Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Merry Christmas!

Today is Christmas Eve. I am so truly blessed in so many ways. I have seen the quote circulating around on FB that says something like, as we grow older, our Christmas list gets smaller because the gifts we want can't be bought... or something like that. This year more than ever I truly believe this. Not that I didn't before, but I really have had a hard time when people ask me what I would like coming up with anything that I truly want more than a baby. Of course only God can give us that.

I have written previously that this Christmas time was going to be especially hard. I would have been 13 weeks and 5 days today. But honestly, I have had moments that were tough. But thanks to all of the prayers sent up for me, and the distraction of the hustle and bustle... probably way more the prayers, I have been alright. Your prayers have helped ease a time that could have been a very depressing time for me.

I love how the hope, even the smallest amount of it left, kinda floats up when you need it to. It is keeping me afloat in this Christmas season. This is such a wondrous time of year. To think that Mary and Joseph just went, knowing that there might not be a place for them, knowing that she was going to have Jesus any time now, they went anyway. I pray that I can have as much trust in God to lead us where we need to go. Praying it is down the road to parenthood. But, if not I pray we trust him to show us what he really has in store for our lives.

During this season of waiting... I have been doing a lot of that... and my hope was a little frazzled... I should have ovulated well over a week ago... The hubs and I had a convo Sunday night at dinner about it being bd day... He was like to be honest I have kind of given up. I said we can put it off til tomorrow if would like to ( knowing in my heart it could put us out of the running), but told him there is still a chance that with me being sick and all the parties and what not that it was just delayed a little... see there that little bit of hope keeps poking its head... but low and behold I got a little present today... of all days... looks like ovulation is upon us. This is the kind of thing that makes me smile, not because I want a baby more than life itself, but because God has shown me that I need to be patient, and let him do his thing!

I hear and trust you God! And, St. Andrew if you have anything to do with this I thank you too!
Merry Christmas too all!

Saturday, December 14, 2013


Around this time of year most people associate 12 with the days of Christmas.... But for me this year, it is the milestone of 12 weeks I should be celebrating. I have dealt with this loss pretty well considering (I guess... I've obviously never dealt with this type of loss before). But today, I would have been 12 weeks exactly. Our plan was to shout it from the roof tops around this time. But, silently I am sad, even cried a bit on my way to a Christmas party.
My day started with packing a small truck( not really, but no lie I looked like a bag lady walking in to school) for Polar Express day. I had to take all the ingredients for making hot chocolate from scratch, and gingerbread cookies, bells, etc. We wore our PJs and watched the movie. It was a super busy day, which really helped keep my mind off things.  After school I had to burn the birthday dvd I made for my sister. While doing so I talked with Robbie about who was coming to the party and what not. Then I realized there will be pregnant people at the party. This was never really that big of a deal before, but tonight it started me thinking about what today was.

I headed off to my DG Christmas party. I always love seeing these lovely ladies. I miss seeing them as often as we used to, but everyone has life going on, children, jobs, etc. It is always great to see them and laugh about stupid things, catch up on what is going on with everyone. We play dirty Santa and this year I lost the most awesome gift. But that is ok, its not about that. Tonight was tough at times. Only 2 of these girls know about our loss. So, I couldn't really talk about it. We are throwing a Christmas party tomorrow night and I had to leave earlier than usual so I could finish shopping for the party and come home to clean up the house... Here I sit writing a blog post instead. I am just worn out. Why is it that when we have so much going on we are so worn out it almost seems impossible to get anything done.

I am rambling now... I need to go to bed, but I just needed to tell someone about my struggle today. I don't want talk to the hubs about it because I don't want him to get upset or down in the dumps about it.   I guess I will always have days like these. I am grateful that I don't have them that often. I am also grateful that so many people are praying for me and our journey. I think that that might just be the reason I have fewer sad days that happy.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Mayo Family Tradition... ends with a fat lip

Every year we get together at my parents to decorate their 12 ft tall christmas tree. Now my mom overdoes ever holiday, but christmas is at the top of the list. She has like 6 trees through out the house. The big one has lots of our ornaments from over the year and she gets new ones each year. They are the glass specialty kind. It really is the most beautiful tree when we are all finished. We always watch Christmas Vacation while we decorate.

