Wednesday, December 29, 2010

What a Merry Christmas!!!

Well this Christmas could have been a terrible time if I had let it. I prayed that God would allow me a pass though. I really didn't want to be sad or upset and let it ruin everyone's holiday who came in contact with me. It was tough for about 3 days. It always seems that when you are at your lowest that is when you see whatever that is troubling you everywhere. This time was like most. Everywhere I looked I saw VERY pregnant women or families with lots of little ones. I was alright until a kiddo would make eye contact with me or wave. I prayed very hard that as the saying says, this to shall pass. And it got easier, I can even talk about it now and not cry.

So by the 23rd I was doing better and finishing up Christmas Presents. Man did I pull one on Robbie this year. He really thought that all he was getting was underwear and a pair of boat shoes that I actually had given him the day we had our pictures made for the Christmas cards. But, I wrapped up a sheet that I typed up saying that he would have to look for his last present. I told him it would fit in closets, under the bed, or in corners out of the way. He didn't want to look for it he really wanted me to just give it to him, but he looked for it anyway. I had wrapped it and put it under the couch earlier in the week. He was totally surprised that I got him a muzzle loader. That is a gun for none hunting folks. He had one and sold it right at the beginning of the muzzle loading season. He had immediate sellers remorse. So I thought that would be a great Christmas gift. I even told him we shouldn't spend the money on it right now... Hee hee I am sneaky sneaky. I tried to find a picture of it, but couldn't find one.

Zeke had a fabulous Christmas. He got so many toys he didn't know what to play with. And since he has ripped all the stuffing out of his Christmas goose and one of his skinny dogs.

Robbie got me some clothes ( I actually ordered them online for him to give me lol), Pure by DKNY perfume, and a mani/pedi at New You Salon & Spa.

We both got money and gift cards from my parents and "Santa". He hasn't used his yet, but I used mine Monday. I got an awesome Shark Vac then Steam mop.Two words for this creation: TRULY AMAZING!!! It is crazy
how much my sweet pup sheds and this sweet machine sucks it all up. I didn't even have to sweep. Then the steam part of it sanitizes and cleans the floor. Wow, am I easily amused or what??? Really if you have any type of hard floor surfaces you need this for sure!

On another note, we have decided to pay off some debt and start working on this old house to hopefully put it on the market at the end of the summer. This is very ambitious, but since the baby front isn't looking promising, we really want to move. So we have something to focus on while we put the baby making on the back burner.

All in all this Christmas was not what we had hoped for, but it sure was a wonderful holiday considering! 2011 is going to be a great year for us! We know it!!!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Amazing Night

Well this past Friday we headed out of town to Nashville for the Garth Brooks concert. It was a quick trip, but so worth it!!! We stayed at the Double Tree, which was nice. We met up with friends Laurie and Craig and headed out to the Concert.

Laurie and Craig got the tickets online from a ticket broker. Little did we know we paid more than face value for them. We got through the door and the lady scanning our tickets said there was something wrong with them. She asked us if we had already entered the building. Well obviously we didn't. So they took us to the ticket counter where we were told the tickets had been voided and or already used. They took them and said sorry about your luck. We were all freaking out. Craig called the broker and told him what was going on, and Robbie asked the lady if there were any tickets. Of course she said no its sold out. Then a few minutes later when we were not moving from her little ticket window she said, "oh here are 4 on the lower level. Do you want to purchase them?" We got four 3rd row tickets for $110, we originally spent $330 for the 4 from the broker. We were super excited!

The broker refunded the money and offered us tickets to another show. All in all we totally hit the jack pot! The stars were aligned :)

The concert was truly amazing! Garth is such a performer!!! Here are some pictures from the blessed event! :)

Well with everything going on lately it was super fabulous to get away and enjoy ourselves. Ever since all the shots, clomid, and IUI I have been an emotional roller coaster, so needless to say some of the songs struck an emotional cord with me. We were so close to the sound booth and back stage area that I had Robbie take a picture of the play list sitting on a speaker box. It was definitely a sign when I saw the song circled on the list.
I am so blessed that all my prayers haven't been answered over the years. Man, who knows where I would be if all the prayers I had at various times through out high school and college had be answered. Unfortunately, I have one prayer that is currently unanswered and the song makes me think, maybe I should be thanking God instead of questioning why????

I am so thankful for that wonderful night. Saturday was not lacked the happiness. I had shared with a friend earlier in the week that we would know if the IUI worked this weekend. I also asked her to pray that if we weren't pregnant for my cycle to hold off until we get back because I knew it would take the wind out of my sails. Not even an hour after we got home, I went to the bathroom and got our answer. I felt like a ton of bricks had just been dropped on my chest. The disappointment is indescribable. I needed some time to cry and be sad. I have tried to keep a happy face in public, but in private I am devastated. Robbie was sad too. He said, " I really thought you were pregnant, that it was going to work." That broke my heart even more. I think this time more than ever there was more invested in this. But, unlike the other cycles, I really gave it all to Him. I knew there weren't that great of chances, but that there was a better chance than on our own. I prayed during the insemination that his will would be done, that I really wanted this, but knew and trusted his judgement. I had a peace about it. I felt like we really had a chance.

So, we start yet another cycle, a year and a half into this crazy adventure. We have decided to stop trying for the time being. We will regroup and adjust and move on. We will continue to put our faith in God and know that even though we don't see the tiny miracle we hope for that we will be parents one day.

Monday, December 13, 2010

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas... Cards with Shutterfly!

