Confessions of an IF girl... Inspired by Making God Laugh

So, I haven't posted in a while, one because I have been so busy with this, that, and the other. But I have also had major writers block. I hardly ever have nothing to say... but lately, nothing. But today catching up with blogs I read something BRILLIANT! Polka Dot at Making God Laugh (she prayed for me during prayer buddies), wrote a post today that gave me inspiration.

So, here goes! As a person bearing the cross of infertility, I have some things that I don' t talk too much about for fear that those who don't understand infertility, might give me yet another label of "coo coo for cocoa puffs." Those who can make babies like factories sometimes say things that are not meant to hurt, but lets face it they do. So, one with IF starts being guarded with emotions, feelings, and even in some cases shopping. I have learned that sometimes its just easier to stay out of conversations because of the question that always comes up, "So how many children do you have?" So to talk about the things that I have bought, thought, discussed with my husband has not come up that much in convos. But after reading Polka Dot's post today, I want to talk about it, and at least have it written so one day in the far future I can come back to it.

There are a few things that I have kept to myself, my husband, and maybe a few close friends here or there.

First of all, my husband and I have the two names we want to name our precious miracles, when God blesses us with them. Now, I have had a lot of turmoil with this because, as people lap us on kids, our names have been used multiple times. But, I have finally gotten to a place where I am ok, Robbie has always said," Who cares, we don't hang out with them that much anyway." God truly blessed me with a fabulous husband who tries to cheer me up and help me through all of these emotions. That of course is not to say that he understands it all. lol We picked the names when we had just started trying and hadn't a clue that it wasn't as easy as everyone else made it look.

A few weeks after our wedding my grandmother passed away. I got some china that she had (tea party like) in hopes to incorporate it in my little girls room... This was 1 year before we ever started trying... So some of these things are pre IF and some are post IF.

We have had some times in the past 3 years that were really low... Almost hopeless at times. I think due to those times it was hard to be around happy pregnant women and families with their children. But, luckily God has carried us through all of those times (and there still are moments... but not as many). When I wasn't completely beside myself, a very fertile friend I met through this journey sent me a sweet gift that was cupcakes made out of baby wash clothes. She had the idea that I should not stay away from baby stuff, rather start buying for our future miracle. Now at first I had a little breakdown, because I felt like she felt sorry for me, but then went through the emotional gamut, like why would she think this was what she should send me.... Needless to say, she said she did this for herself. So, I thought what the heck. But didn't buy anything right away.

In the past year and 1/2 virtually everyone but my sister and me has been pregnant and had a bambino or two. So, I have been bombarded with babies and pregnancy. It got me thinking so, I started getting some things. Actually, I started buying furniture. I found a wooden baby bassinet and bought it to paint for our bedroom when we bring home our sweet bundle. It's in storage now... But, it will be perfect one day. I even thought about using it a baby showers until for presents.

Of course being the creative and crafty person that I am have already figure out how we would tell everyone that we are preggo, and even how I will tell Robbie. I found exactly what I need for it, and have gotten all the way to the check out, but not bought it yet. But, It will be THE BEST THING EVER!!! So, I might as well just push submit and hide it until I need it. Of course with an adoption it wont be quite the same, so we could use it to tell everyone else.

At Christmas, it was a little more emotional that I anticipated. Like I said it comes up at different times... but my mom completely surprised us both with money for our adoption fund, but also a boy and girl U of Memphis onsie. It threw us for a total loop, but was so sweet. I can now put that with other baby things I have saved away in the closet.

I have a pinterest board devoted to things I like for baby. Its called One day in the future... Hopeful sounding huh. Sometimes I have to look at it in order to remember to keep hope alive. Robbie is still so much more hopeful that me at times, but as crazy as it might sound wether or not I have IF I will continue to collect things for our baby(s) and one day hopefully sooner than later, I will be posting about using the the things I have talked about, names, clothes, furniture, etc.

So, my post isn't exactly the same as my inspiration but, it is my take on her post. :)