Tuesday, December 27, 2011

100 Posts

Oh wow! I didn't even realize when I posted last that it was my 100th post. I can't believe it. When I first started this blog, I wasn't really sure if I would keep it up or not. And here we are :) I have been so blessed by all the wonderful bloggers I have met through this blog. I am blessed by all the prayers lifted up for me, and the opportunity to get to know and pray for so many wonderful women! I thank God for each and everyone one of you and your amazing encouragement!!!

God Bless and Here's to a Very Happy New Year!!!

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Merry Christmas & Prayer Buddy Reveal

I am so blessed beyond belief. We had my parents' family Christmas this afternoon and then continued our family traditions with the Christmas Eve service at our church. Can I just say how this service always humbles me and makes me feel so many different feelings wrapped up in one big package. The anticipation of Jesus' birth, the many blessings I have in my life, the many blessings in others' lives, the beautiful music, all for and given by our awesome God! It is such an overwhelming feeling. I just love it! As many have posted it is so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle and lose sight of the real reason for the season. That one little baby came so that we may all live. I am in awe of it all each year! I hope that you all have a blessed Christmas and are able to share this amazing day with your family and/ or friends!


I had the pleasure of praying this Advent cycle for All You Who Hope. I have prayed hard for you! I lurked on your blog and used it as a way of being more specific in my prayers for you and your family! Your kiddos are so cute! You are a great Mom & Wife! I first came across your blog this past summer during Grace In My Heart's post on adoption. I have loved keeping up and reading your blog. I was honored to pray for you this buddy cycle, and will continue to keep you in my prayers. I hope you were able to feel the prayers I lifted up for you! Have a very Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

I can't stand that feeling...

that feeling of your chest tightening, and throat closing up when someone announces that they are pregnant. I really thought I had moved pasted it. But, I for some reason this holiday season (starting back with the annual Christmas party I went to a few weeks back) it is really hitting me hard. I am kind of ashamed to even admit it.

Last night I had an ornament exchange at my house. There were about 15 people that were able to come. More than half of them either were pregnant or have kids. So, more than most of the convos had to do with children and you guessed it I got that feeling. To those who were there reading, please know it had nothing to do with you. I love all of your little kiddos and the ones you are going to have. :)

Today, it was FB. Either I am reading about people announcing they are pregnant or others talking about the sweet things they do with their kids. I am so JEALOUS! I am sure that watching Marley and Me, and the rain didn't help but, I was a little down in the dumps. So, I tried to fill the void by posting about me & my sweet pup, then started baking. Hopefully the sun will come out tomorrow. :) I am looking forward to this coming year, I really feel hopeful that 2012 is our year for either our own baby or one God hand picks for us! I don't even want to think about this time next year if we aren't with child one way or another. It just brings back that feeling again...

Friday, December 16, 2011

Wanted: prayer warriors!!!

Today was the end of the semester WOO HOO!!! Two weeks off. Thank you Lord!!! I am super glad to have some time off, that I need more than ever.

Which brings me to my prayer warriors:
I need as many people as possible, especially my prayer buddy, to pray for one of my sweet students! I can't really say much more than that since my blog is public, but I am devastated. I am not going to pretend that I understand, I am struggling with why God lets things like this happen to little people. So, to make me feel like I have some way to help, I would love for you to add this family onto your prayer list. This time of year is supposed to be such a happy time. I know that the parents of this sweet child are trying so hard to keep things normal and happy, but they need your prayers too. Their world has been turned upside down again. I just can't imagine!!!


Sunday, December 11, 2011

Just have to laugh... and document this moment

Today I have done something that I truly thought I would never do. I am not sure if it is from all the stress, or being tired, or just needed a vacay...

BUT, I needed to run to the store to get our Chrismas cards from Costco, and some ingredients to make a strawberry cake ( totally forgot about this order, thank GOD she text me last night about it) and my car wouldn't start. Of course this would happen when my husband has to work on a Sunday. All neighbor hubbys are gone, so Robbie told me to put the battery charger on it. Well, it wasn't making any progress. My neighbor came home and tried to jump it off, still not turning over. But the puzzling part is that all the lights work and radio, you name it works, except the engine. So, the neighbor takes me to the store around the corner I come home get the cake in the oven, and google the symptoms.

As I am reading if this, then do that... I come across a line that reads something like, check the fuel supply to the engine. And it hits me, Friday I was on empty and didn't go anywhere yesterday... OMGEEEE Could I have really run out of gas???

YEP! That was it! How do you forget something like that??? Hubby put gas in it and now we are back in business. I hope this made you laugh, cause I am still laughing about it :)

Hope this next week is less stressful and a good one!

Saturday, December 10, 2011

This Time Last Year

With the hustle and bustle of this time of year, Christmas parties, wrapping presents, etc. it is easy to get distracted. Or so I thought. I recently posted about how crazy this week has been. Well, last night started my Christmas Party going. A small group of about 10 of my sorority sisters get together every December to hang, eat, drink, and exchange gifts. It really is the best therapy and all you have to do is bring some food and a gift. LOL Talk about cheap. We also, get an angel each year so we bring all our items for the angel that night too.

So, I left work and headed home to get my mac-n-cheese in the crock pot ( Paula Dean Recipe - TO DIE FOR) and ice my cupcakes. Then I remembered that I forgot to get my dirty santa gift... could it have been the crazy week that helped with that???? So, I was a little rushed. Got everything together and headed to Target... Crazy I know. There was traffic, lots of people, but surprisingly no wait for the check out. Girls Night was only about 15 min. from commencing.

Had the address in map quest and was driving when it hit me. (Like a ton of bricks actually). Last year we were doing our iui the morning after this party. Had it actually been a year since we did iui? Then I remembered that 3 of these lovely ladies have had 4 babies since that last party, and with the week I have had... I got into a kinda bad mood. I finally found the house and got in with all my bags... I literally looked like a bag lady, gift bag, angel gifts bag, cupcake carrier ( with cupcakes turning all different directions), bag with a crock pot in it, and my purse. SERIOUSLY?!?!?

Everyone is eating drinking and being merry. I started to set my stuff out and NO LIE I dropped a whole section of my cupcake holder. 12 cupcakes fall to the floor. GREAT!!! (not the exact word I used)

I THANK GOD for these women. They helped me unwind and have fun. We laughed harder than we have in a while. We stole each other's gifts, I ended up with a cute Christmas frame and tray. We coo'd and cuddled baby Morgan Mae (yep my friend's baby is named Morgan). But as I was leaving I overheard one of the girls talking about two week wait. Not sure if she is in it, or will be at my party in two weeks, or what. But my heart sank.