There is a chill in the air, snow flurries this past Sunday, the tree is all decorated, stockings hung, present bought and almost all wrapped.... what could I be missing?????

CHRISTMAS CARDS!!!! We got our pictures taken a few weeks ago, and I am chomping at the bit to get them back so I can get our Christmas cards made, addressed, and mailed all in 12 days. Nothing like waiting to the last minute huh?

Well, Shutterfly makes it so easy I am not too worried about the short amount of time I have to get them done. I heard from a couple of friends that Shutterfly had great Christmas cards this year. So, I have checked it out and man there are so many to choose from I am having a really hard time. They have traditional, modern, contemporary, whimsical, you name it they have it.

Here are the 3 I have narrowed it down to for this year:

When it comes to addressing all these Christmas Cards it can give you cramps, well Shutterfly has an alternative for you, not only can you have them mail them for you, you can purchase mailing address labels. They have such cute styles too!

But that is not all you can make on Shutterfly. I have used Shutterfly for photo books in the past. There is something about a personalized photo book that makes a gift so special! I made a book for my Dad for Father's Day. When we finally get pregnant I have a feeling I will be making lots and lots of photobooks! Check out all of the layouts and choice you have when you use Shutterfly:

I am looking forward to using Shutterfly to capture all our family's special moments in 2011!!!

Saturday, December 11, 2010

On the 11th day of Christmas...

Well we finally got all of the decorating done today. I love this time of year, but its a lot of work to get it ready and in order. So, I thought I would share our Christmas Cheer since we really don't have many visitors to see it in person.

This Christmas we have so much to be greatful for!
* We are so blessed to have each other! In the craziness of this year my loving and devoted husband has kept his cool, tried to make me feel like all was not lost every CD 1. I am so blessed and Thank GOD for him every day!

* I am not sick like last year. Man the holidays last year were terrible for me. I am so blessed to have had a wonderful ENT to take care of my sinus issues and a loving husband and Mom to take care of me post surgery.

* I have the sweetest doggie there is. In fact this year we was going to try out to be one of Santa's Reindogs.

* We are both so blessed to have our wonderful jobs. Now Robbie will disagree with the wonderful part, but he did get a raise this year and had been working more than last year. His boss made mention of thinking of him at Christmas... I sure hope it's not the Jelly of the Month Club. lol

* We have such wonderful family! We could not make it without them! We were able to Move Linda to Collierville this summer and that has been a Godsend! We just wish we could get her house in MS sold.

* We continued our Mayo Family tradition last night of decorating my parent's tree. It is always a fun event. And by fun I mean hilarious, Christmas Vacation type of fun. This is the Mayo Family Tree all 13 feet of it in all its glory.

I could go on forever and ever, but I am sure this post is long enough. This Christmas we are looking for a miracle, but knowing that there are miracles happening for us everyday. One last photo to share with you, our stockings are hung by the chimney with care and our Santa gnome is peeking from behind the tree.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

With God All Things Are Possible!

So, this has been a VERY expensive & eventful week and weekend. I had 2 ultrasounds, blood work twice, 5 shots, trigger shot on Friday, we inseminated on Saturday, and a very powerful message at Heartsong on Sunday.

So, we went in for the IUI on Saturday morning and it was kind of surreal sitting in the office waiting for Robbie's part. A lady came in with her 16 month old and husband to get blood drawn because she got a positive on Thursday. She was praising the doctor because this was her second miracle that he had helped her with. Of course she had a different problem than me, but it was interesting to hear her story and that she had the same fears I have even with a different issue. Robbie went to work and I went back an hour later for the main event. My only fear was the number of sperm there would be. I was super relieved and happy when I saw the number on the paper. It was more than it had been for the initial testing. 2.2 million more!!!! Aside from my cervix not wanted to be bothered, it was painless! No cramping, no nothing once my cervix decided to cooperate. I prayed during the entire procedure that God would help those little swimmers find the egg(s) this time and that the time was right. In 15 min I was on my way home. I had some cramping that night, but it went away after a while.

Today I woke up early and headed to church, its been a while since we have been. But, Robbie had to work, so I was on my own. I have to say in the past almost every message I found myself hearing exactly what God wanted me to hear, almost like the message was specifically for me. Well, I think that this message was just for me more than ever. I wanted to share it with you all. With Christmas only 20 days away the message series is titled, A Christmas Conspiracy: The Subversion Message of The Birth of Jesus, today's message was on God Comes First. Well, aside from the fact that he focused on the fact that God chose Mary to conceive Jesus, it was centered around the fact that with God all things are possible. An example to Mary was that Elizabeth was in her forties and had been able to conceive, which only made it more like a God was saying Hey Morgan... Pay attention :)

Now, I know this and I am sure if you believe in God then you do too. But, it was just what I needed to be reminded, since we have just done the iui.

At one point on the screen there was a picture of a baby's face and hand in utero. I was bawling. I am crying now thinking/ typing about it. I took away with me the feeling that God was trying to let me know that it will happen, to just keep believing and putting him first. So, I just wanted to share that with you all! I know that I get down traveling this journey, but I have to remember all things are possible with God!

I have a peaceful feeling about this. If I'm not in for a Christmas Miracle, then I know my miracle will come sometime in the future!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Drum Roll Please...

Well today was my follow up ultrasound. Even though I was really hoping to have 3 or 4 mature follies, I had 2 one almost 15mm and another 16.8 mm. So, I am doing one more follistim shot tonight and then.....


