Saturday, December 10, 2011

This Time Last Year

With the hustle and bustle of this time of year, Christmas parties, wrapping presents, etc. it is easy to get distracted. Or so I thought. I recently posted about how crazy this week has been. Well, last night started my Christmas Party going. A small group of about 10 of my sorority sisters get together every December to hang, eat, drink, and exchange gifts. It really is the best therapy and all you have to do is bring some food and a gift. LOL Talk about cheap. We also, get an angel each year so we bring all our items for the angel that night too.

So, I left work and headed home to get my mac-n-cheese in the crock pot ( Paula Dean Recipe - TO DIE FOR) and ice my cupcakes. Then I remembered that I forgot to get my dirty santa gift... could it have been the crazy week that helped with that???? So, I was a little rushed. Got everything together and headed to Target... Crazy I know. There was traffic, lots of people, but surprisingly no wait for the check out. Girls Night was only about 15 min. from commencing.

Had the address in map quest and was driving when it hit me. (Like a ton of bricks actually). Last year we were doing our iui the morning after this party. Had it actually been a year since we did iui? Then I remembered that 3 of these lovely ladies have had 4 babies since that last party, and with the week I have had... I got into a kinda bad mood. I finally found the house and got in with all my bags... I literally looked like a bag lady, gift bag, angel gifts bag, cupcake carrier ( with cupcakes turning all different directions), bag with a crock pot in it, and my purse. SERIOUSLY?!?!?

Everyone is eating drinking and being merry. I started to set my stuff out and NO LIE I dropped a whole section of my cupcake holder. 12 cupcakes fall to the floor. GREAT!!! (not the exact word I used)

I THANK GOD for these women. They helped me unwind and have fun. We laughed harder than we have in a while. We stole each other's gifts, I ended up with a cute Christmas frame and tray. We coo'd and cuddled baby Morgan Mae (yep my friend's baby is named Morgan). But as I was leaving I overheard one of the girls talking about two week wait. Not sure if she is in it, or will be at my party in two weeks, or what. But my heart sank.

On the way home, I thought about the fact that one day we will have a little bundle of joy to share with friends. But that it makes me ANGRY that when I hear someone talk about it, my first response in my head is sadness or angst. Not yay! Happy thoughts. I hate that bearing this cross sucks the air out of you and the happiness that you should be able to freely have. I have to keep faith and hope that God's reasoning is perfect and that I don't have to and am not supposed to understand.

Even if we are having our 3rd Christmas childless, I am so glad that I have friends who can make me laugh, distract me, and a God who gives me the strength and hope to know that I will have a child one day.

After all this time of year is about the most important baby of all, Jesus! Not one of my own.


  1. The holidays are fun like that, aren't they? You're busy and distracted, so you might not be thinking about things as much, but when it hits, it's like a ton of bricks. Yay for friends! And here's hoping for a much better week coming up!

  2. I absolutely hate "lightbulb moments" when they're infertility related. I'm so sorry. It had to be a rough night. I'm so glad you had wonderful friends to make you laugh and take some of the stress out of you.
    I have noticed that the longer we are on this infertility journey, the more anger/bitterness/envy I see in my own life. Its hard to stay positive. Its a daily struggle.
    Your last sentences ... this is about BABY Jesus, not my own baby ... is something I am trying so badly to take to heart this Advent. Thank you for the reminder.

  3. This IF journey does suck the air right out of you at times. I am so glad that you are blessed with a wonderful group of friends.

    Jesus is one important baby, isn't He?? Thanks for the reminder.