Around this time of year most people associate 12 with the days of Christmas.... But for me this year, it is the milestone of 12 weeks I should be celebrating. I have dealt with this loss pretty well considering (I guess... I've obviously never dealt with this type of loss before). But today, I would have been 12 weeks exactly. Our plan was to shout it from the roof tops around this time. But, silently I am sad, even cried a bit on my way to a Christmas party.
My day started with packing a small truck( not really, but no lie I looked like a bag lady walking in to school) for Polar Express day. I had to take all the ingredients for making hot chocolate from scratch, and gingerbread cookies, bells, etc. We wore our PJs and watched the movie. It was a super busy day, which really helped keep my mind off things. After school I had to burn the birthday dvd I made for my sister. While doing so I talked with Robbie about who was coming to the party and what not. Then I realized there will be pregnant people at the party. This was never really that big of a deal before, but tonight it started me thinking about what today was.
I headed off to my DG Christmas party. I always love seeing these lovely ladies. I miss seeing them as often as we used to, but everyone has life going on, children, jobs, etc. It is always great to see them and laugh about stupid things, catch up on what is going on with everyone. We play dirty Santa and this year I lost the most awesome gift. But that is ok, its not about that. Tonight was tough at times. Only 2 of these girls know about our loss. So, I couldn't really talk about it. We are throwing a Christmas party tomorrow night and I had to leave earlier than usual so I could finish shopping for the party and come home to clean up the house... Here I sit writing a blog post instead. I am just worn out. Why is it that when we have so much going on we are so worn out it almost seems impossible to get anything done.
I am rambling now... I need to go to bed, but I just needed to tell someone about my struggle today. I don't want talk to the hubs about it because I don't want him to get upset or down in the dumps about it. I guess I will always have days like these. I am grateful that I don't have them that often. I am also grateful that so many people are praying for me and our journey. I think that that might just be the reason I have fewer sad days that happy.
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