IUI is set for Saturday morning. I am in shock that we made it to this point. I really don't know if I will be able to believe it until I am actually on the table and being inseminated. This is so surreal. I know this is exactly what we have been trying for all these months. But, I guess after the failed attempt at making it to the iui last cycle I just assumed or told myself that it wasn't really going to happen. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but me, but its the way I feel.

I am so grateful for this road we are on. It really has made me such a stronger person, even through the hardships, disappointments, almost downright devastating times, I am so thankful God has chosen us to go through this. I know that there is some (very hard to comprehend) reason that this road has been difficult to get down. Now as we embark on the "more waiting" leg of this crazy trip we call Operation make a Baby Robbins, I will try to stay calm, collected, and sane. This is going to be the LONGEST 13 to 15 days!!!

All Prayers are welcome and appreciated :)

Monday, November 29, 2010

Baseline follie scan & blood work

well today I went in for a baseline ultrasound and estridol(sp) blood test. I am only CD10, so I didn't think there would be anything there. Well to my disbelief, I was on the ultra sound much bigger follies than the last time. Last cycle my ultrasound was on CD 23 and I only had one follicle that was about 11mm this time at CD 10 I had four that she measured as big and a little bigger. The nurse said that they were normal sized for that CD. So, I will be doing 3 more days of follistim shots and then another ultrasound on Thursday morning. I am hoping, & wishing, & praying that on Thursday I can get the go ahead to trigger and we can do the iui soon after. If not, we have wasted way more money this time.

I will update when I know something on Thursday. For now the rain is making my bed call!!! I am headed to bed.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Thankful for...

I have been so busy these past couple of days I haven't had time to post about Thanksgiving. So here goes!

This year I am so thankful for my fabulous family and that we were all together on Thanksgiving at my parent's house. I am super thankful for my friends! I have some of the most wonderful friends, they are there for me through thick and thin. I am so thankful for my job. I have a dream job! The people I work with are so great, they would do anything for you not matter what. I am most thankful for my loving husband! Throughout all these months of ttc, he has been the rock. I have lost my cool, freaked out, sobbed, etc and he always has been there and had positive encouraging words for the whole ordeal. Sometimes I feel like he is living in a dream world, but he is always positive and patient with me, which deserves the husband of the year award! :)

I am super happy and thankful for everything I have. The only thing that could make it any better would be a baby. But, I know that when God is ready for us to be parents it will happen!

Monday, November 22, 2010

I just can sit out of the game for long...

Well. I started on my own no doubt! No provera woo hoo! But that made me really start thinking about the whole waiting til Jan. thing. I was really torn on wether to wait or not. I mean who am I kidding its the holidays, I will not be dropping a lot of weight.... SO, I yelled Put me in coach today. I am CD 3 starting clomid tonight. Have an appointment tomorrow to learn how to inject myself and start injectables on wed. I have a base line ultrasound and blood work on Monday the 29th at 7:45. So we shall see how the injectables work. I am praying they work and we have a little christmas miracle this year!

Monday, November 8, 2010

another one bites the dust...

Its amazing... That was my theme song in college and first few years of living on my own. But for totally different reasons. Boys.... Now it takes a new meaning to cycles of ttc.

Well since this cycle was/is a bust, I can only imagine what Dr. K will say tomorrow. I have an appointment I just knew I wouldn't have to go to back when we scheduled it because I would be pregnant by now. Well here we are, and no pregnancy etc. and I am sure that he will push the losing more weight to see what happens. I am just wondering if he might try upping the clomid anyway.

I have a proposition for him though. I want to wait til Jan to try the iui protocol again. That gives me some time to lose some more weight (including the weight I have put back on since the cancellation of this cycle's iui). But, wonder if when we start again if I can move to injectables. But we shall see. I need to make my list of questions and wake up bright and early and see what he has to say.

I just keep reminding myself:

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

Friday, October 15, 2010

Life after 30... Who knew

"When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there's no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?”

-Sex in the City

Well apparently I am in that stage of my life. Why did life have to get scary? unfair? so difficult? Well even if I don't ever get the answer I have to know that my life isn't probably as crazy or scary as I think it is. I am right here in the middle of it, for those onlooking, I have it made. For those who have no problems with getting pregnant see it as not that big of a deal, "it will happen, just stop thinking about it."

The only thing I can do, is try to remember each day is a gift and live it up! with the help of our RE we have made the decision to go ahead with the iui. so I am currently on day 2 of my second round of clomid. I will go for a follicle check on Monday, October 25th. Depending on what we see iui could be Tuesday through the weekend. This last cycle I ovulated on CD16 so That would be Wednesday the 27th. For once in my life I could actually test and get 2 lines... of course for about a week after trigger lol. I might just test it out so I can finally see 2 lines on a test that I have taken. hahaha

I am not trying to get excited about this by any means but, I can't be negative about it either. I am going to keep as positive as possible and know that God will know it is time. We of course would love for him to go on and make that decision due to the fact that we will be dropping some mad cash to try this. I know that God wouldn't have made it available if it wasn't something that should be tried. I just hope and pray that it isn't for nothing!

I guess we will see. Until then Please PRAY PRAY PRAY that this is it!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

on to a new cycle...

I really thought I would be ok with this. I was prepared. But, I really am sad this time. :(

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

waiting with bated breath

well I had my DPO 7 progesterone test today. I wanted to go first thing so that I could get the results back today, but it didn't work out. So, I went in at 3pm. So tomorrow I should know if I did or did not ovulate. I really think I did this time. But who knows. We shall see... I will update asap when I get the results!!!

