Monday, August 26, 2013

another one bites the dust... I am sure I have used this title before

Well another cycle has come and gone. The last one started with the news of a niece or nephew... We weren't/ aren't getting all crazy this go round with trying and timing and the psycho stuff that it can turn into... But we also aren't trying not to get pregnant. Although it seems my body might be doing that on its own. So, I was hopeful. We really did synchronize around the right times, but then somehow I got off on a couple of days, so I thought that there might be a chance since I miscounted. No such luck, when I figured out my counting error... Clock work here she comes. So, another one bites the dust.

I really have a strange feeling deep inside that says we are still going to have trouble. I am really honestly trying to stop my negative thoughts about this, but they keep coming back. The thought that I could actually get pregnant is like... well the topic with my class today... A unicorn! Yes, we are studying realism and fantasy this week. You guessed it, we discussed how we would all love to have a unicorn, because they are SO FLUFFY and we LOVE THEM!!! (from Despicable Me) but, that they really are mythical creatures, to which we finally came to consensus that they were in fact a fantasy.  So, too is my thought of being a mother. I am trying to put my faith in it... but something keeps nagging at me saying, you know this isn't supposed to be or going to be a real thing in your life. I am sure that this is just the "darkness" creeping in. I am not all doom and gloom about it or anything, but it does still hang over my head.
Anyway... This is just my quick thought for the night...


  1. Those moments of hope that sneak in, whether due to mis-counting (been there, done that!) or for no reason at all are the ones that seem to get very big very quickly, only to be burst very quickly.

    I totally get the unicorn analogy, sometimes I wonder if we are doing the same thing, hoping for something that is impossible. I wish had a solution for you :(.

    I am praying!!!

    1. Thank you so much Rebecca! I am praying for you too! I've hidden this part of my journey for a year or two now... because I had too much other baggage to deal with and make right, so the IF hurt took the back burner. Now being thrust back into it again... its all coming back...