On the way home, I thought about the fact that one day we will have a little bundle of joy to share with friends. But that it makes me ANGRY that when I hear someone talk about it, my first response in my head is sadness or angst. Not yay! Happy thoughts. I hate that bearing this cross sucks the air out of you and the happiness that you should be able to freely have. I have to keep faith and hope that God's reasoning is perfect and that I don't have to and am not supposed to understand.

Even if we are having our 3rd Christmas childless, I am so glad that I have friends who can make me laugh, distract me, and a God who gives me the strength and hope to know that I will have a child one day.

After all this time of year is about the most important baby of all, Jesus! Not one of my own.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Holy moly this has been a week...

AND ITS ONLY TUESDAY! Thank God tomorrow is hump day!

I haven't really posted too much since Thanksgiving because I have been sick. Apparently this fall is my sickly time of the year.

I can't remember if I already wrote this recently, but I had an ear infection last week... The kind kids have that wakes them up in the middle of the night. I did refrain from screaming bloody murder, since my hubs had to be up at 4:30am. But, my week started getting ready for a workshop that was being held about 1 1/2 hrs from me. So, last Monday I was getting ready for a sub for Tuesday and getting ready for my 2nd evaluation. I was kind of having allergy (or so I thought) issues because he had gotten the Christmas stuff down from the attic over the weekend. So, I just took benadryl. Well over night last Monday we were getting some snow... Lets just say where I live if they mention that 4 letter words around here people and the KIDS, ok maybe the teachers too get a little squirrel-ie. So, In the rain(not snow) I headed to Jackson. When I woke up Wednesday, I kind of felt like there was cotton in my ear, but thought it was just sinus junk. Well at 12:14 that night I woke up to a stabbing feeling in my hear. So, when I made it to the dr. he said wow your good hear looks pretty bad, "Oh Gosh!" was what he said when looking at the one that hurt. So, I missed school 1/2 day Thursday and all day Friday.

In case you have been hiding under a rock, Christmas break is in two weeks. So, Monday I was back and trying to get my class back in gear after me missing 2 and 1/2 days last week. Well they are buck wild because they are excited about Christmas. I really can't blame them, but Lord have mercy, I have my evaluation and can't predict how they are going to act. So, last night I stayed up til about 12:15 getting ready. Woke up really early (for me) and got to work at 7:15. I had 45 mins til a meeting or so I thought. Surprise you have a student teacher meeting at 7:30. So, I went from one meeting to the next, to 8:45 and kiddos coming laughing & talking. Oh and today is my no break day. I talked to the kiddos, prepped them for our visitor, and PRAYED!!! Well, my lesson was a good one, but went a little too long, I had one who sweet friend who completely came unglued, and when my 45 mins was up, She just smiled and said we'll talk...

For those non teacher out there, teacher are under A LOT more pressure these days than in the past. Being a type A personality in most aspects, all I can focus on is what didn't go great... But I am super happy it is over and am moving on... A week and 1/2 and we will be on Christmas break.

Prayers the man who saw our house today wants to buy it... He was here longer than anyone to date, but we will see. I think our house is even cuter with our Christmas tree and mantel all decorated. :) For your viewing pleasure, since you read to the bottom of this long play by play haha.





Saturday, December 3, 2011

Love from the Oven

OMG you need to check out this blog if you haven't already! There is always something yummy or neat in every post! In this post there are free Christmas printables and cute ideas about making push-up pop cupcakes.

I am so looking into to doing this for my kiddos on the last day before Christmas Break! So cute! Don't you think? Click on the picture and it will take you to the post about how to make these cute yummy treats! (picture captured from Love from The Oven)


The really cool thing is that she has givaways each day during the 12 Days of Holiday Baking and all you have to do is comment, like a few things on FB or Twitter or both and tell her you did on the blog post and you are entered to win! So I highly recommend checking this out!

Friday, December 2, 2011

Don't worry I won't act like Taylor Swift...

The Liebster Award spotlights up and coming bloggers with fewer than 200 followers. Liebster is a German word which means "dearest" or "beloved." It is also used to refer to as some one's "favorite" and the idea of the LiebsterBlog Award is to bring attention to blogs which, in addition to having less than 200 followers, are also some of your favorite reads that you think are deserving of more recognition and encouragement. So, this award is to share with those blogs that you love to love... you know... the ones that you can't wait to see a new post from because some how, some way, the blogger seems to always put words to things in a way that touch you deeply...or make you laugh hysterically...or realize that you're not alone in whatever you're going through, be it good, bad or otherwise. There are certain rules that are to be followed:

  • Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you.
  • Reveal your top five picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.
  • Copy and paste the award on your blog.
  • Hope that the people you've sent the award to forward it to their five favorite bloggers and keep it going!

First I would like to thank Kelli for picking me as one of her top 5 blogs!!! That made my day!!! Especially since I have been down for the count with a terrible ear infection. Yep thats right you can get them as an adult, and my Dr. said my ear looked like a child's ear infection.... I digress. Kelli and I go way back. She and I were actually in the same homeroom through out high school! It wasn't until I started blogging that she and I reconnected. And wouldn't you know she totally understood me and my IF stigma. She too had to deal with this, but welcomed her little miracle into the world a little over a year ago. So she has been a source of encouragement and hope for me along this journey! Thank You Thank You Thank You Kelli!!!

Now the hard part to pick my top 5 blogs, well I have realized a few of my top 5 have already gotten this award. So, I am going to list my top who haven't post about the award and then the ones who have. :) That way it can hopefully it keep going. :)

First and foremost, Allie's blog - If it weren't for Allie, I wouldn't have stumbled upon such a wonderful supporting and encouraging group of friends! She encouraged me to read some of the blogs she followed and to start my own. I thought it was a great idea so that I would have a chronicle of our journey. It was so refreshing to see that I wasn't the only one going through this and that there were women out there that understood what I was thinking, feeling, and enduring! Even though we know each other personally I love reading her blog and seeing those sweet little miracles she and her hubby have welcomed into the world this year! Thanks Allie!!!

Next is L(IF)e with a capital IF - Her blog is one of my favorites to read. She and her sweet hubby have endured some trials trying to welcome a sweet miracle into the world. And Guess what?!?!?! She is 25 weeks as we speak! Trying to figure out and agree on baby names :) So happy for them! Thank you for reading my blog and allowing me to read yours :)

There is no place like Memphis for this Mamma - I love reading her blog!!! She always have something interesting to blog about! I enjoy her challenges. I also know her personally, but learn so many new things about her through her blog! She is super trendy, has great taste, and is so fun to read! Thanks LA

All In His Perfect Timing - I had the pleasure of praying for her during the last prayer buddies! She is an amazing woman and will be an amazing Mom! I enjoyed getting to know her and her husband through her blog and am honored to continue prayers for them as they wait to hear about possible adoptions. She is encouraging and hopeful which we all could use a little dose of here and there! She has already been awarded the award, but she is one of my top 5 blogs! :)

Patiently Waiting Kinda - I found her from Life with a Capital IF's blog roll a while back. she had a quote posted that I stole and put to the side of my blog. As I read her story, I was drawn to read her blog more and more. In fact she helped me kick start my more structured prayer time. She was starting a novena this summer and I contacted her to join in. It was a blessing! Life got a little easier. It was wonderful. I was more focused on my prayers and could see the benefits of it! She also is a wealth of knowledge on the adoption process as she is currently, like Perfect timing, in the process of waiting on birth mothers and possible adoptions. She has also previously been awarded the award, but I read her blog often!