Well the results are in I ovulated. Wasnt' the number I wanted to see but, oh well. Baby steps.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

funk lifted

Ok, maybe it was the clomid, but this morning I wigged out. As the day progressed I got better. I got another + opk so, maybe we didn't miss my surge. We shall see in 2 weeks. I am officially in the 2ww tomorrow. Say a prayer!!! PLEASE!!!

maybe baby... More like NOT

I guess it has become very clear, iui is our only answer. I am putting myself through the wringer taking clomid. I have been cracked out for the last week, completely a basket case. One minute I am raging and irritable as all get out, the next I am bawling at the stupid stuff, oh and don't forget the hot flashes! Well lets just say its all for NOTHING!!!! I get a positive opk so its go time, I have to babysit and dh has a freaking softball game. But, of course we are not supposed to do the deed till the next morning so alls well. DH has wanted morning baby dancing for ever, so what do we switch to??? Mornings. Well, apparently he's too tired. So, I am left wide awake at 4 am knowing deep down we have missed our window and I am going to have do this again next cycle. I am really beginning to think that I am not going to ever get pregnant.


Monday, September 13, 2010

the stars must be aligned!!!

For the first time since march, I OVULATED on my own!!!! I am super excited because that means my body is trying to get back to normal! On top of that I had a "normal length" cycle too! So unlike most CD1... I am ecstatic!!!! That means we are right on schedule for iui in October!

Dr. K told me to relax after our last appointment and lose 10 lbs. I still have a little left to lose, but I will have it gone by October 1st. Anyway I apparently was finally able to relax because I completely forgot to go get blood work done mid August. So I called today and talked to the nurse. Well, she said no problem I could come this week. So, I just went for it and asked since I ovulated on my own and only have a little more to lose could I go on and try clomid this month. She said YES!!!! So Wednesday I start clomid, and will see if it helps me or not. I really feel good about this. Even if we don't get preggo this cycle, everything is going in the right direction!!! I am so happy!

Maybe this time next year I will be posting pictures of our little bundle(s if the clomid really gets my eggies going) of joy...

Monday, August 16, 2010

Poem for those of us who have and are struggling with IF

A sweet sweet friend shared this with me today. She is now pregnant with her second with help of meds and all the jazz. Not sure who wrote it.

There are women who become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss,and though they are good mothers and love their children,I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books,but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited.I have cried and prayed.I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.I will notice everything about my child.

I will take time to watch my child sleep,explore,and discover.I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.

My dream will be crying for me.I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.I have succeeded.I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.I listen.And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

31 years ago

When I think of what life was like 31 years ago, I am amazed at the difference! I mean the world has changed so much! If you asked me 10 years ago what I would be doing or where I would be in life at 31 I am sure what I would have said would not come close to my reality today. I am so blessed to have this beautiful life that I have. So, 31 years ago today I came into this world. Over the years I have made many choices that I think were great! Some not so great, but I learned from them and as my dad always told me "It builds character." So at 31 I have more character than one might need. I have way more dreams that I am still trying to make a reality. I am thankful for these last 3 decades. I pray that I live to see another 31 too! Thanks to all those out there that have helped me along my winding road of life! I am pretty content with the way my life has turned out so far, it can only get better right???

Sunday, July 25, 2010

God Is giving me the signs I need

Today we made it back to church. It has been a while and it was great! Our series right now is on using animated films to learn lessons that God wants us to learn. Today's message was on our identity determining our destiny and being the real "Morgan" not what everyone tells you you are or aren't. The movie was Meet the Robinsons. Great movie by the way, but the the part that I saw in a different light today was that the main character was living in an orphanage and counted every interview he had. That made me think, God, are you trying to tell me I need to adopt? I have always wanted to adopt after I had my own children but, now it seems that I might have no other choice. I am truly trying to be the me God wants me to be, I just really think he wants me to be a mom too.

After the service my mom completed the right (rite) not sure which one of immersion. Basically, being re-baptized on her own terms this time. It was great to see her do this. We left church and I talked to Robbie about God's signs and such. Another couple at our church who already have children from previous marriages are trying and having trouble also. They each have told us they know it will happen in God's time because he gave them the name of the child. I want to believe that God will give me a sign too... although I have already picked out our names because I am an obsessive compulsive when it comes to anything that has to do will becoming pregnant. So, I told Robbie that I am looking everywhere for the signs as to what God wants our route to be from this point on in our journey to have our own little miracle or miracles if he so wishes us to. We met Robbie's mom for lunch and a run to wally world. When we got back to her house to unload all the stuff she bought, she told me that she was going to give us the money to go through with the iui once I lose the 10 more lbs I have to lose. I told her thank you but that we had already borrowed enough from her at different points for different things. And she completely surprised me by her answer. She told me she wasn't loaning us the money she was giving it to us. She was able to do so and wanted to do it. I am still a little in shock. We would not have been able to save up the money for all the meds, procedures, and such for months. It was seriously going to be next spring maybe summer by the time we had it saved up and she is just willing to give it all to us now to help us.

***Side bar, I was at Linda's house(MIL) earlier this week and was telling her about the news from Dr. K and she didn't even mention that she wanted to help us. Between the time that I was there and today she received a check in the mail for her first time home buyers tax credit. ***

My sweet friend Ellen told me not long after the follow up with Dr. K that God would provide and make this happen if he wanted it to happen. I am just in amazement. I prayed specifically for Him to show me what he wanted me to do, he has. I am do inspired to lose the 10 lbs quickly so that we can start this new adventure.

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Well the results are in...

