Saturday, December 22, 2012

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

I love the holidays. I like decorating the tree and house. I love baking and cooking for family meals. I am obsessive when it comes to wrapping presents (so much that I have often thought of offering my services to those who loath wrapping presents). I love opening presents too. Having family close is so much fun and important to me.

This year however, Christmas seems to be coming fast and furious like the selling of my house and my surgery. I am displaced and don't even have my own tree up this year. We got to decorate my parents' tree as usual, but not being in our own space, I haven't been able to bake or decorate.  Below is my family tree. It takes FOREVER to decorate. But we get together to celebrate my sister's birthday and decorate the tree every year.

Since we are not in our own home this year, we are really trying to not go "crazy" with gifts. I sure hope everyone sticks with our plan of giftcards this year. We literally have no space for anything. Robbie and I have gifted each other with shoes this year (and unfortunately those take up space... Hopefully we will find a house soon!)

As I have said in the past few months, we have so many things to be thankful this Christmas. After the tragedy on Dec. 14th, I am not sure how I could ever think of my issues and/or problems as terrible. This Christmas I am going to not take a second for granted. I am going to continue my prayers for all those involved in that tragedy. I cannot imagine. It really hit me very close to home. I couldn't hug my 18 firsties enough the last two days of school before Christmas break after that happened. 

So I wish you all a very Merry Christmas! Prayers for safe travels if you will be traveling. I will leave you with our Christmas Card this year. 

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Change is good... Right?!?!

Well, if change isn't good then I am in a bad place. lol

We are finally settled in at my mother in law's house. I have completely changed my eating habits. We no longer are owners of a home. I have gone back to work... Well for 1/2 days last week... Tomorrow I will probably come straight home and go to bed. Who knew my energy level would take so long to get back up and running. Times they have been a changin'

I look back to August when I was finally getting close to starting this surgery adventure. I was just not happy at all with the way my life was going. My weight was not budging. A friend had me try the Advocare 10 day cleanse. I lose about 10 lbs. But at my weight at that time a 10 lbs loss was hard for me to see. Our house was not getting attention, we actually decided that it would come off the market as soon as the contract was up.

The months started flying by and before we knew it it was October. October was full of Dr. appointments and stress. Then in the course of a 2 week period, my surgery was here and our house was sold. CRAY!!!!

It has been 3 weeks and 3 days since surgery and I am down a total of 37 lbs. since August.
  • 10 lbs from the cleanse in August
  • 13 lbs during the 2 week liver shrink diet
  • 14 lbs since surgery
Friday, I realized my jeans (the ones that were tight a month or so ago) were TOO BIG!!! That would be 2 sizes since school started back in August. I am also down to the weight I was pre-fertility drugs and cray cray months of trying get preggo 4 years ago. 

On the other change, we closed on our house this past Wednesday. It was a tad sad to me since it was my first "big girl" purchase, but we are in the best situation possible shy of living with family for a little while. We have the opportunity to save some major cash for the next few months. We also have the opportunity to wait/look for the perfect house to come along. I am beyond blessed and am genuinely in a super happy place! 

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Thanksgiving a time to be thankful!

Well this Thanksgiving we have lots to be thankful for! I know that once this move is over I will be able to be a little more thankful, right now I am completely overwhelmed and really need tomorrow to not be Thanksgiving Day, so we can get packing done, but tomorrow I am going to let it all go! I am super thankful that I will be spending time with both my hubs, his family, and my family. I am thankful that we all live close enough together that we can spend the holidays together and there are no problems or fights about who is going where and when.

Tomorrow we will be going to eat Thanksgiving dinner at my grandparents' "home," my grandmother has Alzheimer's and lives at a facility that is very nice and takes good care of her. My grandfather just recently moved into the assisted living facility that adjoins (is that a word?). So, the hubs and I will swing in to Andaddy's new place and pick him up/ walk next door to Mimi's for their big Thanksgiving Dinner. I am super thankful to have these two people in my life! My mom's parents passed away about 5 and 10 years ago. So, at the holiday's I am truly blessed that I still have grandparents to spend them with. Luckily that is early in the day. Then we will head to pick up my mother in law and head about 45 minutes north to Robbie's sisters house to celebrate with his family. The best part we will all be able to be home in our own beds tomorrow night.

This year has been full of things to be thankful for. I have tried to do the daily thankful's on fb. I have skipped a few days as the moving is dominating my life. But, most of all, I am thankful that it looks like 2013 will be a great year, full of new beginnings. I am not by any means saying that we haven't had a great year this year, but for the past few years I have often thought, man if we could catch a break it would nice. We are going into the new year with so much hope for our future. I will be losing weight and getting healthy ( hopefully encouraging the hubs to do the same). We will be finding and buying our 1st home together in the town I grew up, where our parents live, and I work. And then, this time next year we will be starting again to try to grow a family. I really have so much to be thankful for its almost impossible to put it into words.

Thank you God for all our many blessings!

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

slow and steady... then sprinting to the finish

Well I am 5 days post surgery... I have moments of great energy, and even longer moments of exhaustion. I currently have 22 stapled in 5 different incisions. Thanks to pureed chicken noodle soup, mashed potatoes, and cream of wheat I have stayed full.

This is not nearly as bad as I expected it might be. The hardest part of all of it is waiting for my Hubs to help me out of bed and keeping Zoe from jumping on me. As long as I take the pain meds every 6 hours I am good. Today, I ventured out to the grocery store. This might have not been the best idea. I have found that I am good to go in the morning, but around 3 to about 5 everyday I am hurting and have zero energy. But, I needed to branch out and get some more things to eat and I was 1 pill away from being out of the anti vomit meds ( and since I now know that I am very sensitive to pain meds I NEED that medicine BIG TIME). Well I had hear from someone that the baby food company had something like apple sauce but it is made with lots of different fruits and veggies. So I picked some of those up, I am super excited about apple cinnamon  and sweet potatoes ( did I really just say that?!?!?). I also ventured out to the toddler meals because I need more protein and easy meals. So, I had one tonight and believe it or not that thing was tasty! I think this is going to be ok after all!

I have my post op appointment on Monday the 19th. I will get these terribly uncomfortable staples out. Praise Jesus! Oh and I've already dropped 20 lbs since the two weeks pre surgery until today. Woo Hoo!

On the house front... Well, I am not allowed to lift anything that takes 2 hands, for 3 weeks and in three weeks we will be living with my mother in law, so I guess I got out of the whole move thing hahaha. No really, we were supposed to close on Nov. 30th and they want to move it up to the 28th. We have set up for a new larger storage unit. We also have all of Robbie's rowdy friends (haha is that a Hank song?) lined up for the saturday after Thanksgiving to move all of our stuff. Its so weird to think this time next month we will be "homeless." But, God is in control, and all of these changes are for the good. So I am not going to wig out... well maybe a little next week.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Surgery Day

Well, tomorrow is the day. I can't believe it is already here. Please say a prayer for me, my Dr., and my family. This is going to be a awesome new adventure, but we are all in for a HUGE life change :)

Saturday, October 27, 2012

I think I can... I hope I can...

Well I started the "liver shrink" diet on Thursday. I have stopped caffeine cold turkey. Enough said! Oh my goodness the excruciating pain in my head is ridiculous! I mean I have tried to stop caffeine before but not food and caffeine. Here is a looksie into my life right now:

breakfast - protein shake or bar (220 cal or less)
mid morning snack - 1/2 cup of fruit
lunch - protein shake or bar (220 cal or less)
afternoon snack - 1/2 cup of fruit
dinner - AHHHH FOOD....
              3 oz of lean meat

unlimited green veggies through out the day but must be steamed or raw
NO butter, oils, dairy, caffeine

Which really means I am eating food... but my head is not seeing it that way. Every(well so far 2) afternoon about 2pm I start getting the head ache.  :(

Now, that is the only complaining! The end result is worth this, I just didn't prepare myself for it with my crazy busy schedule.

Oh yeah I went to the cardiologist and apparently have a slight murmur... so I have to have some nuclear test or something on Monday. Please pray that it is nothing bad. Or else I might not behaving this surgery after all.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

God has a great sense of humor

Well... God has brought me to a crossroad. Thank goodness he know what is best for me more than I know myself. This afternoon, we got confirmation, our buyer accepted our counter offer. Short of sounding corny, unanswered prayers is playing in my head. We are officially under contract. My first reaction was to burst into tears. I am not gonna lie, its going to be hard to say goodbye to my very first big girl purchase. But, I know that God put this woman in our path on purpose.

I am going to have to really put my trust in him this next month. If all goes through, I will be having my surgery on the 8th,  closing on my house on the 30th, and moving in with my sweet mother in law for then next few months.