Oh and the title comes from the fact that I am tired of Taylor Swift acting so dumb when she wins an award... "OMG I can't believe this blah blah blah..." She gets on my nerves... sorry if that offends lol

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Giving Thanks




This Thanksgiving, I am THANKFUL for all that God has given me! Highs, lows and all! I am thankful that my God has great things in store for our family. I am thankful for my family and friends, as they encourage me and love me no matter what. I am thankful for the blogging community, without it, I might have gone crazy already. And at the end of each day, I have so many more blessings than I can even document. :) Thank you Lord for all you have given me!


HAPPY THANKSGIVING FRIENDS!










Monday, November 21, 2011

Over due...

with a post, that is.

I have been crazy busy with life lately. I have really tried to sit down and post, but just had time to catch up on everyone else's posts. Sinus infections, strep throat bouncing around in my classroom and me, my best friend having her twins 5 weeks early and having to leave them at the hospital (both are finally home safe and sound as of Friday PRAISE GOD!), and so on and so forth...

This past weekend we got our pictures taken for the adoption profile... We had a lot of fun. The only problem was that her camera in all its glory doesn't have a thinning feature lol.

I sent our photographer information about us, why we were taking the pictures, and a sample adoption profile I found on an awesome site ( but too expensive for us). She was so great trying to make sure she captured us naturally, our likes, and not too posed. I was super surprised when she posted on my fb tonight that she was almost done with the editing... Super fast turn around time.

Now I have to warn you, if you have ever seen Mike and Molly on CBS on Monday nights, don't get us confused with them... We favor pretty heavily... All except we don't live with our parents and Robbie isn't a cop. lol Here are a few of pics from the sneak peek. Once I get the disc I will be able to up load a few more for your viewing pleasure. :)

My favorite of the sneak peek!


Us being silly... outside our favorite triple A baseball stadium


My second Favorite pic


We have so much fun together!
Not that this is my fav... but it does capture us!


Friday, November 4, 2011

The best way to spread Christmas Cheer, is singing loud for all to hear!!!

Click on the image above to join in a blogger Christmas ornament exchange. Actually you don't have to be a blogger. The you can forward the link to anyone. I am excited to see what kind of ornament I get and can't wait to go shopping for my ornament to exchange!
Would you like to participate too?!
Click above and fill out the form by November 14th. That is the last day they are accepting entries for the Christmas Ornament Exchange. You will recieve your partners information on Wednesday, November 16th and by Wednesday, November 30th all packages should be mailed. There is a $10 limit. It's that easy!!

The following lovely ladies are hosting this Christmas fun!
And, you can visit the hostesses here:

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Just put it on my tab...

Have any of you seen that move Dan in Real Life? It seems as though all crazy negative things happen to him after his wife passes away. Then he falls in love with a girl that just so happens to be his brother's girlfriend... The movie is really pretty funny. I love Steve Carell. Well, it this past week has been like that. Like I had messes up the balance of life or something. My computer semi-crashed, the adoption thing fell through, our for sale sign broke, you name it it went south fast and furious. But, things are looking up.




I am going to take the attitude of just keep putting it on my tab cause I am not going to let it keep me down! I have a sweet lady from the church I grew up in is going to call me tomorrow night to talk about adopting from an agency that is run by our church denomination her in town. She actually adopted both of her sons from this agency and is willing to talk to me about it. So, that is great!

I am also weighing the option of gastric bypass... in the thought that we might be able to have our own little one one day. School is getting better, not quite as stressed out. My friend is having her baby girl tomorrow morning. I am excited about that. Can't wait to meet little Aubree Mae. I have made her the cutest sign for her hospital door. I will post a pic later after I get it to her.

So, heres to a better week than the last! :)

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Well the verdict is in...

Ok, so I have had one of the hardest weeks this week. First of all, I came back to work after having an entire week off from school for Fall Break, only to be very sick the whole week. I kind of need a break from my break. So anyway, this week is Red Ribbon Week... ie. CRAZY WEEK. Each day the kids have had to dress up differently. Monday was wear red, Tuesday Put a Cap on Drugs- wear a hat (crazy hat), Wednesday Drugs are Tacky (tacky clothes), Today was Team up against Drugs (team Jersey day - GO CARDS!), and get this tomorrow is Rock Star day... Which I find really ironic since most rock stars do drugs. Anyway, this means big headache and stressFUL week.

So at times this week the thoughts on my mind were, where can I go and hide, or Hmmmm, what job can I go to that is not so stressful. These thoughts are really troubling to me. All these years I have known this is what I was born to do. But this week, I am not so sure that I want to do this for the rest of my life.

Anyway, the real reason for this post is to talk about this possible baby boy. Well, I know now that this is not our baby. Finally, my friend decided to share what the nurse had sent her. ( I mean apparently it wasn't thought to be important info... since I had to pry it out of her. Which side bar: this has been a learning experience, keep the people involved to a minimum) Apparently, the expecting mom is thinking she wants to keep the baby now that the nurse isn't going to adopt him. But, if she changes her mind, she wants it to be an open adoption. This might be the right fit for some, but we are not sure that is the route we want to go. So, we are on to interviewing adoption agencies and lawyers and getting this show on the road.

Thank you all for all of your prayers!



Friday, October 21, 2011

It's a Boy!

I want to be excited when saying those words, but the story is a little weird. See the nurse, that is our contact wanted to adopt the baby if it was a girl, is very upset. I completely understand, she wanted it to be a girl so she could adopt. I totally get that. But, her text to my friend was, "I can't talk about it now." This is a very important point in the other three couples lives and she doesn't want to talk about it...

So, with an thankful heart, THANKYOU all for your thoughts and prayers! Please continue to pray that now that we know it is a boy, that maybe just maybe it is supposed to be our boy!

Also please include the nurse in your prayers as she needs strength to move past this. As well as the birthmother for the courage to stay pregnant and help her make the very important decision she will have once she meets with the all the couples.

In other boy news my hubs and I are super excited for our sweet friends who brought a beautiful baby boy into the world this morning! Now their little family of three is a family of four! Baby girl is now a big sister! So happy for them!