Well the good news is that I have lots of eggs and they are in great quality. The problem is that I am still not ovulating regularly on my own and Dr. K doesn't want to start clomid til I lose 10 more lbs. That was a super let down. I did so good.. I lost 7 of the the 13 that he wanted me to lose... Thats right when I got on the scale at the Dr. I had lost 7 on their scale... Which means I really had lost probably 10 really, my scale is just off from theirs(sorry for that seriously long run on sentence).

Woo Hoo to weight lose! Boo to having to lose 10 more before our ttc journey goes any further!

Unfortunately, that was not the only surprise of the visit. It seems that the little swimmers count is low... which means doing it the old fashioned way could take years or not happen at all. Dr. K wants us to go the route of IUI since it is cheaper than IVF. It is really not as expensive as I thought it would be. But, it is a lot of money to spend and not get pregnant. I just don't know. I guess losing 10 lbs is a good thing cause it gives us time to decide and figure out which bank to rob... LOL the bank part IS A JOKE!

So now I am just waiting for 6 more days to see if I start on my own or start provera and start losing more weight.

Nervous... Can't sleep

Well It has been a crazy time since I last posted. I was housesitting for my friend's parents for 7 days starting July 4th weekend. Oh man I was so excited cause I was going to have a pool all week and what did I do???? You guessed it.. I was burnt to a freaking crisp the first day. So no pool for me the rest of the week :(

So the end of the week was very momentous. Robbie had his SA and I had a followup to my dietitian. My appointment went great. She was impressed with my 7 lbs loss and that I had embraced what she told me the first visit. Of course the housesitting gig and severe I mean SEVERE sunburn posed some obstacles and now on the scale I might have gained a couple back. But, I am back on the wagon and ready to get to my lucky #13. Robbie said that his appointment was a bit uncomfortable, but got it over with and I 21 questioned him to death about it.

Friday night I babysat for the girls and took them to the Funquest skating rink. Whoa... I stepped into "da club." I was amazed there was not a single song played that wasn't rap. It was while I was there that I realized the RE's office had called around 4:30 and not left a message. I was like omg... Then I realized that the nurse had told me that I couldn't come back for my follow up til he had his SA so maybe that is what they were calling about. We had a busy weekend so it pushed the call to the back of my mind.

So I slept in this morning and woke up to a call from his office. That is what they were calling about. We have our appointment at 10:30 Tuesday ( t- minus 9 hours and 39 min). I am super nervous. I have tried to down play it with Robbie... but I am scared to hear what Dr. K has to say. This is also Robbie's first appointment meeting Dr. K. I have prayed and prayed and its all in God's hands I know. I just can't sleep. I slept after dinner during the thunderstorm and now I am wide awake.

Anyway I will update as soon as I process all that comes of the appointment today.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Introducing Inspired Temptations on Etsy

I have taken my new pass time online! :) Enjoy and I hope that I can make a little temptations for you soon! :)

Buy Handmade

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Time flies when your having fun

Wow, didn't realize it had been so long since I had made a post. Well a lot has happened since my last post. Not with me really, but with a bunch of others. I did start an etsy shop for my inspired temptations crafts. I might be working out a deal with my vinyl dealer to promote on her website. Those are 2 big accomplishments this past couple of weeks.

But I did make a little day trip to see my best guy friend from childhood get married yesterday. His wife was an absolutely lovely and beautiful bride. The wedding and reception were beautiful! We had to make the trek back after the reception though for Robbie to work today. Of all the Sundays to have to work! argh! Then he got to work and the guy that is left to work with him quit.

I have had a few friends find out they are pregnant in the past couple of weeks too. I am super happy for each of them. I pray they have a happy and healthy 9 months til each of their little ones get here!

The meal plan was kind of ruined this weekend so it is time to get back on the wagon and lose 13 lbs. That is the number Dr. Ke wanted to see. So, I have to make it happen! Not to mention I am FAT not PHAT plain old FAT. I am no longer wanting to be in pictures, so something has to be done :)

thats all for now...

Monday, June 14, 2010

Taking the good with the bad dudududududududu the facts of life

well I can't remember all of the words to that theme song, but its so true!

Two years ago today I was getting ready to marry my wonderful hubby! He texted me this morning and asked me what I was doing at that time 2 years ago.... I was like hummmmm... I was eating waffles with my best friend jessica getting ready to start getting ready for the best day of my life. He said, "yeah I was waking up yelling at Blake that we overslept." haha My wedding day was the most perfect day ever! All my friends thought that I had taken something cause I was so calm and collected, but really I was just so happy that nothing would have rustled my feathers that day. Everything was PERFECT! I had my dream job, was having my dream wedding, and was going to have the dream marriage! So far, nothing really has changed, except we want a family and that dream family isn't coming together quite like we had planned. But, seriously besides that I can't complain one bit. Sure we have our share of stupid little fights but who doesn't???

That was the good for today.... Now here's the bad

I didn't get with the RE soon enough... It's too late to start clomid this cycle. :( I had my little pity party for all of like 5 minutes. Oh well, it's not like by taking some pill for 5 days this cycle I will miraculously get pregnant. I mean if the time is right I should get pregnant anyway right? Isn't God the one in control here, not me??? I have to remind myself sometimes that ultimately if I am to be pregnant, God is the one to bestow the gift, not some pill. Having said that, GOD I know you are out there... I am jumping through hoops here, Please let this be our cycle!!!! If not we will try again next cycle... and maybe even use the 5 little pills :)

Side note... reading what I just wrote Clomid sounds like the magic beans in Jack and the Bean Stalk... lol Sorry I crack myself up sometimes when I think about things :) Guess that's how I have stayed sane. :) HAPPY MONDAY!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

