Wednesday, October 16, 2013

and so it goes... back to reality

I was so hopeful. I was do excited. I am so sad. All the feelings of my posts back when we were trying are ALL BACK! :( I guess I had removed myself from those thoughts and feelings after time blocked them out. But its like the Celine Dion Song, Its all coming back to me now. Our timing was perfect. I propped my hips for 1 hr instead of 30 mins... And then I got some weird fever and terrible headache... temps when sideways and way high and have been erratic at best since. I have had all the tell tale signs the monthly visitor is on her way.

No, I never ever thought I could fully forget the feelings of the cross of IF, but when you aren't actively trying its a little (I use this word loosely) less tough. But, then as stark white test zaps you back into the reality. then the ever foreboding temp drop...

I know we will be ok, but not without the tears, and invisible bruises from being knocked off my feet. I know and felt so many prayers over this past month. I thank you for that! Not everyone knows about this, so I know the prayers I felt were from you.

I have a very good friend at work, she is a bit of a none believer. It bothers me but, I know that God wants me to never let her go! She is an amazing friend. I love her like a sister. I pray for her daily. Anyway, she is a bit older than me, but single and has had some rough patches along her journey. When I first met her she was thinking of adopting since she was sure she would never remarry. Today, God put her right where I needed her. She brought me the most precious gift. I know that she wanted a baby probably just as badly as I do, at one point. Did I mention she is an art teacher? Well, she makes awesome art. Below is a picture of the precious gift she gave me today.  She said she wanted me to have it. She made it back when she was trying and hoped it helped with good baby vibes.

I bawled right there in front of everyone in the office when she gave it to me. 
So with this post I will start yet another cycle in the next day or so. 


  1. so sorry, sending hugs & prayers your way.

  2. I'm so sorry. It really never goes away, I don't think anyway. Prayers and hugs coming to you!

  3. Thanks Ladies! Praying for you both also!!!

  4. That was so sweet of your friend! Hope is such a tough virtue. I thought faith and love were the hard work ones, but I think hope is at least as tough. Because hope deferred is so painful, and choosing to hang onto hope in the midst of the pain and knowing it will likely bring more pain is SO hard. Praying for you!

  5. I'm so sorry this path is so hard.

    We're starting up a Catholic IF Support Group here in Memphis come January. Would you like to be a part? Do you know Mary Pat Van Epps? She's coordinating it. I'd love to have you meet with us. It'll be nice to have an in-person support group as we continue on this difficult journey.

    Saying prayers for you!

  6. I'm so sorry.
    Your friend made such a beautiful statue! I love it! Sending hugs your way.