Disclaimer: my laptop is on the blink so this is from my phone who is also acting crazy... So hopefully this make some kind of sense. Sorry for typos.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Not there just yet...

No news is good news right??? Or so they say.

Since our prospective BM is getting her prenatal visits free, her appointment at 3 today got moved back. The Dr. was backed up today, so HOPEFULLY tomorrow she will have her gender scan. HOPEFULLY it is a sweet baby boy. And HOPEFULLY the BM chooses us. Will update as soon as I hear either way. Thank you all for all of your prayers!!!

Monday, October 17, 2011

Adoption Profiles, Birthmother Letters, Websites Oh My!!! HELP WANTED!!!

Ok, I know that I am probably putting the cart before the horse, but I am on fall break this week and am thinking this would be a good time to get on the ball with the profile and birthmother letter...
CAN WE SAY OVERWHELMING?!?!?!?!

So this is where I am enlisting your help... Did you do it yourself? Use a designer? How much did it cost you? I was just looking at a few sites and am thinking there is no way we can afford the designers... $800 for something I can do on Shutterfly or Pages??? Then of course I am thinking your are paying for the less stressful route. But, we can't afford almost $1000 bucks.... The profiles I really liked were on a site that didn't list the prices... You know they must be very expensive. So, tomorrow, I might be peeling myself off of the floor when the lady emails me back.

Now this is where my flaws come in... I am a perfectionist with certain things... this being one. I also obsess about decision making...again not the best quality when making, what I know and read on a site, is the MOST IMPORTANT thing about adoption. This is going to be my new obsession... Going to have to drop caking making like its hot!

So I know some of you have previously posted about these things, so please give me your advice. I read a good article about what pictures to use and which ones not to use. Makes lots of sense. I almost feel like we need to go have some pictures made of us... we haven't been out there in pics in a while. Last Christmas was the last time we really took more than a few pictures together.

I will be checking this for comments (probably obsessively)... That might help occupy my mind, since we have 2 more days to wait until we find out if this little miracle is a boy or girl, and if we will have the opportunity to interview with the BM or not.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Hopeful Heart

While away this weekend I made the comment man, it would be nice if we could win the money to pay for an adoption... I guess that is when God said NO! We didn't win any money during the trip, but one of my besties was there with me,(to do all of our hair for the wedding) so it was a little easier losing.

When I made the comment, I wont lie we had been drinking a little Fat Tuesdays, she said," well I wasn't going to tell you this, but..." I was immediately in tears...

See in her business she has lots of customers, and connections. Earlier in the week a customer came in and was telling her how at work she had been talking with a patient (she is a nurse practitioner). She talked this girl out of having an abortion and helped her quit smoking. I was like wow that is awesome. She continued telling me, that the girl had a 1 year old and wasn't able to keep this one. (TEARS... then and now thinking about it) She said that the girl was going to put the child up for adoption and that she told the nurse about us and our troubles. She said " please keep my friends in mind for this and/or any others, they want a baby desperately." Side bar, my friend is a true friend, my heart explodes at the thought that she would even care enough to tell the woman we need to be in line for this precious miracle. She wants this for us about as badly as we want it for ourselves.

The nurse told her that the only catch was that if the baby is a girl, she and her husband want to adopt the baby. They have 3 boys at home and want a little girl. But, if it is a boy, we are now in the mix with 2 other couples to maybe get to interview with the birth mom. I am trying not to get too wrapped up in this, but am praying so hard that it is a boy, and that we get a chance to meet this birth mom and show her how much we will love her baby. I have contacted 2 lawyers today to inquire about the process we will go through now or in the future and am waiting to hear back from them both.

I pray that if this child is not a girl or is a boy but we are not the right parents that he or she will be loved and taken care of! Of course I also pray that he is our baby we have been praying for. So, now the waiting game goes... the big day is next wednesday the 19th. So please pray that this is either the next stepping stone in our journey to adoption or the start of our parents -to-be hood.

Either way, For this child, I have prayed!

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Viva Las Vegas

I have been a little out of the blogger loop for few days. I made the trek out to Vegas for my friend Amberly's wedding. It was my first time to Vegas, and I am pretty sure it might be the last. OMG can we say EXPENSIVE!!! We stayed at Planet Hollywood and got in A LOT of walking in. The strip is definitely cool, but there are so weirdos out there! I guess I know why they call it Sin City, when you walk outside the hotel there are men and sometimes women handing you cards or flyers with nude women on them. I was like... seriously!?!?

But the wedding was beautiful! She looked amazing, the weather was perfect! One thing I would have liked to burned was my shoes that didn't fit properly, but it was a great time!

I have some super cool news, but am EXHAUSTED right now so I just wanted to update with a couple pics and videos and let you know I was still alive!

















Sunday, October 2, 2011

Constant Craving

Nothing like some K.D. Lang and Depeche Mode to help ya worship the Lord on Sunday morning! Thats how we roll at Heartsong. Today the worship band sang two songs that I never really thought you would hear in church, but also that I really hadn't thought about being "churchy." We also sang one of my fav's... Jesus Paid It All.

But, back to Depeche Mode, why had I not actually thought about Jesus when singing the song Personal Jesus??? I mean really if you listen to the lyrics, you will see that it could totally be a message, about not forgetting that Jesus is in control, and when you need him he is there.

We have one of the best worship bands hands down, during the offering today Maggie Lee sang K.D. Lang's Constant craving. I really had never thought about God when this song was a hit so many years ago. Yet again listening to the lyrics... It fits, what we do as Jesus Followers, we crave Jesus. We have to remember, or be reminded that Jesus is a necessity in life. We can't, well I can't make it day to day without Jesus! He paid the ultimate price for my (our) sins and we have to make sure we let him in and constantly seek him. In doing that we can truly seek out the song he has planted in our hearts to sing. AKA Find our Heartsong. Which is our current message series and growth groups.

Today was the start of our growth groups small groups. I think this is going to be a great group. There are 9 of us and we all have different backgrounds and ages. One of our first things to talk about was a time line of our lives, ups and downs, highs and lows throughout our lives that could have lead to where we are today spiritually. It is also to help us see if there are certain places in our lives we might have seen as times that were one way, but maybe they were gifts from God for later in life. (does that make sense?) Anyway, OMG I am such a cry baby! I can't help but cry when I hear some of the time lines at my table as we are sharing. But, the part where God intervened is when the man sitting next to me started telling us about the fact that their girls were all grown up and married when they moved to Memphis, and they were kind of starting over, when they got a call from an adoption agency.... They ended up adopted 3 babies, the youngest is now 15. Man I LOST IT! Ok, God I hear you loud and clear!

