“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.”
- C. S. Lewis
This quote made me laugh at first then it made me think. Its true, the only way to get across is to let go. I remember as a child trying to "get" monkey bars... The fear of letting go was bigger than the want to get across for me for a long time. I would get up there and hang... then try to get my feet back on and if I couldn't instead of just trying to grab a hold of the next bar, I would let go and fall to the ground. Honestly, it took me a long time to actually cross them. Of course not long after I figured them out and had the courage to let go and cross them... I ended up getting to big to have fun on them anymore.
Anyway my point is, that in the past year I have had lots of monkey bars to cross. I hesitated often, sometimes I let go and moved on, others I stalled out and hung there until I couldn't anymore and just fell to the ground. Sometimes I could easily dust myself off and try it again, others it was much harder to even climb back on to the steps. Sometimes, especially in December, I could feel the prayers carry me right across to the other side. And really if I stop and think about it, the times I fell were not because I didn't have prayers helping me or God there to help me cross. I just didn't want to hear/ feel the help or encouragement to let go and move across.
In this new year, I hope that I will keep this quote in mind. I feel like I have let go and left a lot of things that happened last year in the past. I am looking forward to this year being even more of a blessing. I want to try very hard to not let little down falls, or experiences define me for very long if at all. I know that in order to be where I am right now, I needed to experience everything that have. I pray that in this new year I can let go without fear. I know God has this and I need to trust him more. I have in the past said "oh I am giving it all to him"... YEAH RIGHT! I always came back with but maybe I can do this part, or I trust him but just in case I am going to do xyz... This year I am truly going to try to give it up. I really had an awesome Dec. knowing prayers were lifted for me, it was so much better that I had envisioned it. I was more focused in my prayers as well. It shows me that I can be at least a little less fearful if I stay focused on God's help through everything (this is nothing new, but I think I might have lost sight of this through out the year).
This past Sunday's message was on a lot... Our minister's son gave the message and he jumps around a lot, but he's in divinity school, so he is learning... But, ultimately he was telling us that we are the messengers here on Earth and for our churches. We need to live our lives in a way that others not only see that what we say about our beliefs is truly what we believe and live by, but also that they want to know more about our beliefs. I want to strive to do this more. I am very open to talk to people about my faith if they ask... But I need to be more open to bring it up or share with someone I might otherwise in the past not.
In a nut shell I want to live in a way that not only am I crossing monkey bars... I want to help others do the same. First, I am letting go of the fear of another miscarriage. I want to cross these monkey bars. Am I going to be concerned, yes! But worrying about it will only make things worse. If God's plan has for us to get pregnant again, I will not worry myself to death. I will slowly and carefully cross those monkey bars as we get to them.