This year my sister is a big as the broad side of a barn talking about how much the baby is moving, her fiance is not really into the decorating, my hubs is helpful but really doesn't want to help, my dad is busy on his computer, bring the tree downstairs is what he has done to help out. I am stuck helping mom and lets just face it I have already completely decorated my own tree.

This year we decorated half and ate dinner. Afterwards Robbie and I start hanging things on the tree. My mom goes up the stairs behind it to put stuff in the top of the tree... and loses her footing and slips down the stairs, and ends up on top of a large rubbermaid tub of very breakable ornaments. I rush over to help check her out and she thinks she is ok. See she has an artificial knee so I am asking how her knee is, she kind of looked stunned but said her knees were fine. But I quickly notice she is bleeding from her mouth. I took her in the bathroom and it appears she has bit her upper lip. Needless to say we all flipped out, my pregnant sister freaked and was crying. Then my mom was crying because she just wanted to get the tree done. I then started feeling like a heel for not finishing it earlier in the night... Tomorrow my mom is going to be so sore I am sure. I just hope and pray that the lip is really the only injury. It scared the crap out of me.

So, if you could please say a prayer that she is ok and not in too much pain. We are taking a taller ladder over tomorrow night to finish putting the ornaments and topper on the tree... But I am thinking they just need a shorter tree.

Monday, December 2, 2013

December Adopt A Blogger

I am so honored to have been nominated as the adopt a blogger this month. Here is a brief look into my little life. I am a 1st grade teacher in my hometown. I am married to my best friend, and have two precious pups, Zeke and Zoe. We moved back in March and live just down the street from my parents and about a mile from his mom.  I have never wanted anything more than to be wife and mom. My sister lives in my town too, she is pregnant with her first due in March. Anyway, my husband and I got married in June 2008. A few months before we got married I got the mirena iud, because we weren't planning on having kids quickly. Well, before our first anniversary, the kiddo bug had bit us both and I got it removed. I must add here we were some of the last of our friends to get married and by our first anniversary everyone was on there first and/or second child. At this point they all made it look so easy. We completely were blindsided by all the talk of PCOS, infertility, and being branded by my obgyn. 

So, in 2010 my obgyn referred me to an RE in my town. Well, he said weight had a lot to do with it, so I tried to lose weight. I lost a little and we did 2 rounds of clomid, when that was not working we did clomid, shots, and iui. It was again a big disappointment on top of the craziness the meds caused me. I had a moment of clarity and we took some time off. Fast forward to 2011, new obgyn and new thing thrown at me.... weightloss surgery. Fast forward to Nov 2012 I bit the bullet, committed to losing the weight, had surgery, and 11 months and 90 lbs later we start trying again after 4 1/2 year of never getting pregnant. With A LOT of prayer and ovulation sticks, I was sure I was out, but low and behold, our prayers were answered. Unfortunately, the weekend after my confirmation appointment with a new obgyn and close friend, I started miscarrying. At that point it was bitter sweet. I was so happy, happier than I have ever been for the 10 or 12 days that I knew I was pregnant... As much pain as I was feeling afterwards, I had to hold on to the fact that I had gotten pregnant without meds and or doctors. 

Today (of all days) is the start of a new cycle and we have the hope that this cycle could be our very own Christmas miracle. The holidays have always been a little tough, this one will be a little tougher, knowing I should have been ending my first trimester on Christmas eve... We were so excited. We even got reveal pictures taken the day before the miscarriage happened to give as Christmas gifts. Thank you for taking the time to read about me, and more importantly for the prayers! Please leave me comments of things you would like prayers for. I am praying the St. Andrews Novena right now and would love to pray for you too! 

Here is the link to the adopt-ablogger blog

THANK YOU in advance and Merry Christmas!

It's A Wonderful Life...

One of my favorite Christmas movies.... But, truly I kind of feel like George and Mary with this old house... the only thing missing is all the children. But, now that we have the space, hopefully God will bless us with at least one kiddo to fill some of these rooms.  I am praying the St. Andrew's novena from Nov. 30th  - Christmas. I find it so calming and really draws me closer to God.
Aside from the prayer putting me in the Christmas spirit, my Christmas cards came yesterday!!! And this Thanksgiving break I have spent a lot of time decorating our spaces. I also got a super black Friday deal on a new bigger Christmas tree. I am so loving all the decorations, and get the biggest smile on my face when I look around our humble abode. :) "Smiling is my favorite!"  - Elf

Anyway here a few pics of Christmas at the Robbins' Roost :