Over fall break I am going to actively investigate our best option to start this process. I had originally thought we would start this process once school settled down, then I thought maybe we should wait til the house sells, but I am feeling the nudge that its not in my time, we should start this now.

I hear the Savior say
Thy strength indeed is small
Child of weakness watch and pray
Find in me thine all in all


Friday, September 30, 2011

Prayer Buddy Reveal :)

I had the honor of praying for All in His Perfect Timing. This was my first time doing the prayer buddies in the blogging community. But, can I just tell you it has really been a rewarding experience!!!! It was great to get to know someone new through her blog while praying for her without her even knowing it. I prayed for her daily... Found myself thinking, "I wonder if she is feeling these prayers?" I could sure my prayer buddy's. Actually hers too. I had actually come across her blog right before prayer buddies were set up.

Throughout the past couple of months, I feel my faith has grown with leaps and bounds. I first started a prayer novena "ish" with Patiently Waiting, which helped me really prepare for the prayer buddies. I had the opportunity to really focus my prayer, and made it more of a priority... Not that it wasn't before, but I had never really set aside a certain time a day to focus all my energy to pray without distraction.

Today I received an email from my prayer buddy, Polkadot at Making God Laugh! I honestly was checking my email like a kid waits for Santa or the tooth fairy. I was so excited to find out who had been praying for me. Her email made me smile. Not being Catholic, some things many of the bloggers are used to are totally new to me. She told me that she lit a candle in a cathedral for my prayer intentions. That is so awesome! The fact that there is a physical light shining somewhere for me and my intentions... (I actually teared up reading that) I am in awe of this blog community. I have learned so much and continue to do so.

Thanks Polkdot for all of the prayers I sure felt them!

All in His Perfect Timing, I hope you felt my prayers. I will continue to pray for you and your husband, and hopefully soon both all of our miracles will be revealed to us! God Bless us all!

Thank you so much JBTC and Mrs. Henderson for working out all of the logistics for the prayer buddies!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Torn

Ok I really need some prayers here... I have been praying so hard about this house!!!! I am so worried that we are missing the right buyer!!! Haven't shown it in weeks and in three days get two showings... Yay for prayers!!! But... We can't show it cause of the dishwasher debacle. I just need some extra prayers that this is ok and God is in control! I know this but my mind keeps playing what ifs and it's tearing me up. I just don't want all of our(yours included) prayers for this house to be in vain due to a human error. Does this make any sense? I'm kinda starting to question this like I questioned the whole infertility thing. I'm hoping it's all just because I'm so worn out and still not feeling 100%. So I guess you could pray for my sinuses too. I came home from work today and slept from about 5 ish til about 9:45, the dull headache is so annoying. I feel like Oscar the grouch... Ok in going to stop complaining now. Sorry to rant.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Can a girl catch a break????? Just askin'

I have had one of those week/weekends where I just want to throw my hands in the air and wave a white flag! I surrender!

First, I have to go back to Sunday a week ago. Let me preface with this... With our house on the market the last thing we want to do is put anymore moo la into it. Well last weekend we got to talking about the fact that our top rack in the dishwasher wasn't working well. Our glasses always ended up coming out dirtier ( if that is even possible) than when we put them in there. So, call me lazy, I just kept leaving them in thinking surely they would get clean eventually... UM NO! So in all the electricity and water we were wasting (please don't send the green police) we decided we should just bite the bullet and buy a new one. So, we went to Lowe's close to our parents house first because we had been out there visiting. The man there was like oh you don't
want that one. Its loud and cheap. I was like that is exactly what we want... it looks nice (stainless steel and all) and isn't so nice that we would want to take it with us when we leave. lol Well he didn't want to worry with it apparently telling me that it would take 2 weeks to come in if we ordered it. But, that they stock depending on the zip codes. And in this zip code they only stock the stores with high end appliances. Blah Blah Blah. I was irritated and said fine. 3 hours later and 6 more stores we are Lowe's right by our house and low an behold they have 2 of them... And guess what???? They also have 2 of them at the first store we were at. I wanted to go all the way back just to let that first guy have a piece of my mind... But I didn't. I contained myself. I mean I was a happy girl. I got the dishwasher I wanted for a low low price. Here she is...

Well, I love love love my husband, but he is no Mr. Fix-it, more like Mr. Break-It. But, this time he said how hard can this be... Famous last words. 3 hours later and another trip back to Lowe's for a new water line hose. We were finally washing dishes ( at bedtime I might add). I didn't care though I had my new dishwasher and it was cleaning the top rack.

This week was a long short week. We had parent teacher conferences on Thursday. Tuesday I came home and was so worn out I went to bed around 6 and didn't get up until 7 on Wed. morning. Thursday was a district learning day, which meant we were in meetings ALL DAY. Friday night my throat started hurting, but I thought maybe its just sinus stuff. Sat. I woke up early and had what felt like a porcupine in my throat.... It hurt bad enough I had my hubs get a flash light so I could look at my throat. Being a teacher I am a pro at identifying strep throat. And of course I saw white. Great! I had a wedding and a baby shower for our sweet friends Allie's Pursuit of Motherhood. I had a friend call in some meds so I wouldn't have to spend $50 at the minor med.

Well, this should have been clue number 2 that this weekend was going down hill fast... Went to pick it up and they said... nope don't have it. So I came home and waited then called to check. Still didn't' have it. So, I text the Dr. back and he had called it in earlier. When I sent the hubs to check again, miraculously it was there and had been all along. SERIOUSLY?!?!
I went into our extra bedroom to get a bag for the cute little onesie for the shower.... and wet!!! I thought and screamed ZEKE!! Thinking he had gone to the bathroom, but then I moved back and it was still wet. The closet and part of the room was completely soaked. Enter almost complete meltdown.

Long story short, the hose I went back to buy at Lowe's was not tightened as it should and each time we washed dishes, the water seeped into the bedroom behind the kitchen. So, we have spent all day ripping out padding, sucking out water, and trying desperately to dry the slab and carpet. Oh and after not showing the house for a few weeks... They called today wanting to show it. Really?!?!?!

As I drove to my mother in laws to get another fan and a carpet cleaner, I thought...God, why are you testing us like this? Can we please have a little reprieve here? Prayer buddy and readers we could use a little prayer help here, for strength, patience, and no mold in our carpet. Oh and that I don't question God on trivial things like this too. :) Hope everyone has a fabulous week!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Thankful Thursday

borrowed the idea for this post from Patiently Waiting Kinda. ( I kinda stole some of hers too)

Things I am Thankful For (in not certain order):
  • My wonderful life. I know and try to remind myself, I really have it pretty good. It could be worse.
  • My fabulous family. I really couldn't live without them. They are there for me whenever I need them and love me unconditionally.
  • My sweet class. They really are a great class. They might work my nerves, but I am so thankful they keep me on my toes.
  • That parent conferences are over! Today was a very long day (conferences before and after school).
  • For all of my blogger friends and prayer buddy! If it weren't for you all I know I would not have anyone to share my journey with, who has some kinda idea what I am talking about. You have helped me strengthen my faith and given me hope! (all the announcements recently! YAY!!!)
  • My faith in God! If it weren't for that I am sure that I would not have made it this far.
  • SLEEP!!! I got a lot of it on Tuesday and am ready to hit the sack now! Its probably unnatural how much sleep I need or like to get.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Perspective...