My new favorite song... and a few other thoughts

Well lets just say that the concert was GREAT even with the rain, soaking wet seats, and missing the first 2 songs ( toes and whatever it is... My favorite) But, I learned that my favorite would be replaced later in the show. We ran into so many people at the concert, it was amazing. ZBB puts on a great show! They even sang a song I so wish they would hurry up and release... ironic I want them to hurry, because it was talking about not being in a hurry anymore. It was really fitting of Robbie and my adventure in trying to become parents. It actually made me cry. But, below is the chorus to my current new favorite song (those who know me well know that I say every song is my favorite song, ha)

Let it go - ZBB

You keep your heart above your head and you eyes wide open
So this world can't find a way to leave you cold
And know you're not the only ship out on the ocean
Save your strength for things that you can change
Forgive the ones you can't
You gotta let 'em go

Went to the Dietitian (lets call her FF for food friend) Friday (with a bit of a hang ova). It really went way better than I had imagined! I really was expecting the food Nazi, but she was really realistic and helpful. She didn't even talk about a certain number I need to lose by our next visit. She taught me what I needed to eat each meal and that I should be eating 3 snacks a day. Basically, I know now exactly what I need to eat and when, the hard part is going to be stopping the coke and beer. The beer not so hard, but the coke... I think I am seriously addicted to it. I know you are probably thinking oh that's easy just drink diet coke. I hate diet coke. So, I am going to try to get my caffeine from unsweetened tea... I can do that. I used to have migraines and so, I am afraid to completely stop caffeine. She advised the same. I really was amazed at the fact that I can totally eat at our favorite Mexican Joint and I can actually eat what I usually do... Just no beer. The beer rationale was 1 - empty calories and 2 - I am not supposed to drink on Metformin. I knew this I just was choosing to disregard. lol

I have made my grocery list and am ready to prove to FF that I am going to be her best patient! I have 4 weeks until I go back and I want to have some success stories for her.

On a completely different note, my mother in law is moving to Collierville! Super excited about that because she will be so much closer to us. She currently lives in Victoria, Ms which is right outside Byhalia and has a lot of land. So, we have been nudging her to move closer to us with less up keep. Well she bought a foreclosure and in bad shape cosmetically, so we helped her pick out colors; and with the help of his sister, brother, sister in law, and nephew we have totally spruced it up. Hopefully we will get all the finishing touches with paint and such done tomorrow. They are coming on Monday to replace all of the carpets. So, drum roll please.... woo hoo we will be moving her in next weekend!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

moving right along..

Well today is the first day of a new outlook at this trying to conceive adventure... Starting tomorrow no more temping, charting, fretting, or obsessing. Tomorrow my sweet hubby and I will head downtown to stay at the Westin Hotel and head to Mud Island for the Zac Brown Band Concert. This is our early anniversary gift to each other! I am super excited!!!

I am going to call Dr. Ke's office to see what our plan of action is for this month. Hopefully he will give me some ovulating drugs... Although I am wondering how I will know if or when I am ovulating if I am not temping, but oh well. I am all about less stress! I have been charting on a site for the past 9 months and lets just say the ladies on there have gone a tad batty this month, so I am giving them the boot... I need no drama or crazy hormonal women getting my feathers all rustled. I have been reading and thinking to myself... Please God, tell me I haven't acted like this CRAZY women lol just kidding... well a little bit :)I have my dietitian's appointment on Friday too. Little scared but excited too. I am ready to make some changes out side of the TTC world. Well I guess that is all for now...

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Man what a week...

Ok so my sister was getting married yesterday so this week has been CRAZY!!!! But her wedding was beautiful! It was in my parents backyard and was absolutely perfect minus the heat!

At the time of my last post I was 13 DPO... at 16DPO and no positive or period I reevaluated my chart and decided that I had ovulated later (when I actually thought I was implanting) So here we are again I am 13 DPO and nothing... I have been taking Provera for the past 8 days so I guess I will get to start all over again in a few days. I really haven't had any symptoms of the beginning of a new cycle yet. I thought when I started taking Provera that it would be quicker... after reading on line it could be a week to 14 days before you start after finishing it. I am just want to be pregnant or be able to get out of this CRAZY cycle!!!


Sunday, May 30, 2010

5:30 am RANT... and RAVE

Ok, something's gotta give!!! I am 13 DPO and this is the second time in the past few days that I have been awakened around 5:30 nauseous... What gives? I know what my mind tells me... OMG this is it... your going to get a BFP... Why cant the freaking test say that!!! I have been feeling so weird for the past week, so many symptoms out of the ordinary... I have been trying to tell myself that this could be our month. Then I test and nothing... stark white. I am just so confused. This happens while I am asleep and after lunch time almost everyday for a week now.

I watched the best movie last night. Facing the Giants. Wow my sweet friend told me to watch it at least a month ago. I put it on my Netflix list and it finally came yesterday. As I am typing this I am tearing up (symptom) just thinking about how awesome a movie it was. Now, she told me I needed to watch it because it was about how you can't give up, that you gotta let God have it, and of course its about our favorite sport football. About 15 minutes into the movie I think it was, they came face to face with Robbie and my greatest obstacle these days. Of course the movie ends with everything going their way thanks be to God who they totally lift all burdens up to! Which I myself did on April 9th. But, this movie has made me reflect and reassess whether or not I really gave it all to him.

Three things I will leave with...

Attitude is the aroma of your heart, if your attitude stinks your heart ain't right! :) Love that quote straight from the movie

Give God the Glory when you win, but also win you lose

With God all things are possible... turning around a losing season all the way to getting our BFP!!!