I have realized that I have become about as cynical about selling the house as I have about getting pregnant. I really had told myself this was NOT going to happen. I mean I already had my Christmas ornament exchange invitations printed (super deal) with this address...

Anyway, please pray that all goes well and through and we are able to get all moved out and life is just as it should be.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Let's Make A Deal...

I feel like I am on that game show! And I just gave back my winnings to choose a curtain... You know the one... with the really crappy prize...

On Friday we showed the house to a lady who seemed to love it. I could tell by the look on her face when she left, by Friday night we had a call from our agent... We were getting an offer. They were going to work on it Sat. morning and send it over... Well that turned into Sunday, which then turned into Monday. And finally this afternoon we got the offer... LOW BALL, but hey it was an offer. In the mean time we got two calls for showings today, we were able to show it one of the times and that couple stayed in the house for about as long as the lady with the offer. Maybe a good sign...

Well our realtor came over after the showing with the offer and to discuss the counter offer. We started crunching numbers and realized quickly that we have pretty much put ourselves between a rock and a hard place. We are not going to make ANYTHING hardly with the sell of this house. Nevermind the fact that we have dropped the price 10,000 since we listed it over a year ago. I know I should be happy if she accepts that we aren't having to pay out of pocket anything, but JEEZE. It really hit me tonight that due to this foreclosure epidemic that I really am giving away all that I have worked so hard for the past 10 years. And I am not even in foreclosure, or anywhere close... I am not able to sell my house for what is worth thanks to bad judgements of the powers that be.

It makes me sick to my stomach! I bought this house 10 years ago on my own, and I guess now that I might sell it, it is hitting me, this house was not the investment that it should have been. I am not going to come out with hardly anything to show... almost like maybe I should have just rented for the past 10 years.

Do I dare say it... I kinda wish that it falls through...

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Life seems to be in FAST FORWARD...

I am not sure who hit the fast forward button on my life, but man... Life seems to be in high gear. My last post was about fall break and here we are a 2 weeks later and life has been nuts. Fall break was a GREAT week to not do anything school related. I cleaned out closets, our storage unit, you name it if it wasn't nailed down I was going to either sell it or give it to Goodwill.

I had the most unsuccessful yard sale ever. We made like $80. Really was more of a waste of my time than it was a money maker. I didn't get my hair done or a massage or anything like that. I had an appointment to get the hair done, but my sweet friend's sister in law was gunned down at her job by an employee she had to fire the day before. So she had to go be with her family in Louisiana. So sad and senseless. I hope that man is put in prison where he can' t do that to the next person who makes him mad. But, anyway I box dyed my hair myself and it looks pretty snazzy if I do say so :) All in all Fall break was great! But, it got me thinking, man I wish I could be a housewife. I made dinner each night, cleaned house, etc. It was great not being completely drained each night. That is never going to happen but, its a nice thought :)

But, Monday it was back to the routine. It was a rough day for me and the kids getting back into the swing of things. My surgeon's office called and threw me into hyper drive. My surgery will not be the 30th as planned. It is going to be November 8th. Which I had originally wanted, but we couldn't get cardiac clearance until the 2nd. But, at this point I was given the 8th or 2013. I don't want to wait that long. So, this set forth alot of appointments super quick. Yesterday I had an upper gi... GROSS! It was an experience, and I am glad that is over. Monday I have my pre-op visit with Dr. W. This is when I will get my liver shrink diet for the next few weeks, and get more info on the surgery and post surgery stuff. Then, Thursday I go for my cardiac clearance. Then two weeks from that is the surgery. I have tried this weekend to think of food I may not be able to eat again and eat it... but the crazy thing is none of it has tasted as good as I thought it was going to taste. Could my body be helping me realize that I wont be missing these things after all?!?!?! I think maybe. But needless to say, this time next month I will be recovering and not eating Turkey and dressing like I have in the past. But I will still have so much to be Thankful for!

Now, I would like to ask for some prayers for my neighbors. They found out a few weeks ago that they were pregnant with their third child. It has been a rough time for them lately as she has been out of work since the spring. She was really worried about finding a job etc. Well she got a job on Wednesday. So that was great. She went for her first ultrasound yesterday and it didn't go well. Last night she had to go to the ER for the pain. Turns out she was having an ectopic pregnancy, her tube ruptured and they had to remove it this morning. It is always so sad when this happens. I know that they both are going to need prayers to get through this and for her to heal safely. I also know that her two kiddos are going to need help to understand what happened, as they had already told them.

I have two more blog posts in the works, but they are both unfinished so, be looking for them :)

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Fall Break!

In less that 24 hours I will have A WHOLE WEEK OFF!!! I love love love my job, but it just gets more difficult each year. It has only been 9 weeks so far, but I am thanking God for the week long break we get in the fall.

My plans for the week you ask?!?!? NOTHING set in stone. I plan on resting, relaxing, and pampering. I am finally going to get my hair colored and cut. It has been since before school started. And for many that might not make that big of a deal, but see I have this "skunk stripe" (what my bff and hair guru calls it) it is literally a stripe starting at my forehead. Yep that's right, right in front and it isn't just gray... It's starting to grow out white. So, pulling it back in a pony tail is kinda embarrassing at this point. Well, I think I might just get a facial or massage or something too. My mom and I are going to lunch and a movie. The rest is pretty open. My principal gave us orders that we were to leave school at school and spend the week school FREE. You don't have to tell me twice :)

Tuesday I went for my nutrition consult. And let's just say... the ball is rolling full speed ahead. I have an upper GI scheduled in two weeks, and my cardiac clearance first of November. And.... My surgery date! November 30th is the day! That will be the day I start the rest of my life. I am a ball of emotions about this. I am super excited to get on my way to a healthier, thinner me. I am anxious to see how it works out. I am scared of course its a major surgery. It will be laproscopic (sp), but still... I will go in with a whole stomach and come out with one the size of a banana. I can't believe that it is coming so quickly.

Have a great Friday!

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Not lost, just crazy busy...

I have been pulled in so many directions lately I can't tell if I am coming or going. So of course blogging has been put on the back burner. So much has happened since my last post.. ( of course that happens when its like a month an a half). So this is my recap post and hopefully I can get back into the swing.

First, off I have the cutest little firsties ever! They are great! I am loving being back in 1st grade. Now I do have to say that being back in 1st hasn't all be roses and rainbows... It is a lot of work to get everything perfect. And we are about to start week 7 and I am still working on this. But, I am up for the challenge because this is my dream job! So, moving to Common Core State Standards is a lot of work. It will pay off in the long run, but its a little overwhelming trying to go straight to them, when our TN state standards don't really mesh very well. We had a district learning day on Friday, which only overwhelmed most of us more. I just wish everyone would have an open mind, which is not the case. But, enough about school... it already consumes my life... no need to consume my blog too lol.

Weight loss surgery update. Aside from the monthly check ins, I have to have a psychological eval, upper gi, cardiac check up, and dietitian visits. I had the psychological eval on Thursday. Let's just say, by the end I wondered if I might be MENTAL. I had no idea what I was in for, but lets just say it was NOTHING like I expected. I talked with the lady for maybe 20 mins and spend another 1 and 25 mins filling out a 567 item true or false bubble test. I laughed at some of the questions, rolled my eyes at others. I realized about half way in that some of those questions for for people who were bi polar, some for multiple personalities, some for abused people, you name it they were there. I just hope and pray they don't grade it and think I have some problems... Because by 357 I wasn't sure if I was answering them the same as I had earlier in the test. Yeah they asked the same question like 5 or 10 times just in different words. But the thought did occur to me, if you were to have some mental disorder... would you answer truthfully... Like to the question, "sometimes I hear voices and can't figure out where they are coming from." I mean wouldn't one of those voices tell you no that is false? or if you had stolen something from your friend because you liked it so much, would you really put true. But anyway, the Dr. said if I didn't hear from her then I was good to go. So, here's to hoping I don't hear from her. :)

House news... well we got our first and only offer so far... It was a whopping $61544. Yep thats right our house is listed for $109900 and that is what they offered. It was a company in AZ. We nicely rejected the offer all together. Both Robbie and I have pretty much decided we are done with the whole process. Other houses in our hood are selling for well above what we are asking, and we are just done. Not sure if it is our agent, our house, or us. But we are thinking of doing some things to it this winter and maybe put it back up in april. But we have to ride the contract we have now out unit Christmas. Its just added stress and disappointment that we really don't need right now or anytime really.

