Monday, July 25, 2011

T is for Tough Day(s)

Ok, I know that I need to be over this, but I truly make big strides and then something happens and I feel like I am ten steps behind.... two days in a row I have felt this way.

Sunday at church, I actually must have booked it because I turned around to say something to Robbie and he wasn't there, in fact it was about 3 minutes before he caught up with me. We walked in and about 4 women happen to turn sideways as we were walking in and were so pregnant I thought I might end up delivering a few on my way into the celebration. I felt my face get hot, and was fighting back the urge to tear up. I mean we have been watching church at home the past couple of weeks because it never fails there are one or more announcements at church on any given Sunday. So of course I am like where were you, when he finally caught up. I needed him with me to help off set the totally breaking of my heart that it seems so easy for partners at my church. Of course, one thought was maybe this is God's way of saying hey Morgan SHOW UP! and maybe this could be you. GAH!!! Why does this have to be my life? I so try to see this as a gift God has given me but man sometimes I just feel like I am being punished for something I have not idea about.

Fast forward a day, and Rob O comes home from work, and heads across the street to the neighbors house. He is an older single man, with a daughter in college. She is getting married. Well, it turns out she is getting married in August, they just started talking about this in June. Well my first instinct was wow she must be knocked up. TERRIBLE isn't it. But none the less, my thoughts. Well, Robbie comes home to say guess what he just told me... I am like what ( about to be totally blind sided) Um, he said he didn't know how to tell us, but she is pregnant... oh and get this she is having TWINS. All I could say was good for him as I washed the same spot on the cabinet for about ten minutes. Then he goes on to say, I invited him to go to dinner with us. Seriously. I mean what the heck. He comes over to ride with us and says, "So, did Robbie tell you the good news?" With every bit of my being I forced out, Congrats. He told me she has a lot on her with her being such a small girl... I wanted to throw my drink at him. He knows what we have been going through and he says that to me?!?!?! At this point in the night I am thinking, I guess Robbie and I should have gotten pregnant before we got married. Maybe we would have a sweet little child out of wed lock. ***I know these thoughts are totally inappropriate, but why does this have to happen to me, and anyone else dealing with this little gift for that matter????

Hey God,
I am in desperate need of your help. Please help me to see that your will is being done, that your awesome plan for us is unfolding, and in your time we will become privy to your masterful plan for the Robbins. I need you more than I can imagine. I am crying out for your strength to carry me through these trying times. I know you are with me, just need a little help here!
Thank you,

1 comment:

  1. Morgan, I want to cry reading your post because I know that feeling. Honestly, people have no idea what to say or to say it. Just wanted you to know that I thinking about you and will keep you in my prayers still. Love you!