I have a mentioned one of my sweet little 4th graders in the past... who really puts life in perspective. He is such a joy to teach! Well today he came to class super excited that his mom finally found the link below. We were able to watch this in class and he was so proud as were the rest of the class, his assistant, my student teacher, and myself. Of course I cried... He has made so much progress... It is amazing how this miracle is playing out. His family is so precious! When I shared it with the hubs he got goose bumps listening to the story. So, I wanted to share this sweet story with my readers :)


JSU's Biggest Fan: Justin Goins

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Do you remember?

Well of course we all do. The day in most of our lives that will be etched in our brains as the saddest day in the history of the US and our lives. Some have added it to the day President Kennedy was assasinated, I of course was not alive when that sad event happened.

I was in my dorm room in Smith Hall at the U of Memphis, waking up to get ready to go to class, or to the hospital to visit my mom. I woke up, and turned the TV on and was confused as to what I saw. Every channel had breaking news of a terrible accident at the World Trade Center in NY. As I was watching this I picked up the phone to call my dad. My mother had been having a lot of trouble over the past few months and they finally figured out it was her heart. She had been moved to Methodist Central to have heart surgery. That was terrifying enough, but waking up to see the horrible plane crash (es) was super scary. As my dad answered the phone, the second plane crashed into the second tower. I remember crying and asking dad what was going on, who would do this, and then please tell me mom is ok. When I knew my mom was ok, I got of the phone with dad, and sat in my bottom bunk for most of the rest of the day. I didn't go to my morning classes. The afternoon class I went to because I had a professor who really didn't like me and would not excuse my absence for any reason. We all just sat there in shock and were completely silent most of the time.

I remember outside was very eerie no normal sounds. Memphis is a hub for Fed Ex so all air travel has stopped. Then reports that they were worried that memphis might be targeted next due to the fact that it was such a transportation hub. Life for the next few days was so different.

But, when I think about it, life was not changed for me really... This didn't happen to me at all. I pray for all those families, all of those people who lost their lives because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, people who lost their lives for being at work or flying that day, people who lost their lives trying to save others. I will never forget this day as long as I live, but most of all I will not forget those heros and innocent people who lost their lives for this country that day. And because of this event... I will not forget those who have and are continuing to fight for our freedom each and every day.


Wednesday, September 7, 2011

My Loves List

I have a few of my favorite things that are inspiring this post. :)

  • Fall - I LOVE FALL!!! And even though I am sure it isn't truly here yet, the weather is giving me a taste of it and I am in LOVE!!!
  • Pumpkin Spice Lattes!!! Starbucks made my week by bring my all time favorite drink of their's back!
  • Pedicures!!! I love having my feet pampered and this week I get to visit with my old neighbor while doing it! She used to do my pedis every two weeks back when I was younger and had more money to blow (lol)
  • The smell of Gain original!!! I love it so much that not only my clothes smell like it, my fabric, air, and dish water smell like it to, thanks to Febreeze! I mean its almost like, well actually it might be an addiction :)

  • My Mobi interactive slate!!! It makes teaching so much easier and more exciting for my sutdents! I love love love it!
  • Prayer is so important! I couldn't resist this pic when looking for images of my favorite things. How stinking cute is the kiddo praying but the dog... priceless! Lately prayer has become something I have really been working on and I am seeing the prayers be answered and that is reassuring!
I could go on and on but I will leave you with one last favorite... Those of you who know me, know this is my weakness... there is something about a McDonald's Coke!!!




Friday, August 26, 2011

The Power of Prayer

As the third week of school comes to an end, I am reminded that God makes so many things possible if you open your heart to him and ask for his help (And no I am not talking about getting Internet back).

I guess my whole outlook on life in general has been evolving over the past year. I know that our journey has helped and hindered the growth at different points. I fought so hard to give up the battle and in the end, I have realized that it is SO MUCH easier now that I have.

A sweet friend at work this week, stopped and told me how pretty I have looked since school started, that she thought maybe I had lost weight. Of course then she was like not that you haven't looked pretty in the past lol. But it got me to thinking, you know last school year my mind was in such a fog with the failed attempts with fertility drugs, which in turn sent me into a nose dive. I gained weight, was probably depressed, wasn't too happy really. I was just trying to keep my head above water.

I think my positive changes started around Lent. Now, not being Catholic, I didn't have to give anything up, but I always try to see if I can do it. I mean after all, Jesus gave his life for me, can't I give him 40 days of something? I always struggle with what to give up, so this year I chose to give back in a sense and give up for myself. I decided I would focus my prayer on all those trying to have a baby or who were pregnant to have good pregnancy and healthy babies in the end. Apparently, I should have included myself in this prayer. Before Lent was over everyone I knew was pregnant. Now I know it wasn't just from my prayer, but I know it helped. In fact it totally helped me give up the obsessive thoughts and such about being pregnant and/or having a baby. Yes the desire was still there, but it didn't consume my life.

I think I started being happier. I didn't have pregnancy envy to bad to start with, but I definitely didn't have it anymore. I started feeling truly alright with the fact that we weren't the next to announce we were pregnant.

I want to point out the major factor here is that prayer helped me to be a happier person, as well as give me the strength to move on ( I guess that is the word for it). I stared focusing on prayer even more when Patiently Waiting Kinda posted about a Novena. Now being Methodist, I didn't know much about it, but when I read her post on it, something said hey google this and see if it something you can do with her. So, I did. I have been doing my own kind of Novena. It really has helped me focus my mind on prayer for needs and prayers of thanksgiving. I think sometimes as a human we forget to thank him for all the things he has given us. It also made me set aside a time to pray. In the past it was so sporadic and really just like in the car driving or when things came to mind.

During this time of praying for needs I prayed for my sweet friend and realtor, who was diagnosed with uterine cancer a few weeks after we listed our house. She has just gone back to work, had surgery and they got it all and she didn't even have to have chemo or radiation. I prayed for our friends with a baby in the way and an adoptive baby on the way. Their sweet MJ was born at 32 weeks this past weekend. She is absolutely precious and seems to be holding her own. Of course I prayed for our journey down the road to adoption, and selling our house and finding a new one. I could go on and on and on, but the point is that through my focused prayer I have seen prayers be answered. And even if they aren't for me, it is reassuring.