Our baby girl Zoe is growing up so much, and she is definitely the one ruling breezy valley now. Zeke just looks at us like,  you wanted this thing. lol I have been a tad under the weather yesterday and today, and they have been fighting over who is going to stay by my side. It was sweet.  Here is a picture with a growth progression. This from June 21st - August 16th.  She's our big girl :)

 This one is from a week or two ago :)
And she found her bark this past weekend. She has the "manly bark" of two of them. It is just so much fun watching her grow and develop! I am one proud mommy! :)

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Could have done without that...

I am one of those people who can watch a movie a few times and if I like, be able to recite the whole move... So, if you can tell me what movie this blog title came from you get a gold star. lol It is one of my all time favorite movies ever! Unfortunately, the star of the movie died of a drug overdose... Ok that is the only clue I am giving :)

No really, this past week I had a few experiences that I could have done without. See this past week was our first week back in our classrooms to start getting ready for the new school year that starts in T-minus 15 days... 15 DAYS!!!! See this wouldn't be that big of a deal except I am moving down to 1st grade (THANK YOU LORD & PRINCIPAL T). See I have to start from scratch, because I gave all of my 1st grade stuff away after my first year in 4th. Now 5 years later I am starting ova. Its alright though because I am a little person teacher at heart anyway. So Monday, I got in there and couldn't see the forest for the trees. So I had HUGE plans for Tuesday, I was going to be there all day. Side Bar: I should never "plan" anything with the house on the market... its like realtors have bugged my house and call to show whenever I have said out loud, "I have plans." 

So, Tuesday morning at 8:20 I get a text message, to show my house for 2 freaking hours... WHAT? I respectfully told them they could pick one hour. So, 10:30 - 11:30 it was, it gave me time to get up and get the house spic and span... At 11:28 they call to say she needs more time. I have been sitting in my car with it running for an hour with 2 crazy dogs and she wants more time?!?!?! I said ok. At 11:50, i mins after she said she would be there I call back. She is 10 mins away. Here I climb on my soap box. If your job is to show houses, and you know that the seller is sitting in the car in the 100+ degree temps SHOW UP ON TIME or don't make the appointment. You need time management training anyway. NO ONE sets up showing times for 2 hours. So they finally showed up and I get back in my house with my hot dogs (yes they have fur coats ya know) at 12:15. I am so mad I could spit nails so no classroom work Tuesday. We get another showing that night... more about that in a minute.

Well, Wednesday am I get up early and make my way to my 3rd check in with my dr. for the insurance co. for my surgery. My blood pressure seems to be higher when I go in the am, because everyone and their brother goes to the dr. and I end up parking 5 miles from the building and have to truck it to make the appointment time. So, I got there early, only about a half mile (not really but for a fat girl it still is a ways to walk... good exercise but, not good for bp. ) The nurse takes my blood pressure and says, whoa.. that is really high (189/110). I immediately FREAK OUT! She says here sit here and find your happy place and I will come back and take it again.... Um all I could think about was I must be dying!!! my bp is usually 120/80 at the highest. It is 166/110 this time, I start crying... why is this happening to me. I am a crier too, once I start I can't stop. Dr. K comes in and says what is wrong... you are probably just having anxiety or something. But, does and EKG just to make sure. My heart is fine, my head not so much. See apparently (I am learning so much about health and health issues these days) high bp can cause very bad headaches... But headaches can also cause your bp to go up. So in the words of Dr. K which came first... we don't know yet. He doesn't put me on meds, but tells me to take it easy and take my bp once a week for the next 4 weeks til I see him in Aug.

I am headed on my way with a headache, the fear of high bp and its side effects, and I get a feed back email from the night times showing stating my house's price is too high for the size, and needs to be cleaned..... It really is amazing I didn't kill over right there in the elevator! By the time I get home I am feeling really weird and my head feels like it might explode. I try to rest and sleep... not happening. So I call my mom, talk to her and she informs me that with bp like that I could have a stroke.... WHAT?!?!?

I am pretty sure that Wednesday was the biggest eye opener ever! It is so important to pay attention to your body and your health. It wasn't until about midnight that I finally started feeling normal again. I am looking into putting the cake biz on hold for a while, and trying to not get so upset about things... I don't ever want to feel like that again. I am looking at all the balls I am juggling and seeing what I really need to keep and what I can let go of. It will be hard for me not to freak out or obsess over things, but I am going to try not to for my health's sake. Moral to this story: Take care of yourself! All that other stuff won't matter if you aren't around to see it or participate in it.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

The card attached would say...

Ok I know I am a dork... that has been obvious for years. I have a weird and quirky sense of humor. I have always loved Golden Girls! I mean they were funny when I was a kid, they are even funnier now. I find myself laughing so hard I cry sometimes. I guess you could say their humor is like mine. I once took one of those silly quizzes on FB about which Golden Girl would you be... I wasn't sure who I would be but the fact that I got Rose made me die laughing. Am I really that character? Which Golden Girl would you be?Anyway, when I watch the reruns over and over they are still funny to me. What happened to that kind of good tv?

Tonight I got together with my sorority sisters that get together at least once a month. I know I have previously posted about these girls. I love them so, it is sometimes hard to hear of all the blessings and miracles in their lives when I am bombarded with the unanswered prayers over here ( insert pitty party... I think I am about done with those though!). In fact, many times I don't make it to these get togethers because I tell myself I won't have anything to contribute. Most have children, a few are singles, then there is me the infertile. How crazy is it that when infertility is introduced in your life it starts defining you? Well, I am glad I went tonight. I don't know why I let my little infertile devil on my shoulder talk me out of making time to go each month. These ladies are truly the best thing since sliced bread. I can be me infertile or not, over weight or not, crazy or not and guess what THEY LOVE ME for me! I have got to remember this when my little voice says nah you are too busy,  or too tired,  or even just not sure you can handle the kid talk etc. Anyway these girls have been in my life since college. I watched them all join my chapter DG (I am the oldest pledge class represented) I actually pref'd a few of them, one is my lil sis, we really are like real sisters, we all watch out for each other. Don't mess with my sister lol. We are there for happy times,  we are there for the sad times, we even send group texts that drive me crazy lol. I have a few true friends that are not in this group of girls, but when anything happens in my life aside from family these girls are the ones I want to tell first.  

I am so truly blessed with a wonderful life, wonder friends, and so many more exciting miracles to come. So, if you threw a party and invited everyone you knew... would the card attached say Thank you for being a friend? I am so thankful for these girls and I hope they all know that the biggest gift would be from me! I just wanted to put it in writing! :)

Here are some funny scenes from my favorite old show :)

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Completely Overjoyed & Excited!!!

I am going to start this post with my complete overjoy for C and her husband the birth of their son Anthony!!! I first started reading her blog a little over a year ago. I could identify with her feelings and was going through the same phases of this journey as she was... Although she was further along but, that was helpful too. She posted about a novena and it intrigued me. Because of sweet C I joined her in prayer and focused my prayer and actually set aside time to do so. I think really that it not only helped my spiritual journey, it really helped me give it all to God, and focus on thanking him for all I have and to pray for others in a much more focused way.

 So, when fast forward to last Friday... She posted about "the call." They were picked by a birth mother in California. So Saturday they were able to fly to get that precious little miracle! This makes my smile just typing it. I am so overjoyed for her little family.

Now for the excited part... I had my first appointment with my bariatric surgeon today. I know in the past I have posted about this... I can't remember (getting old... my mom asked me today if I was really going to be 33 in a few weeks lol I AM!!!) But, I am going to take charge of my life and do this surgery. After ho humming it for a year and being generally disgusted with what I am become, I made the first move back in May. I am on my third  monthly weigh in, and have only 3 more to go. It looks like my surgery will be about the first or second week in Dec.

I love my surgeon. She is very personable and is highly recommended. She told me today (what my internal med dr. has already told me) that I am perfect candidate for the surgery. I will be doing the gastric sleeve. This is where they actually remove about 85% of my stomach completely. The other type,  gastric bypass actually leaves it in there... I can't do that. I know am weird I know. Anyway, the even more AWESOME news that she told me today was... It almost 100% CURES PCOS. That is the best news of all!!! She did say that with in 3 months you could get pregnant, but they don't recommend it for a year or your weight plateaus. I had already decided that we would not try until after that year, I would be 34 and that is still pretty young right? Not to mention, I don't want to not lose as much as I could because I get pregnant in the early stages of weight loss... wouldn't that be defeating the purpose? I mean I can't be as healthy as I can be for my child, if I don't do the work to get that way. This surgery is only a tool to help, its not going to work by itself. I am just so ready to make this change and get on with my life... and maybe even find the real/ old me that is hiding inside this larger than life body.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Sweet Summertime and a big announcement (not what you might think)

Well Summer has been doing me GOOD!!!

