Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Deja, Deja, Deja, vu... but much more hopeful

So, this cycle we are going all in. All chips are in the middle of the table. I splurged and bought digital opks... those lines are always so hard to read anyway. Robbie asked me today did you get a smiley face? No pressure, lol. I started charting and temping again. I even bought tests in case the stars were aligned and it was finally our time. I think that the announcements lately have really got him wanting a baby. He gushes about having a girl and talks to Zeke about protecting her. It is so sweet... but makes me so nervous.  Of course we will have to make sure Zoe wouldn't eat her... she's a bit territorial. But, really... if you want one you end up with the other right? If one at all. So, I haven't put all the eggs in one basket yet. Shoot I just hope to put 1 egg in my basket. lol

I know my body is in such a better place than it ever was before when we were actively trying. I know that my cycles are more regular than ever. I also know that our timing wasn't too off last month. I wish I could go back to when we first got married before all this infertility stuff and just try to make a baby the fun old fashioned way.... or maybe even just do that to do it not to try to create a mini version of us.

Anyway, I am having a bit of deja vu. I am really hoping that history doesn't repeat itself. I am asking begging really if you read this, please pray for us, and that God has it in our plan to get pregnant sooner than later. I should ovulate end of the week/ weekend... I would appreciate it. I just feel like the more friends I have praying the easier it will be to get through this and hopefully have our prayers answered this time.

The completely selfish side of me, knows that it would make is so much more bearable to go through my sisters pregnancy if I too had the promise of a little miracle baby not long after her. But, I know that might not be God's plan. But, this cycle will end about the same time I have to go to the dr with her to find out what she is having.... I am in charge of the reveal.... Yes, I am a glutton for punishment. I have already cried about twice. I have to suck it up and just do it. But I have already warned my parents I will probably not make it through it very well. Especially seeing that it will only be a couple of days after I know yes or no :(

Side bar... I might just have to hide her on facebook...I can't bear to read her pregnancy comments and then see my mom so excited and proclaiming that she is going to have a baby girl. My dad doesn't get it at all, he told me the other day I need to just be happy about it. Oh no he didn't! Some people will NEVER understand!!!

I will just keep remembering : Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1


  1. I'm praying for you!! Not only for a little baby blessing, but also to help you remain strong through your sister's pregnancy. My sister and 2 best friends are all pregnant now, due in February, so I know how you are feeling. Hugs!

  2. Know that I'm praying for you! And don't worry about hiding her on Facebook, I think you can always un hide her later. Sometimes parents don't understand, and I think that's another wound to the heart. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you, and I will pray daily for your success this cycle.

  3. Sending lots of prayers your way - so grateful for your hope :).

  4. I am praying, for sure! I love your hope, even knowing that you could be looking at a very painful next couple of weeks. That is so hard, but so beautiful.