Now back to school, I have the sweetest little friends in my class this year. One in particular has suffered a traumatic brain injury this past spring (noncancerous brain tumor). He is a little fire cracker! I know that God hand picked him for my class. He never ceases to amaze me daily. He is so determined and doesn't give up. He wants his independence back and he just makes me smile everyday. He is so vivacious and caring. I just hope and pray that we will have a kiddo like him someday. But his journey humbles me. To go through what he has gone through at 9 years old is amazing. I have to say, if you ever need perspective, go into an elementary school classroom for a day. My kids really help me see, that there is so much more to life than the things we tend to worry about. So what if you don't have the best everything... it's not about the material things. Its about the difference you make in someone's day, week, life.

So when it is all said and done, prayer has gotten me through my life thus far, but when I needed Him most/ recently, He has transformed my life and now I am free. I don't want to go back to the life I had before! Every day I try to be more and more like Him.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Error: You aren't connected...

We are currently without internet at home and so I am currently "unavailable" to blog. :( So, every night I go home and open my laptop and I get the "you are currently not connected to the internet" message before I remember DUH! You don't have internet right now.
So, short and sweet style...

I am praying for my prayer buddy!!! I hope mine is praying for me too :) if you are reading this you can totally add internet to my list haha. No really, I hope the prayer buddies are getting as much out of this as I am! Every time I think oh I need prayers, I smile and think of my buddy praying for me. I can feel the prayers!

I am hoping we will have the internet back up and going SOON! I am lost without blog updates and internet. I know I can use my phone but these 32 yr old eyes just can't do it for long before I feel cross eyed! So, I haven't dropped off the face of the Earth... Just in a holding pattern for internet to get fixed.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Calm after the storm

Well I wish I was talking about all the rain that we were supposed to have last week... but I am not cause we didn't get much at all. (thinking I should have gone into weather predicting though, because apparently you really don't have to know what you are talking about)

Last week was the start to my 10th year teaching... Yes I started teaching when I was 10.. lol (that so sounds like something my mom would say lol) I was super excited about the start of this new year, had FABULOUS feelings that this was going to be the best year yet. Well, the beginning of the week was a tad bit tough. Probably the lack of sleep, more work than used to since I didn't do much this summer, or maybe just trying to get into the swing of things. I was actually in tears on Wednesday and Thursday.

But after all the drama I call back to school funk, I received 2 emails, 1 from a teacher and 1 from my boss thanking me for including one of my sweeties and letting me know they appreciated my positive attitude towards the student and that I have really made a difference in the student's life already, etc... I of course was right back to the bawling. Which leads me to this post.

One of my husband's aunts posted this on face.book earlier today.
Salary of House/Senate .......................$174,00​0 FOR LIFE
Salary of Speaker of the House ............$223,500 FOR LIFE
Salary of Majority/Minority Leaders ...... $193,400 FOR LIFE
Average Salary of a teacher ................ $40,065
Average Salary of Soldier DEPLOYED IN AFGHANISTAN $38,000
I think we found where the cuts should be made! If you agree... RE-Post.

Now, I am in no way shape or form trying to say that teaching is remotely the same as fighting for our country in Iraq or Afghanistan, but it does have some similarities. I think that both are not paid for the amount of work and expertise they both entail. There are always people who want to talk negatively about both... and some positives too, but you don't hear about them as much. But on a topic I know well, I really think that teachers are truly responsible for where everyone goes in life, whether it be Walmart, McDonalds, a law firm, the white house, or even the military. We have a job that should be held with high respect, expectations, and responsibility. I take this responsibility so very seriously. We got our test scores back and had them to review mid week. Well lets just say they momentarily deflated my FABULOUS out look on this school year. "The Test & scores" have become more about the teacher's abilities than what the students have learned. See, no matter how hard you teach, its not you taking that test. There are so many variables. Now, this is not to say my scores were bad, they just weren't what I thought they would be, and because I take my job so seriously, it upset me... A lot actually. I started doubting my teaching. Thinking maybe I was too focused on baby Robbins (of which were all fruitless efforts), or maybe I made too many cakes, or maybe I made some the kiddos nervous. I am a terrible test taker, so I know how important it is to not be stressed. That was darkness trying to set in. And I wont lie, there for about 24 hours, I let it.

So anyway, I am probably preaching to the choir, but teachers have the weight of the world on their shoulders and this week that weight was a little too much for me. Then God saw that it was too much and inserted those sweet kind words to lift me up and let me know that I am making a difference. It isn't just about academics. Its how you make kids feel about themselves, its the fact that you make them feel safe, its about the confidence you give them (even when yours is not 100%), its about making learning fun so they want to do it, its the love for your job no matter how hard or how many GLEs, SPIs, & check for understandings there are to teach in 180 short days (for those non teaching readers GLE - grade level expectations and SPI state performance indicators - the standards we must hit that are tested on state test). I am going to remember these things to help calm me down the next time I wig out about the pressures of teaching. I was born to be a teacher, this is the gift God gave me, and my gift to Him is to do my best and make a difference.

disclaimer - if there are parts that don't make sense, I was watching the Cardinals game and kind of was in an out... I can't fault my kiddos for not staying focused... I can't do it either lol

Sunday, August 7, 2011

birthdays as you get older...

Ok, I totally expect that my birthdays will be the same as always no matter what age and this year is proving this idea WRONG!!!!

I know as you get older your birthdays really aren't that important anymore. Well being a teacher it really puts a cramp in partying it up, when you celebrate a birthday the day before the school year starts... so Saturday seems like the best option. I love love love Hibachi food. So we have always gone to a local joint, Nagasaki Inn her in Memphis. It has always been great, and I have told everyone they want to go there.... Well until this year.

Aside from feeling older, still no children, part of my Birthday party pregnant, I was going to live it up and requested the head guy to do my dinner. Well, started out with a 35 minute wait (with reservations), set at two separate tables, with two separate waitresses, ours was LESS the good. Apparently 2 other tables requested the head guy as cook so he took none of us, but took the opposite table of my party instead. Our waitress was terrible, our bill was 30 dollars more than last year with the same things ordered.... need I go on. I left there thinking not only was I robbed of my money, but my time with friends cause we were separated.

My sweet friend mentioned getting Mexican ice cream from down the street, we went but they were closed... I mean really. Is this what my birthdays are going to be from now on??? We went to a pub with one of my sorority sisters afterwards, but by that point my husband was over it and ready to go home... I AM NOT THAT OLD... WTH?!?!?!?

So, now I am home with a beer in hand wondering what the heck happened to the good old days when I could go out and have fun, get a buzz, and enjoy my birthday dinner????