I can't believe we are already over half way through June... My time is going fast. That could be one of the reasons I am having a hard time finding time to blog... So my posts this summer might be a lot of hodgepodge (sidebar, Robbie saw that on a sign today and was like wth? So I had to explain lol)

So, this past Thursday... June 14th was our 4th... YES FOURTH wedding anniversary. Its crazy to think we have been married that long. Especially when other anniversaries hang over head like little black rain clouds and seem to go on an on an on. Any we decided that the beach wasn't happening so we went up to Iowa for Steamboat Days instead (way cheaper too).  My hub's family is from there and uncle actually was over the entire grounds during the even. What on Earth would entice me to ride for almost 9 hours for my anniversary, you might ask... BLAKE SHELTON and Luke Bryan with VIP passes... we were supposed to do the meet and greet but, that didn't work out.  It was an amazing anniversary for sure!

Now I will not lie, the ride home on Saturday was TORTURE!!! But it was a great trip and we got to see our Iowa & Texas cousins. It was a great 4 day trip. 

Now on to our big announcement.... Drum Roll Please....

 Zeke the devil dog would like to introduce you to his new little sister Zoe. 
 She is just precious!!! Since human babies are not in our grasp these days. We decided Zeke needed a sibling of the furry kind. She is a chunk and is BUSY!!! But, she is so sweet and loves to play. She was found while the rescue people were looking for the dog with the jug stuck on his head early in June (the only reason I mention that is because it was on national news). She is probably going to be bigger than him, but Zeke will still run this house :) We get to get her in the morning, but she will be getting "fixed" so once she is back to normal I will post some pictures of them playing together. 

Until then, here is Zeke thinking the kennel was for him and trying to figure out how to get comfortable in the little kennel. It was so funny, he had to lie down diagonally and he kept looking at me like, uh mom... this is too small... why would you buy this? Is this a joke?!?!?!

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Livin' the Dream

That is the one phrase I can't wait to say... Unfortunately at this point in our lives we aren't. Now I don't mean to be a Debbie downer in this post, but I am going to be real with my emotions and need to get this out so that in the future when we are livin' the dream ( God willing) I can remember my feelings. I don' t think it is ever possible to forget all the ball of emotions we go through at IFers but just in case... I am getting this down on record... This blog will be/is one of my most prized possessions and as I am typing... I think there is probably a post about this very thing each year if you go back... I don't want to be a broken record, but I think as we grow older maybe we have a different take on thing... maybe...Anyway...

Robbie and I have always made no bones about the fact that we wanted to have kids, be parents, live the dream. Until 3 years ago, we never even thought that we might have that opportunity. I mean I guess we were "those people" picking out names of kids before we really even had been trying a month, talking about how life will be with a family.

Now, we both were close to the last of our friends to get married. Which of course means we were older when we started trying, etc. We were able to see all of our friends have their first baby, in so cases with our fertile myrtle friends, their second babies. This is where life got harder and harder for me, ( I am pretty sure it was for Robbie too, but he had to be the rock for me at this point) We were trying and nothing was working, I was becoming that crazy woman who was demanding baby making on command because it was the ONLY time we could conceive. Man, thinking back to those days, I kind of wish we hadn't known all this stuff. But, the fun was gone and it was just another thing we had to schedule into our daily lives. While all of our friends ( it seemed, but not everyone of them) could still have that fun married people life whether they wanted to make a baby or not.

Fast forward a year or two, and my ideas on baby making had changed. We had spent thousands on treatments, procedures, shots, and pills. Which all amounted to less money in our account and my crazy sporadic mood swings. Poor Robbie, he deserves a congressional medal of honor!!! I embraced friends babies as that best thing for me to do, get my baby fix with other's babies.

Here we are at year 3... nothing but extra lbs from emotional eating and trying to dull the pain of everyone else moving on with my dreams and we are still yearning for our little baby gift from God. Now I look at my friends, and I know that no one, no matter how perfect they make it look, has a perfect life. But d@*n, some people are so good at making it look PERFECT. It honestly is hard for me not to go to that place of envy or questioning "what I did earlier in my life to cause us so much strife later in life." I know that God is not punishing us, but when I look at some of my friends, they are much younger and are good at making babies, have debt free lives, live where they want to live, I mean its like they can live life footloose and fancy free.  Then I look at our lives and we can't sell our house, can't make a baby, can't lose weight, its like we can't catch a break.  I feel like Winnie the Pooh... I have a little black rain cloud following me lol. I know everything happens for a reason, but could we get some little reprieve to help us keep trucking?

Don't get me wrong, I am so totally blessed for what we do have, but I woke up at 2:34 this morning and couldn't get back to sleep til after 4:30. For some stupid reason, this was all I could think about. I know God has a plan for each and everyone of us... I just wish I had some idea where or when we get to live the dream.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

I'm BACK!!! :)

Ok we are back in business. We finally got internet, and school is OUT!!! I really can't remember what I was going to blog about back when I couldn't do it easily... So, this will probably be another mixed bag of stuff... and then I will be back on track.

I think I mentioned the gastric bypass last time, I am still waiting to hear from the surgeon's office to schedule my 1st appointment. Once I meet with him or her, I will then have to have a psychological and meet with a nutritionist. I have to ( as of now, praying its only 3) meet up with my Internist once a month for 6 months to document weight loss attempts. The Internist seems to think I might could have the surgery by fall. But I am praying for Christmas.

In other news I am happy to say I am moving back down to 1st grade!!!! I am so excited and a weight called TVASS has been lifted.

Our house... It seems as though it will never sell. Our dang master bath is small... I did sacrifice when I bought, because the rest of the house was so cute and great for entertaining. Well it seems that in this market of a forclosure on every corner, buyers seem to think they will find EVERYTHING they want in one house. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to see what exactly these people buy when they pass over our house. It would help me feel better about the situation, I think. We are coming up on 1 year on the market... Really?!?!? As much as I would love to move, I love my house... small bathroom and all. But, my fear is that waiting longer will only make it worse when we go to sell in later. We are already listed less than what I originally paid for it. In a few years who knows where the property value will be? :(

So, we redid our front flower bed this weekend, and I have decided to redo our laundry room... easy, cheap, and fun. Our laundry room is not much bigger than the wash and dryer themselves, so we are talking a small area. I have picked out a paint color, a new light fixture and some extra shelving. I think I will be able to do everything I want to do for about $150.

I think that is all for now...  Hope you all are doing well! I am playing catch up on reading blogs :)

Friday, May 18, 2012


I would like to start this post with the  bad & ugly...  Then I will get to the good. :)
The cable/ internet people have already messed up and I don't even have internet yet. Well, apparently the nice man I talked to over a week and 1/2 ago was new or just a bad employee. I still have no stuff to hook up, in fact after calling today, guess what.... HE DIDN'T PUT IN THE ORDER!!! Come to find out, someone will have to come out and install because we don't have a signal coming to the house. But, the nice man I talked to today was having to cancel the other account that other guy set up before he could get it started correctly. Of course my break was over and I had to get back to class... and this helpful guy was supposed to call me back.... Good thing I didn't hold my breath. Still no call back and I am just beginning to think we will never have internet again!!!

Now on to the good. I have taken charge of the weight issues I have always had. I have started my monthly weight loss attempts and all of my doctors are supportive and ready to get me to the surgery. SO, by Christmas I might be well on my way (have had the sleeve type of gastric bypass surgery) to a healthier self. I am really motivated and excited where this journey has now taken me.

So, as much as I thought I would have internet and be able to get caught up and such, that is now on the back burner again until someone with a brain gets in touch with me and sets up an appointment.... Heck at this rate I might have my surgery before I get internet. haha Have a great weekend!

Monday, May 14, 2012


Ok, it has been a LONG time since I have posted. I didn't really have time, or anything good to say there for a while because I was so focused on state testing, selling my house, and figuring out what the heck was wrong with me.  Since my last few posts, testing is OVA!!! I have had my sonohysterogram, didn't really find much of anything... but there is a story and the house is more of the same.

I do want to thank Lucky as Sunshine for the blogger award. I feel terrible that he gave it to me so long ago and I am just now able to thank her properly. But to add to my chaos, the Internet we have been using is no longer available, and we are patiently (NOT) for xfinity to mail our new stuff so I will be back up and running! (side note where would we be today without all this technology) I do have the app for my phone but jeeze it hardly ever works correctly and my eyes are getting worse for trying to see the tiny typing.