Friday, May 28, 2010

Ultra sound adventure

This will be short but I had an ultrasound on Wednesday to check everything thing out. No no no there is no bun in my oven yet, but Dr. Ke wanted to check it all out. That was something I don't think you can prepare yourself for. I mean I guess once you are preggo your body is an open book anyway so I might as well get used to it because he did tell me he will get me pregnant, it just might take a while ( and I was thinking money). Anyway my ultra sound lady was so nice and talked to me about so many things it pretty much kept my mind off of the baseball in my stuff. Sorry TMI. It was neat to see my ovaries on the screen. I like most PCOSers have 20 to 25 follicles instead of the normal 7 to 12. But she did try to comfort me to let me know that some come in with like 50. I was like ok, I want 7 to 12 lol. I left with questions that I am guessing are for the doctor once he reads my ultrasounds. My lining was 8.4 mm and she said that most people right before the wicked witch shows are 13.something mm. So, my question is is 8.4 enough to be able to implant an egg? I googled it but, everything was vague. I have been having some really bad bouts of nausea and dizziness... but no BFP yet. Oh well over and out for the weekend! Hope everyone has a Happy & Safe Memorial Day!

If you have any info on the lining thing... please offer some ideas. I am just thinking how will we get it thicker if it has already been 56 days and only 8.4 mm......

Monday, May 24, 2010

HALLELUJAH!!!! Finally someone who cares in the medical profession!!!

So today was my RE appointment with Dr. Ke... It was fabulous minus the torrential down pour with no umbrella and/or close parking. Dr. Ke was wonderful! I really like his demeanor. He was very positive and really gave me a sense that he cared about helping me, unlike my obgyn who kind of pawned me off on nurses who relayed false info. He said that my insulin was not "sky high" as the nurse had told me. He said it was actually normal for someone my weight. Ah yes the weight issue. That is the actually issue. He said my weight was not normal. But instead of saying your fat, he said, "I want to refer you to a nutritionist to help you with the right diet and exercise for you." He also ran a battery of blood test to check everything out, made me an appointment for an ultra sound (wed.) to check out what everything looks like and to make sure there isn't a little bean in there after all, and got the ball rolling for a SA for Robbie to make sure there isn't a male factor of that nasty little word "infertility"

I left felling like I could rise above all the negativity my obgyn left me with. I had answers to my questions, and he said all I want you to do is loose 13 lbs right now. No more temping, charting, stressing, just loose 13 lbs and then we will go from there. I can totally do that! Zumba here I come!!! I am super stoked about the nutritionist appointment. He said he is pretty sure insurance will pay for it and I can get back to my normal self... well except pregnant :)

In other news, today was officially the last day of school WOO HOO!!!!! I am ready to relax and have fun this summer!

Friday, May 7, 2010

Which do you want... the good news or the bad????

Well I had my blood drawn on Tuesday to check everything since I have been on Metformin for a month. Today the nurse called and asked me a bunch of questions... All of which lead her to tell me that my insulin was sky high... 23 or 28 can't remember but anyway she said it was NOT GOOD. So Dr. H was referring me to a RE. The insulin problem is bad, but the RE referral is actually good cause since it is PCOS related insurance "should" pay for it. I called and made my appointment for Dr. Ke for May 24th. The first available appointment. I am excited yet scared. I am not sure what to expect at all. I am hopeful, but worried that I have developed type 2 diabetes because of the insulin being so high. Who knows... I have 2 weeks until can get some information. I pray that the blood work was just a fluke. We shall see.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

This month is CRAZY busy!!! But I am making time...

Man... I have so much going on over the next month it is CRAZY! But, a sweet dear friend stopped by this past week and gifted me a new read. Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Weschler. It is a wealth of knowledge on Fertility Awareness Method. It also lets me know that Doctors actually jump the gun on "DIAGNOSING" infertility. That is actually very comforting to me!!!! I mean that was/ is at times my hang up! How can you diagnose one with infertility if you haven't tried to figure out what is causing one to not get pregnant. But, anyway I already know most of the charting, temping, etc information I have read so far, but it is very informative! It also gives me many questions I would like to ask Dr. H when I have the chance. I go for blood work a week from today to check how the metformin is working. I hope they say that its good. I also hope they say that Dr. H wants to put me on clomid. I really would like to try it out to see if it might help me. Two of my friends have just had babies and they are so sweet and precious! It makes me really want one on my own!

Friday, April 9, 2010

Funk Lifted... THANK YOU GOD!!!

Ok well today was much better than yesterday. I was able to sleep in and really think about what is going on. A sweet dear friend and my mom told me that maybe that was my answer from my prayers to God. I am thinking maybe he has been giving me many signs trying to say hey can you let me take care of this??? I had Robbie call and cancel his appointment too. I have decided to let go and and let God take the wheel! He is truly the only one who can help us and his help is FREE!!! I have posted this bible verse everywhere to remind me if I start thinking negatively...

As soon as I pray, you answer me; you encourage me by giving me strength. Psalms 138:3

Thursday, April 8, 2010

When you think it can't get worse....

well, this blog is taking a different road than I had originally planned. I had originally started this hoping that after my 3 months of sinus HELL that I would be happy and telling all about our crazy adventure we call life. Then life happened and I just haven't been blogging. I had an my annual appointment in March and asked my doctor about fertility... we decided to start trying in June 09 and still hadn't had any luck. Till that point I thought you know maybe God knew that my sinus problems would have been way worse pregnant... So that was why we hadn't had any luck. My doctor agreed that she saw some signs that there might be some problems. I had a bunch of blood work, and I do mean A LOT.... like 7 viles to be exact. A week later I am diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and am insulin resistant. I am told to get on South Beach diet ( SUPER HARD), start taking a Metformin (a type 2 diabetes med), and told to loose weight.