I guess I need to wake up and smell the roses... I am just getting OLD and birthdays mean nothing anymore than another year older and childless... :(

Sunday, July 31, 2011

He loves us...

Man I love this song! Totally moved me today in church.

How thankful I am for my church, Heartsong !!! It has made such a difference in my life over the last 8 years! We might not be the "traditional" church setting, but we are the most accepting bunch of Jesus Followers there are! If you can't make it to church next Sunday, check out the site at 9 or 11 and you can stream it live.

On a bittersweet note, its back to work tomorrow... WHERE DID THE SUMMER GO??????????????

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

A positive to make up for my negative post yesterday...


On a positive note (last post, I was pretty negative nelly), our sweet friends had their precious baby girl this morning around 6:30. I probably sound like a total contradiction when I type what I am about to type, but here goes anyway...

That baby took all the negative feelings away. I know it is so ridiculous that I can be so upset about random people I don't even know at all being pregnant, but friends who are pregnant fly me over the moon(maybe that is just God's way of keeping me sane who knows). But I am! So I got a little sweet thing fix this afternoon. She is so perfect that you know, only God himself could have made her. She makes the sweetest little noises when she sleeps. I was so excited we got to the hospital during a lull and there was no one there and we both got to hold her as long as we wanted. I took pictures like she was my own. Holding her was such a treat. She was so warm (hot actually they are like little heaters lol) and light as a feather ( 6lbs. 13 oz.).


For about 2 hours today I didn't covet what anyone else had, I was purely happy for their sweet family and the opportunity to love on that sweet little human being. We got to watch the video of her being born (truly the most amazing thing I have ever witnessed in all of my life, is the birth of a sweet little gift from God) she only pushed like 4 times, hear the story from beginning to end of the contractions, epidural, etc., and dote on her. It was fabulous. Not one time during this 2 hour period did I even think about wishing it was us, or our baby, etc. Thank You God, for that! Maybe that is just what I needed to see and be a part of. Maybe the fact that most of my friends are pregnant is truly a gift from God to me (to them too of course lol).

Still, when we went to dinner afterwards, I didn't even think about oh man I wish that was us. To me, I think this is a testament of how God hears our prayers and answers them. Not 24 hours after my cry out to him about helping me through this, he brought this sweet little gift into the world and said here you go. I am here with you. I continue to do miraculous things in your life and the lives of others.

Man I am in awe of you God! Congrats to our sweet friends who are starting a new chapter in their lives together as a Family of three (six if you count their dogs) :)

PS: Doesn't that sweet hubby of mine look like he is going to be a natural one day? :)


Monday, July 25, 2011

T is for Tough Day(s)

Ok, I know that I need to be over this, but I truly make big strides and then something happens and I feel like I am ten steps behind.... two days in a row I have felt this way.

Sunday at church, I actually must have booked it because I turned around to say something to Robbie and he wasn't there, in fact it was about 3 minutes before he caught up with me. We walked in and about 4 women happen to turn sideways as we were walking in and were so pregnant I thought I might end up delivering a few on my way into the celebration. I felt my face get hot, and was fighting back the urge to tear up. I mean we have been watching church at home the past couple of weeks because it never fails there are one or more announcements at church on any given Sunday. So of course I am like where were you, when he finally caught up. I needed him with me to help off set the totally breaking of my heart that it seems so easy for partners at my church. Of course, one thought was maybe this is God's way of saying hey Morgan SHOW UP! and maybe this could be you. GAH!!! Why does this have to be my life? I so try to see this as a gift God has given me but man sometimes I just feel like I am being punished for something I have not idea about.

Fast forward a day, and Rob O comes home from work, and heads across the street to the neighbors house. He is an older single man, with a daughter in college. She is getting married. Well, it turns out she is getting married in August, they just started talking about this in June. Well my first instinct was wow she must be knocked up. TERRIBLE isn't it. But none the less, my thoughts. Well, Robbie comes home to say guess what he just told me... I am like what ( about to be totally blind sided) Um, he said he didn't know how to tell us, but she is pregnant... oh and get this she is having TWINS. All I could say was good for him as I washed the same spot on the cabinet for about ten minutes. Then he goes on to say, I invited him to go to dinner with us. Seriously. I mean what the heck. He comes over to ride with us and says, "So, did Robbie tell you the good news?" With every bit of my being I forced out, Congrats. He told me she has a lot on her with her being such a small girl... I wanted to throw my drink at him. He knows what we have been going through and he says that to me?!?!?! At this point in the night I am thinking, I guess Robbie and I should have gotten pregnant before we got married. Maybe we would have a sweet little child out of wed lock. ***I know these thoughts are totally inappropriate, but why does this have to happen to me, and anyone else dealing with this little gift for that matter????

Hey God,
I am in desperate need of your help. Please help me to see that your will is being done, that your awesome plan for us is unfolding, and in your time we will become privy to your masterful plan for the Robbins. I need you more than I can imagine. I am crying out for your strength to carry me through these trying times. I know you are with me, just need a little help here!
Thank you,
Morgan

Monday, July 18, 2011

If I didn't answer the call before....

So, adoption has been the word of the month around the Robbins' House. And a sweet friend (who answered the call to adopt only to find out, she would be having a sweet little miracle of her own too) text me on Sat. morning and told me to go read a blog post about adoption and the questions and answers couples feeling the call to adopt. I can't even begin to thank her for this!

So, yeah it took me 1 1/2 days to get around to it, but I am so glad that I did. Another adoptive mother/ blogger, Grace In My Heart wrote probably the BEST/ MOST HELPFUL post I have ever read. She included her story and questions she and her husband had initially with both her 1st adoption and her 2nd, as well as asked her readers to post the questions and answer them on their own blog so we could read them. I literally bawled through her whole post with links to different points in her adoption timeline. Not a cry that is sad or upset, one that was uncontrollable, (much like when I hear a church song that moves me to tears). I then went on to read the comments and other's posts. If I ever wondered what it was like for God to talk to me specifically outside of each message at church, this was it.

I know that without a shadow of a doubt that this is what God has planned for The Robbins! I know that it may sound "hokie" but, I truly believe that when we aren't hearing what God is saying or we aren't sure if he is trying to tell us something, he finds multiple ways to reach you. I feel this was God with a big sign reading "To Morgan From Your Father :)"! I have prayed for Him to show me how to embark on this new journey and help me understand how we will be able to do this. And this blog post was my answer.

Today during our church Celebration, we sang, You Never Let Go, (which is one that moves me to tears every time) and man those lyrics fit perfectly, totally reassuring me that he hasn't let go, even through this storm that is called infertility. He is showing us his plans and going to hold on to us no matter what happens. Its always easier to test the water knowing you have a life jacket on... He is our life jacket!