I still have feelings about it. I have overwhelming excitement for friends who are pregnant. Sure I do have moments where I wish it were me but, others I just wish those who were pregnant wouldn't share quite so much. Now, I don't mean to offend anyone who is pregnant and I am happy and have joy in my heart for you and your baby. I know sometimes people say that only a mother would understand... Well I think only a person who has really had trouble with getting or staying pregnant can understand where I am coming from. I think we(fertility
challenged) get a bad rap for not being happy or are seen as jealous but really it just is like putting salt in an open wound to hear every detail of the pregnancy.

But enough about that, I have two friends/ family who have had a terrible time at this adventure but both have been blessed with a sweet
little gift and I am just completely overjoyed for them both. One was a product of IVF and the other have been blessed with the ability to
stay pregnant. I have prayed and prayed for both couples and it gives me great joy to know the prayers are working. :)

I just needed to get that off my chest. Was going to post more pictures and post about the kitchen being done, but can't do it from my phone and now look where I went. Guess that was weighing on me, yep that was my rant post for the month lol