Anyway the blogger award post will be next when I am not rushed at work to get something down.. I want to make it meaningful :)

So, school is out for summer in 9 days.. 10 if you count today. Up until today I have counted the day but now, it can be single digits so even though today is not over, there are 9 days left.  WOO HOO!!!

I had my SHG (is that the abbreviation?) on Thursday. I took the whole day off. The appointment was supposed to be at 10:15. The office called at 9:00 to say the ultrasound tech called in sick. The only appointment that day was at the other office at 3:15. I took it only to find that a close friend (who is a Dr. in my practice) would be doing the test. WHAT????? I wasn't sure that this was ok, but I had taken the day off and wanted answers... the stuff I have been dealing with is HORRENDOUS! So I met my bff for lunch so she could talk me into this being ok. I mean, I have known this guy since college, he married a sorority sister, delivered my bff's twins, it would be ok... but the anxiety involved could overcome me. About an hour before the appointment he had his nurse call to make sure I was ok with him doing the test.  At this point, I am desperate for answers so, I went on with it. Well, it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I mean if my Dr. can't do it at least I know him and he will shoot me straight. TMI alert: The only VERY awkward part was when the saline... came out. They lie when they tell you it will drip out. I felt like (what I can imagine) my water broke all over his feet. But they only saw one spot and it could have possibly been the catheter. But the kicker was they put me on birth control to help with the irregular stuff going on. I have mixed feelings. I mean for almost 3 years it hasn't worked even with meds, shots, iui so why not get on bc so that I have a normal cycle... but then there is that little voice inside saying well now you will never know. But for now I am ok with it... I think.

Jeeze my break goes by so fast when I need longer. I have to go for now, hopefully my internet will be up and running in the next day or so so I can update more and so my blogger award post.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Things that make me nauseous

Well, I wish I was posting that pregnancy did. 
You know you suffer from IF when you would gladly take nausea 24 7 
if it meant you were preggers lol

Dave Letterman has inspired me tonight, since I am suffering from nausea even as I type. I just e-filed our taxes

No really, here is my Top 10 list for right now (could/does change daily):

10. broken bones - it makes me so queasy to see broken bones and I felt pretty sick when I broke my foot

 9. kids or adults getting sick - I am just not the kind who can stomach watching, helping, seeing, smelling it... I am usually right behind them doing it too

8. people talking about inappropriate subjects at meals - people I don't want nor need to hear about your ailments at lunch

7. waking up late and being in a hurry - I guess maybe its the rush from jumping out of bed and running around like a chicken with my head cut off... but I usually feel like I could ralph until I am settled where I am supposed to be even though I am late.

6. pets that are mistreated - the ASPCA (sp?) commercials kill me, I cry every time, but the people who are able to abuse them just make me sick. Every time I look at my sweet Zeke I just cant imagine doing anything to hurt him.

5. teacher evaluations - ENOUGH SAID

4. speaking in front of HUGE crowds - Recently our school granted a Make a Wish wish for the sweet girl with a blood disorder. I had to do a "cake decorating" demo in front of our entire school students, faculty, and staff... I am great in front of a class, a few classes, even the faculty but the gym bleachers full and standing room only I honestly thought I might need to run to the bathroom. 

3. people who don't pay attention to their kids because they want to have fun, be cool, or are just bothered by them - If you are not ready to have children or wish you didn't have them... Let me adopt them don't leave them alone or let them play in/wander the streets. I get it that some people are just not grown up yet, but come on don't act like they are imposing on your time. Set some boundaries... rules are a great start. I guess because I want children so desperately I am just more sensitive, but there are people in walmart, at the park, at schools, and in the neighborhood that just don't get it. Kids no matter how young or old need structure. When people don't provide that structure and loving environment it makes me sick to my stomach.

2. people who don't try to get pregnant but do and then tell everyone it was an accident - If you have said this I am sorry, but no child is an accident. God had/has a reason he wanted you to be that child's parent... Obviously if you were having sex... you knew that was a possibility. Just hearing someone say those words,  I get that pit in my stomach and then the nausea 

1. TAXES - Last but not least tonight... My husband's w4 was not filled out correctly when we got married and now we are reaping the great fortune of having to pay taxes... ALOT to me and yes that just means we got more during the year, but when you don't know how much it will end up being you have no way of knowing what to save. So Uncle Sam, I will be paying in installments... that is if you allow that... So the waiting on the confirmation begins. And the new corrected w4 will be mailed to his employer ASAP. So maybe just maybe we might get some money back next year.

If you made it this far, I am sorry it this is kind of rant-y...These things really do make me feel sick to my stomach and have all happened in my presence on more than one occasion in recent times. 
OK maybe not #10 - it has been a while in real life, 
but it did happen on a show I like to watch RHOC... Poor Eddie and his pinkie. 

Just another Manic Monday, oh a whoa wish it was Sunday.... :)

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Day dreaming...

That is where I feel I have been on our adoption journey thus far...

I got our packet today from the adoption agency we thought would be a great fit. Little did I know that we will be headed back to the drawing board. When we checked into this journey last summer, I check out a national agency that has a local office here in our area. I was completely floored at how much it would cost us to adopt a baby through them. Along this journey I have sense found that there are more agencies locally that are not quite as expensive. So, I really excited when I found an agency that was affiliated with my church denomination. I thought oh this is for sure the place for us. I filled out our pre application and thought, OK here we go!

Well to my dismay the pre application didn't make it to them, so I was in contact with them last week and they got it, and sent us our packet. We were both excited to open it together and see what all was in there, since the website was a tad vague. Well, I know that those of you who have adopted have experience with how expensive it is to adopt, but my hopes and dreams of getting far in this process were kind of snuffed out when I saw and did the calculations of exactly how much it will cost us even on a sliding scale. And let me be frank, neither one of us make too terribly much in comparison to the the top out of the sliding scale but we are not that far from the top. So, I am just a little worried that this is not going to happen for us.

I would love to chat with some of you about this. I just don't know how or where to start to save the amount of money we are talking here. I guess it's back to the drawing board and maybe we will look into adoption lawyers to see what the difference in price is.

I completely understand why it is not a cake walk to be able to adopt to make sure that people are serious, and that the babies will have a great forever family. But, why do they make it so hard. Is living with the Scarlet letters IF not bad enough??? Nope, lets make it a little harder. I would venture to say that most people who can have their own kids couldn't afford adoption fees if they were imposed on you for your own children. Am I the only one who feels or thinks this? Just wondering.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Glad That Is Over!

First, I would like to thank you girls for your thoughts and prayers! I know I couldn't have gotten through it without them. Second, let me say I WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!!!

First of all, ever since we made the appointment my issues have gotten more haywire. So, I wasn't even sure if we would do the biopsy today or not. But, to my surprise they wanted to go ahead with it. So, I took some ibuprofen on my way there. As she was getting ready to start the procedure she said, " I love your toenail polish." I was like nice, she is trying to make small talk. LOL She tried to tell me what everything was while she was doing it but quickly realized that was not a good idea when I jumped and say OMG please stop! So then she started whispering to the nurse. About that same time the nurse told me I needed to breathe. Apparently, the pain was so terrible I was holding my breath.

The words you never want to hear during something like this... Oh man I need to do that again. Well I heard them :( And so by that time I was sobbing... Yes, I did become a child version of myself boohooing. The nurse gave me a tissue and said you are doing so good. I was having flash backs from having strep throat and having to get shots in my younger years. Well, she finally finished what felt like an hour of torture, really only like 10 mins and gave me the bad news. No nothing about what she found... WORSE. That there was probably not going to be enough of a specimen for the pathology to find anything. So, basically I went through all of this maybe for nothing.
So, in about 3 or 4 weeks I will be having a sonohysterogram and she swore to me after what I did today, it will be a piece of cake... but that is not what I have read or heard...So, be ready to hear about that crazy adventure in a month or so. In the mean time, I will know something or maybe nothing at all, this time next week about my torturous biopsy.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Biting My Nails & So Happy!

Well, I have been having some issues the past couple of months... have not felt myself AT ALL and things have been off. Crazy pretty much sums it up. At the recommendation of a teacher friends I went to the Doctor. I expected to get some provera and be on my way. Instead I am scheduled for an endometrial biopsy in two days, and a sonahysterogram after that... I have been having terrible cramping and sharp pains among other things I wont go into... I am scared to know what might be going on, and if I were a nail biter I would not have any nails left. I am just ready to know what is going on, and it is just a bunch of waiting. After my biopsy Thursday, I wont know any results until the following Friday the 13th. Really?!?!? I would absolutely love any prayers you can lift up.

