First, we have some people some stupid (yes I said that) people in the city we live in. This whole school consolidation issue has really been worrying me. Apparently the City of Memphis and MCS are the only people in the county that should have a say in sending our schools down the toilet. It just makes me crazy. I am one of those people who crave playing by the rules or not playing. Fairness is big with me. THIS IS NOT FAIR!!!! Not a single person has talked about what will happen to the kids and their education with a super-sized school system. In a world where, "Do you want fries with that?" Super sizing seems to be a bad thing every angle you look at it. We are about to embark on a route straight to kids working at McD's for the rest of their lives. The uncertainty is really want kills me. I am NOT a quitter. I have always tried to finish things no matter how badly I wanted to quit. MCS school board seems to be ok on quitting the children, but then want to take over our school system. WHAT??????? Are they MENTAL????? If ever you have prayed for MCS please do so as hard as you can right now, as well as the miss informed citizens who are jumping on a band wagon of miss-information. This is crucial!!!
Ok, we all know that we have been on a roller coaster ride this last 20 months of our lives trying desperately for a little miracle from God. Well, along this ride I have been on many ebbs and flows. It does get discouraging. There are times in the past that I have been down right distraught. Yes, I want to have my baby in my arms. But, it just isn't time yet. God's time is not ours to judge. It has taken me a long 20 months to come to grips with that. There were many times when I had (or so I thought) given it to God and then realized I was still trying to control it. Well, there are people out there who have made it harder for those who aren't pregnant and those who are trying to tell those who aren't.
Its hard enough for both parties to exchange the info, I mean its an awkward convo to have. But then there are people who make the non pregnant ones out to be tyrants who will hate you if you tell them which scares the preggos. We (infer tiles) already feel like we are one eyed aliens for not being able to join the pregnant world. The last thing we want is for people to walk around on eggshells around us. Well, at some point someone decided that pity for us is what they needed to have. Well, I might be speaking for myself and myself only, but I have never been mad at anyone who has become pregnant during our troubles. But, being out there, there have been many people who have become pregnant, (always seems like everyone when you are trying and not getting pregnant), that have been scared or worried to tell me. One person even apologized in advance for getting pregnant before me. At first I was worried it was the way I acted around them. Don't get me wrong, I have been sad to find out for me, but never for the mom to be. It seems that too many people these days think that it is all about them, um... no, its about being happy for the mom and baby to be. So, I realized it wasn't me at all, its those who have come before me, the ones who tell others they are mad that someone is pregnant and not them, or those who quit being around because the friend is pregnant.
Disclaimer - this is not meant to hurt anyone's feeling(as I know some people do), this is just an observation that I have had. It just sucks that I have friends who are lead to believe that I am going to take the news a certain way because of others. When all I want to do is be happy for them, be excited, and a friend.
I have come to realize 2 things. 1 - God is in control, deal with it. "With God all things are possible" didn't mean when we wanted them to be possible. Maybe I won't be a mother of my own biological kids one day, but I know that God will make it possible for me to be a mom to someone. 2- We need to get out of Shelby County before we are taxed to death with the backwards ways of the consolidation concept.
So to sum it up, in the words of Billy Currington, God is Great, Beer is Good (I'm drinking one now), and People are CRAZY!!!