I start having some symptoms that are not normal for me... I think could my prayers have been answered. I know that the timing wasn't ideal but, maybe I am pregnant. Only to start a week early. I am told the Metformin can cause some changes, um yeah! Doc said to call the first day of my next cycle so we can set up an HSG test. Well I did as told and today get a call from the hospital saying that my insurance wont cover the test. Why you might ask??? Well my doctor "diagnosed" me with infertility. Insurance will pay for all tests until a diagnoses is given. My question is how do they know that I am infertile if they haven't tested me???? Well I guess your guess is as good as mine because I can' t afford the $1800 + it cost to find out if there are problems.

So here am back as square one, not pregnant, tired, stressed, sad, and no hope of knowing if there is anything wrong with me or not. As the nurse said, I will just have to wait and see if the Metformin regulates me. And if not... I guess I will be the mother to my students and my dog. Hopefully this funk will lift... VERY SOON!

Monday, February 8, 2010


Well one could get used to no school on Mondays in Memphis and Shelby County.... No really...
32 years ago yesterday my wonderful hubby was born. So, Super Bowl Sunday was two fold this year. I have not completely recovered from my sinus surgery (beginning to think it was a mistake) and was laid up on the made up bed for a few hours before the festivities began. But, not Robbie, he was up bright and early on his b-day to start smoking his and Nic's infamous ribs. With friends and family coming over to cheer on Dem Saints and Colts we cleaned up and got ready to par-tay. We had a spread... rotel, corn dip, veggies, Doritos that taste like hamburgers, ribs, lasagna, and of course a football field birthday cake from Polka Dot Bakery (aka my lil Ellen). Of course I knew all along that the Saints were going to win, but Robbie was pulling for the Colts. But, there were a few sour sports(Robbie's words) when my team pulled out a victory! WHO DAT!!! Before the night was over someone mentioned it was supposed to snow. We were all like YEAH RIGHT!!!
5:05 am Robbie comes in and wakes me up saying there was white EVERYWHERE... I was like right... that is so not funny! He flipped on the TV and sure enough Shelby county schools were closed along with any other school in the tri-state area. Well, I am not sure if it was the excitement of an unexpected snow day or just that he woke me up and I was rested... I was wide awake and wanted DONUTS! Apparently Kroger opens at 6 am but they don't have donuts at 6 am. So, we made the trek to Howard's on 64... it was snowing harder than I have ever seen. By the time we got home there were about 4 inches on everything. I ate a donut or two and decided to go sleep in since it was only 7 am . Woke up and half of the snow was gone and the roads were completely clear, but... sleet was falling fast and furious! In fact it still is... So the big question is... will we or won't we go to school tomorrow???

Saturday, January 30, 2010

I don't want to jinx it... But

Well, today is Saturday... since my last post my loving hubby has cleaned out 1 side of the garage and even tried to keep the house clean since he and mom cleaned while I was laid up in bed. I am starting to feel semi-normal! Last night I ventured out for the first time non sinus related... well not really just next door. The Woodards invited us over for wii and beverages. I am still not up for wii or beverages, but it was fun catching up with Kendall while the boys played wii. It was actually really nice to get out of the house, 10 days confined to the house can give you cabin fever. Of course for Robbie 1 day of being confined to the house due to ice and snow was enough for him.

I am really feeling better almost... do I dare say it... close to normal. I've had a bit of trouble sleeping or should I say getting to sleep. Robbie says I sleep too much. But, everyone can't be all early to rise in a great mood. I never promised to be a morning person. haha

We have been lucky enough to not lose power during this inclement weather. We were supposed to venture to my parents' house today for early birthday lunch for Robbie, but they cancelled because they had problems with their power last night. So, Robbie is like kid being cooped up, thinking of reasons to leave the house. And we have one for dinner but the time in between is killing him :)

That's all for now

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired

Well, where do I begin??? Back in December I had the feeling I was getting a sinus infection... BOY WAS I RIGHT! Now, almost 2 months later I had endoscopic sinus surgery done this past Wednesday. From all of this I have come to realize I could never be one of those people who are chronically sick... I mean I have hated being out of work, not being able to go out with friends, and being confined to the bed has not been a high point at all!!!
Anyway, I am currently the luckiest girl in the world! My mom, hubby, and sweet pup Zeke have been taking good care of me since the surgery. At first I wasn't sure who was more worried about me, Robbie or Zeke. Mom and Robbie wouldn't let Zeke in the room with me the first night and he guarded the bedroom door trying to get in every time they would come check on me. Day 2 was Zeke's favorite because he got to sleep next to me and check in on me anytime he wanted. Day 3 was not the best day, I ventured out into the brave new world of trying to eat something. I never have had trouble with eating anything really... you can tell that by looking at me, but now soup even scares me. Soup... soup shouldn't scare anyone. I literally spent an hour trying to eat a bowl of soup without getting sick. Day 4 has been more of the same. I did have 2 visitors. Sara brought me some ice cream and we talked and talked and talked... Then Lizz came by and brought Popsicles galore and a frosty! I have identified that about an hour to 45 minutes before my next dose of medicine I start feeling sick again.

So, on that note it is time for medicine and I think I will be heading back to rest now... hopefully this will run its course and I will be back in action soon... keep your fingers crossed!