In other news I am am completely ELATED and over the moon for A and her husband on the birth of their baby boy Luke! Check out her page and see how precious that sweet baby boy is! I am so happy for them. It gives me so much hope for our journey to our little gift from God.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

People Behaving Badly

Why is it that in life the "good" people follow rules, do as they are told, and make the best of bad situations, but people who are the exact opposite always get what the good people strive for???

I am sure this is a million dollar question, but it really drives me bonkers. Is it because those people who bend the rules, live with wild abandon, and pout and cause a scene are the squeaky wheel, and the society is just trying to pacify them so that they don't have to deal with them??? Well, it seems that way to me. I am a rule follower, people pleaser (as previously stated) who strives to follow the rules and do what is right as often as I can. Maybe, it seems this way because I am so scared to break the rules, because I will be the one who gets caught. And because of how I live my life, it will be disappointing to important people... so, I just grit my teeth at those who do what ever feels good and steal my thunder.

Recently, I was stuck in the middle of rock and a hard place where this exact thing was going on. It wasn't fair to anyone including the (lets call them) squeaky wheel. I just pulled up my boot straps and tried to make the best of the situation. Well, much to my surprise (sarcasm if you don't pick it up), the wheel, was completely oblivious to it's part in the total upheaval of a multitude of people. Why is it that wheels like this DON'T see it? I so wish I could have those rose colored glasses to live life through. In this situation, I remained strong and eventually, I spoke up. It took a little while, but finally it was "fixed." So, does speaking up "fix" this everytime??? NO. Sometimes it makes things worse.

Then more recently, I was again put in a situation where, another wheel complained enough to again put me in the rock and hard place again. Question: Do I have GLUTTON FOR PUNISHMENT on my forehead??? No, I just take what I am given and make lemonade. But, I am beginning to wonder... Why can't others make their lemonade, instead of me making it for them?

Why can people just let their houses go and steal everything out of the house and move on like nothing is wrong. Who has to pay for this? ME and the people who end up buying the houses... The difference is that the people buying at least get a great deal, and I get people not seeing my house because its not on clearance.

Why are there some parents out there that act all but, put out that they have children to "deal" with? When so many of us others would die to have children?

But more to the point, why is ok for people to behave badly and then those of us who don't get to sit the bench and watch our dreams through their lives? My dad would say,"It builds character." But, should those squeaky wheels need to build character too? I guess this is one thing much like IF that I will never understand. But, it does help me self-assess and try with all my might not become the squeaky wheel. But, I will voice my opinion so those who need to know will know how I feel.

I really needed to post this a while ago, but just haven't had the time or could get my thoughts in the right order. I hope this makes sense.

Dear Lord,
Please give me peace of mind about this. I know I am not supposed to understand, I know that you have something AMAZING planned for my life. I just needed to put this out there.
Thanks for all the many blessings you have given and continue to give me! I am truly blessed!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Spring Break!!!

Well, we are on spring break. I am trying to take it so easy. But, this is day two and I have been to the dentist both days - Monday, teeth cleaning, today, cavity filled. Lets just say, I better nothave to go back for at least 6 months lol.

I have a multitude of projects to do this week, and tomorrow is already Wednesday! Why does the time go so fast??? So far, I have made a couple door signs out of burlap, planted pansies in the planters on my front stoop, contemplated, decided on, and stained the cedar shutters my sweet hubs made me for Valentine's day. I am currently working on a door sign for our front door. But, I have 3 vinyl and wood signs to make (one of which is for A my prayer buddy from like 3 buddy cycles ago. Yep, I procrastinate MUCHO). I also have the column on our front porch to stain and a couple of cakes over the next few days. Some how I need to make it to the doctor, get my hair done (although that might be on hold due to a death in my friend's family), and I really wanted to get my dogs worked on. I need a pedicure like no other!!! I might need to take my hand held sander with me for my heels they are BAD!
Here a few pics of things I have been working on:

I made this cake this past weekend for a sweet friend's little boy.

I mad this for my sweet friend's baby girl that was born on Thursday night. I also made another one this weekend for a friend.

This is today's project staining our shutters. I have to get more stain in the am to do the column.

But, I did do something that I have been dragging my feet about off and on for months. Recently, the baby cycle started again. Yes, that is how I think of it, because about the time all my friends have finished having their babies, a whole new set of women I know one way or another start announcing they too are now starting a new 9 month cycle. Well, I guess it was over the weekend, after seeing a bunch of FB announcements and while I was sitting in my car with Zeke and waiting on showings no doubt, that I was done waiting, being too busy, letting life get in the way... So, I got on-line and filled out the pre-application for the adoption agency we were thinking of going with. Now I am just waiting on them to get back with me. If I don't hear back in the next day or so, I am going to call them. We need to get the ball rolling. I am ready to be the one announcing. I am ready to move from always being the wife, not the mom.

My thoughts for Spring 2012

Monday, March 12, 2012

Random Thoughts at 2:47 am by: Yours Truly

Ok, I have not had time to blog and have had multiple blogs to post on, but like I said I need a few extra hours in the day in order to get that done. So... first night of Spring Break and I have MASSIVE heartburn and can't sleep. Hopefully what I am about to write will make some sort of sense and get me back on track for posting. We shall see. haha

First of all, life has been going so fast lately, I am not sure if I am coming or going most of the time. It seems like it was just the new year and its already the middle of March. We haven't had but like 2 cold days this winter, so maybe that is why it seems like the year is flying by. No snow, in fact on days we were going to see snow we didn't because it was like late spring type temps. Who ever thought it could be 70 in Jan. & Feb??? Maybe if you live in FL... or in the case Memphis, TN. Anyway, now that it should be getting warmer, we have had a few cold days. WTH?

Teacher evaluations... enough said. Most of my school year has been focused on stressing out about 2 hours, or 2 one hour evals. The first one as I wrote back in Dec. was less that desirable. My second was a couple of weeks ago, and "WHO ROCKED THE EVAL???," You ask? ME! Oh yeah it was great. The kids all did what they were supposed to, the lesson was great, and did I mention this was the drop in? Let's just say, the scores were amazing! I am so proud of myself. In fact, it made me feel so much better, after the last 3 months of questioning if being the average Joe wasn't just a OK. This evaluation showed the teacher that I really am, and made me stop questioning my "3"ness. It was great because the person who evaluated me, also evaluated me last year, so she was able to see the growth from this time last year to now, on top of the the the things I scored 3s in the first eval. She said it was never bad before, but this year's was amazing the change from before. I am a life long learner and the pleaser type personality. It killed me that got 3s on the first eval. So, I really took what was said to heart (probably a little too much, as I actually thought about becoming the walmart greeter at times over the past 3 months) and changed my approach and BAM 4s and 5s!

Having a house on the market is, well lets put it nicely a living nightmare right now. With the housing market in the toilet, I am just happy to get a call for a showing. But, with houses in my hood selling for less that $100,000 because of foreclosure, it makes it hard on a girl who isn't trying to get out the easy way. Sure I could do like most the people in my little starter home community do and let my house go, strip it of all the electrical, appliances, and such. But, being the responsible citizen and adult, I can't let myself be that irresponsible. So, my responsibility gets trampled on by those irrational people who think that they can truly get a move in ready home for less that nothing. (OK I might be on a tirade, bear with me) This week to my surprise we have had 3 calls for showings. One of which was cancelled because they called to show at the exact time they were calling and both of us were at work and missed the call, and couldn't have gotten the dog anyway. The other two this weekend. Here are my complaints about these two showings in bullet form :)
By the way their feedback was "Buyer thought the house needs carpet and paint now."
  • Saturday's showing was from 10 - 11 am. They showed up at 10:57
  • They stayed for 20 mins (making me think oh they must like)
  • First of all, we have new carpet in the front of the house, and $1000 in carpet allowance for the bedrooms of which is really more than enough CASH at closing for new carpet in 3 bedrooms.
  • Second, we painted everything right before we put it on the market.
  • Third, we are practically giving our house away (less than I originally paid for it) there have to be concessions made when buying a house. GET REAL!
  • My closing comment - You will not find a house in this area this well kept and move in ready. You obviously don't have a rational idea of what you can afford and/or what is out there. I would love to see what they actually buy.
Sunday showing feedback:"showed o.k., client wasn't satisfied that this was the one however."
  • First of all, who ends a statement with however? that goes at the front of a sentence.
  • Second, the showing time was from 1 - 2 pm. The agent did show up until 2:25 the people sat in our driveway from 2 to 25 then got out for like 5 mins... never even saw them go into the house.
  • Third, I would love to see what they say about foreclosed houses... if our was just OK.
  • Closing comment - I am absolutely OK with the fact that our house might not be the one, but when you drive up late for the appointment in your ghetto sled and don't even go in my house, I would probably prefer you not give feedback.
I guess I am just hung up on common courtesy. Show up for the appointment when you say you want it,(last Sat. showing just didn't even show up) people live in the house you are looking at and its rude to impose on my time and then leave crapy feedback. So far only 2 or 3 of the 19 showings we have had have left any feedback that is useful. Of course both were things that I can't change(bathroom too small). And then the carpet thing, so we allowed for the $1000 to replace it. I also wonder what these people end up buying because I have looked at the houses in our area for sale, and its not pretty. I Just can't believe that not a single showing has even put a low ball offer in. I mean no where does it say we are set in stone or firm on the price ( even though we aren't going much lower). Sorry for the rant, I needed to get that off my chest.

Back to the heart burn, I rarely have hb and Tums or a coke usually do the trick. This week I have had this 3 nights and it is driving me nuts. Please offer any ideas you have.

Sunday, February 19, 2012


The past two weeks have been terribly stressful and tiring. I haven't been to work out and have been sick. Eating healthy has fallen by the way side. Last Sunday we missed church and my mom made the comment at family dinner that night, that it was because I need to make it to church. She is always on our case about something (just being a mom, not being mean or anything)... this week church was it. I hated that we missed, but it happens. I am sure that God isn't letting bad things happen because I miss...

But back to my topic, we went to church this morning, and it was just want I needed. (like always) The title of today's message was "Heal the Wounded" with scripture from Mark 1:29 - 45. This whole message series has been about the church body being the place to get Jesus, and share him with others. I absolutely love our pastor and could listen to him for hours. The heart of every messages that Jesus and God have for us is LOVE. Today, Steve spoke about how Grace is love lived out actively, specifically, intensely and delivered personally that heals the wounded. He also pointed out that we are all wounded in some way (which we all know... IF weighed heavy during this celebration). But that if we come to church, that church is the "medicine" that will heal us. We experience grace in many ways, but that Jesus is the focus with the church family during celebrations so, we can experience his grace every Sunday as a group. This time is the time we can all have Jesus heal our wounds and we can help each other in the healing process. Now I know we all know this, but I think our wounds sometimes make us doubt that healing. He did make the point that when we truly feel our wounds, is the time when we are truly ready to face them and start the healing process. We then were invited to be anointed with oil to commit to start healing our wounds.

I was over come with emotion. I know God was telling me it was time. No more ignoring my yearning for our baby. No more excuses on why I can't lose the weight. I am ready to face them head on and let Jesus and my church family help me heal these wounds!!! I have excuses to cover up the fears I have. I have let it all go, but then hidden behind other things/ reasons. I am done. FOR REAL!!! Unfortunately, my emotions were big enough I was semi sobbing, poor Robbie never knows what to do when that happens.

But, this has really got me thinking about what I plan on doing for Lent. In the past I have given up things, last year I didn't focus on myself, and beefed up my prayer. I prayed specifically for friends who were wanting to have babies and/or pregnant (my prayers were answered the people I prayed for daily have their babies to snuggle with this year). This year, I think I want to give up eating fast food. I have done this in the past and it is hard for me. McDonald's coke is an addiction I have, so giving this up would be a form of fasting. But, I also like to add something beneficial to my life, like the specific prayer last year. I think I want to write a letter to 40 different people to tell them what they mean to me. A friend did this in Dec. and I was the first person she wrote a letter to. It not only made my day, it really was heart felt, and I think sometimes in this busy world we forget to tell people how we really feel about them, and the difference they make in our lives.

This video was shown in clips today at church (started my crying in the beginning of the celebration... and once I start... There isn't really an end, hence the sobbing by the end) it really is a good video.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Love this song!!!

This was played on Parenthood Tuesday. I love it!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Confessions of an IF girl... Inspired by Making God Laugh

So, I haven't posted in a while, one because I have been so busy with this, that, and the other. But I have also had major writers block. I hardly ever have nothing to say... but lately, nothing. But today catching up with blogs I read something BRILLIANT! Polka Dot at Making God Laugh (she prayed for me during prayer buddies), wrote a post today that gave me inspiration.

So, here goes! As a person bearing the cross of infertility, I have some things that I don' t talk too much about for fear that those who don't understand infertility, might give me yet another label of "coo coo for cocoa puffs." Those who can make babies like factories sometimes say things that are not meant to hurt, but lets face it they do. So, one with IF starts being guarded with emotions, feelings, and even in some cases shopping. I have learned that sometimes its just easier to stay out of conversations because of the question that always comes up, "So how many children do you have?" So to talk about the things that I have bought, thought, discussed with my husband has not come up that much in convos. But after reading Polka Dot's post today, I want to talk about it, and at least have it written so one day in the far future I can come back to it.

There are a few things that I have kept to myself, my husband, and maybe a few close friends here or there.

First of all, my husband and I have the two names we want to name our precious miracles, when God blesses us with them. Now, I have had a lot of turmoil with this because, as people lap us on kids, our names have been used multiple times. But, I have finally gotten to a place where I am ok, Robbie has always said," Who cares, we don't hang out with them that much anyway." God truly blessed me with a fabulous husband who tries to cheer me up and help me through all of these emotions. That of course is not to say that he understands it all. lol We picked the names when we had just started trying and hadn't a clue that it wasn't as easy as everyone else made it look.

A few weeks after our wedding my grandmother passed away. I got some china that she had (tea party like) in hopes to incorporate it in my little girls room... This was 1 year before we ever started trying... So some of these things are pre IF and some are post IF.

We have had some times in the past 3 years that were really low... Almost hopeless at times. I think due to those times it was hard to be around happy pregnant women and families with their children. But, luckily God has carried us through all of those times (and there still are moments... but not as many). When I wasn't completely beside myself, a very fertile friend I met through this journey sent me a sweet gift that was cupcakes made out of baby wash clothes. She had the idea that I should not stay away from baby stuff, rather start buying for our future miracle. Now at first I had a little breakdown, because I felt like she felt sorry for me, but then went through the emotional gamut, like why would she think this was what she should send me.... Needless to say, she said she did this for herself. So, I thought what the heck. But didn't buy anything right away.

In the past year and 1/2 virtually everyone but my sister and me has been pregnant and had a bambino or two. So, I have been bombarded with babies and pregnancy. It got me thinking so, I started getting some things. Actually, I started buying furniture. I found a wooden baby bassinet and bought it to paint for our bedroom when we bring home our sweet bundle. It's in storage now... But, it will be perfect one day. I even thought about using it a baby showers until for presents.

Of course being the creative and crafty person that I am have already figure out how we would tell everyone that we are preggo, and even how I will tell Robbie. I found exactly what I need for it, and have gotten all the way to the check out, but not bought it yet. But, It will be THE BEST THING EVER!!! So, I might as well just push submit and hide it until I need it. Of course with an adoption it wont be quite the same, so we could use it to tell everyone else.

At Christmas, it was a little more emotional that I anticipated. Like I said it comes up at different times... but my mom completely surprised us both with money for our adoption fund, but also a boy and girl U of Memphis onsie. It threw us for a total loop, but was so sweet. I can now put that with other baby things I have saved away in the closet.

I have a pinterest board devoted to things I like for baby. Its called One day in the future... Hopeful sounding huh. Sometimes I have to look at it in order to remember to keep hope alive. Robbie is still so much more hopeful that me at times, but as crazy as it might sound wether or not I have IF I will continue to collect things for our baby(s) and one day hopefully sooner than later, I will be posting about using the the things I have talked about, names, clothes, furniture, etc.

So, my post isn't exactly the same as my inspiration but, it is my take on her post. :)

Sunday, January 22, 2012

2 hours until we start our new lives

Well, in 2 hours it will be the official start day for our new lives... I am SO happy that the hubs in on board. I just feel like with both of us trying we should be successful, I mean if 2 heads are better than 1...

We tried to eat things this weekend that we like and know are not healthy. I have my workout partner lined up for tomorrow, I got some new work out attire this weekend. And I came across this awesome visual on pinterest that I thought would help us visualize our goal and see our success each week.

Our weigh loss visual

We counted up how much we wanted to lose, then weighed... We both added a few to the original numbers and volia! We filled the jar and are ready to do great this week so we can move some of those babies over to the lost jar! I also made a chart that we can record our weekly weight and lbs lost. I am so excited and glad we are finally really doing this!!!

Thursday, January 19, 2012

I bit the bullet

Yep, I did it! I joined a gym tonight! I already lined up a work out partner for Monday. Here we go... Goal = 10 lbs a month. Surely I can do that if I am working out 3 to 5 times a week and watching what I am eating. That would be 60 lbs by the summer.. and maybe a baby in the new year. Oh and I need to mention.... You might want to sit down for this one... ROBBIE JOINED TOO!!!! Loading up my ipod as you are reading this :)

Please pray for both of us to stick with it, not only for our health, but our chance for a precious miracle.

Monday, January 16, 2012

One take on Prayer

I saw this on FB today and had to share. If you have ever seen any of the Tyler Perry, Medea movies you know she is a crazy black lady who in all her craziness, has a true understanding of God at times... other times she is just a hoot. This is the best description of how prayers are answered I can come up with, and its kind of funny too :) Granted it is about finding a man... but, it can so be worked on the baby angle. So, I hope you either get something out of it or laugh a little out loud .

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Do You Share...

Well it was looking like my "New Years Resolution" had already been ditched... See I wanted to try my darnedest to make it to church every Sunday in 2012. Well.... the first Sunday, the hubs had had a little too much fun with the neighbors on NYE so we slept in. Then last Sunday I set my alarm, and he turned if off... so week 3 we made it! It was great, of course. I love our church, it is really a place for use to worship un-judged and with other Jesus Followers. So, the message was on how you share your Jesus. It was really good. They showed a video that went viral this week on you tube. (this has had very mixed reviews... so I am adding in his comments on posting the video. hopefully it doesn't offend.)
"A poem I wrote to highlight the difference between Jesus and false religion. In the scriptures Jesus received the most opposition from the most religious people of his day. At it's core Jesus' gospel and the good news of the Cross is in pure opposition to self-righteousness/self-justification. Religion is man centered, Jesus is God-centered. This poem highlights my journey to discover this truth. Religion either ends in pride or despair. Pride because you make a list and can do it and act better than everyone, or despair because you can't do your own list of rules and feel "not good enough" for God. With Jesus though you have humble confident joy because He represents you, you don't represent yourself and His sacrifice is perfect putting us in perfect standing with God!"

The main point of the message was to share Jesus. But, that together as a church we can not only share with those outside of church, but those we share worship with in church. Of course this is when I am thinking, "Ok God, I gottcha... I will be here :) These were the notes we had on who to share Jesus. I think this will be my resolution revised:

  • regularly attend Sunday celebrations (thats what we call services)
  • invite others to join you at Heartsong/ church (I do this)√
  • belong to a group (need to find a small group)
  • learning and practicing the Jesus Centered Life (I feel I do this already)√
  • reading he Bible (need to work on this one)
  • praying √
  • sharing the message when prompted
Bottom Line - Jesus is all anyone ever really needs. So, I plan on working on this in 2012 and know I will reap many benefits from it.

I actually had an opportunity to share Jesus with one of my students this week. Now I know I am not supposed to talk church at school, but she was going to a big dr. appointment to see if she would have to have surgery again in her ear (hole in the eardrum). She has had many other surgeries from other medical issues as a young child. I got an email from mom, that my student was a little scared of the outcome. So, I pulled her aside and told her that I was and had prayed for her, asking God to heal her ear without having to have surgery. She said thanks and went off to her appointment.

The next morning, she came in and said guess what? She said it had healed even with fluid still in her ear. I told her that prayer helps. Then she shared with me that one of her sister's friends had fallen earlier in the week at gymnastics and was paralyzed from the waist down. She said that the girl shared with her that everything happens for a reason and that God would use her in some other way if she could never walk again. (Cue tears... ) She said that she make a picture with everything happens for a reason, to remind her that there are people with worse things that happen, and that she would be thankful for what she has even if it isn't what she wants. Oh, if we all could have the conviction of children. But at the same time, how awesome that a 4th grader and at 7th grader have faith that big at such a young age.

I can honestly say that in 4th grade and even 7th grade. I went to church, had been confirmed and believed, but don't think I truly understood Jesus' sacrifice. But, at that moment with my student, I told her (without going into detail) that God doesn't want us to hurt, but that sometimes his plan works itself out in a way we don't understand as human beings. That I too have had my share of times when I thought this couldn't be the kind of plan God would want me to go through. But, then I realize that my mountains are mole hills compared to many others. She said you are so right. But no matter what God is there for us and will help us through it. And she gave me the tightest hug. It made my day. And I bet it made His too.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

2011 In Review, Welcome 2012!

I got the idea to do this from a blog I read often, Walk With Me By Faith. She does this every year, and I think I might start this as a yearly tradition too. So, here goes... 20 things about 2011

1. What did you do in 2011 that you had never done before?
Put my very first house up for sale, rode in a gondola at the Venetian in Vegas, taken on home renovation projects with the hubs, and last but not least... run out of gas in my own driveway (lol)

2. Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions and will you make more for next year?
I don't even remember what it was. Resolutions are too easily forgotten. This year I am looking to make LIFESTYLE CHANGES. :)

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
OMGEE - Don't lose count, but this year was truly amazing for all my friends in this department. Here goes: E & M had sweet baby Landon Matthew in Feb., A & N had baby Garner in July, C & B had baby Henleigh in Sept., E & A had baby Wels Oct., A & B had baby Benjamin in Oct. and Sweet baby MJ in August (adoption finalized in Dec.), S & B had baby Aubree in Nov., Our sweet cousins S & C had baby Grady in Nov., J & J had babies Wilson & Addison in Nov., J & C had baby Morgan Mae in Nov., and baby Sloane made her debut on Dec. 27th to LA & J. (*sorry if I forgot someone, but I am sure you can see why I might have left someone off.)

Here are baby Addison & Wilson on their first trip to Aunt Morgan's house around Thanksgiving.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No one in our families passes away this year thank goodness. But some of our close work friends lost loved ones, and Robbie's coworker passed away.

5. What places have you visited?
We saved and scraped through out 2011 to have fun in Vegas for Amberly's wedding. And we did!
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Our own baby to snuggle and spoil is really the only thing we lack to make life as close to perfect as we can get. But, we would both like to get healthy and lose some weight!

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched in your memory and why?
I wish I had some date here that was etched... maybe if I could remember things I would have something to put here haha

8. What was your biggest achievement this year?
Getting that much closer to being debt free... so close!!!

9. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Other than normal sinus/ allergy stuff... The infamous ear infection of 2011 might could have been used in #7 (lol). It was NOT GOOD!

10. What was the best thing you bought?
Probably a tie between our new stainless dishwasher and my new iPhone 4s. LOVE them both!!!

11. Where did most of your money go?
Bills and/or the little gnomes who spend most of our money haha. Who knows!

12. What song will always remind you of 2011?
God Gave You Me by Blake Shelton. I love him! But I love my hubby more and this song reminds me of him! I thank God everyday for my sweet hubs! I am not sure how he puts up with me most of the time, but he does and I love for that too!

13. What do you wish you would have done more of?
being healthier, walked, gone to church more often. I really hate to admit there were times when I should have just gotten up and gone, but didn't. (that is one of my "life changes" I spoke of earlier... Church every Sunday unless I am too sick)

14. What do you wish you would have done less of?
Eating. haha no really. I wish I would have made healthier choices when eating.

15. What was your favorite TV program?
Mike & Molly is my all time fav. But Dexter & Real House Wives of Anywhere ran a close 2nd.
16. What was the best book you read this year?
The Help. (actually the only book I made time for)Man it was the only book in a long time that I have not wanted to put down. In fact I finished it in 4 nights. I was really tired during those days, but it was so worth it!
17. What was your favorite film of the year?
Bridesmaids was the only movie I made it to see this year... It was pretty funny
18. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
I turned 32 in 2011. My "usuals," close friends, and our hubbies, and I all went to dinner at my "usual" place, Nagasaki Inn a hibachi place. Lets just say it was not the best service and 2012 we will be going somewhere else. :)I guess the older you get the less exciting your birthday becomes. Which makes me so sad.

19. What national/world event stirred you the most?
Some might say that The Royal Wedding was mist stirring, I have friends at work who actually took the day off to watch it. I guess I just wasn't into it as much as some.
But for me, it was the 9/11 Memorial. It really brought back memories and watching the memorial on tv, was moving. I would love to make a trip to NY to tour the memorial.

20. Who was the best new person you met?
Well, I have met so many wonderful ladies through blogging this year. I have written about many of them often. Love you ladies!!! I also was able to meet some of my friend from Vegas' friends while there in Oct. Of course I met 21 new students & families this year too when school started. But, I am not sure I could give any one of these wonderful people the "best" title. You are all awesome to me :)

2011 has been full of fun. I am so looking forward to 2012 being even BETTER!!!