The post I have never wanted to read or write myself...

God works in miraculous ways. The morning after my last post I woke up to a little temp jump so I said , what the heck! and took a test, I mean I had one a few. I mean I expected it was negative and I would start sometime that day anyway. But to my wondering eyes a very faint positive was right there on the test. I was sure it was just a fluke. All day I was waiting to start. But realized, I too could have a BFP on my hands. I took another test that night and bam much darker very obvious positive. The next morning I used the last First Response I had left... TWO PINK LINES!!! I was in complete SHOCK!

Almost 4 1/2 years of trying with no positive ever, I was beside myself. I was conflicted because I had written the post on Wednesday and do I tell my blogger buddies... But due to the fact that I know too many who have had complications, I decided to keep mums the word. I told my hubs by having him open the book "Dude, You're Going to Be a Dad!" He was much like me cautiously optimistic... shoot he was over the moon. He was on the phone with his best friend for so long he burned our dinner. :)

I bought more test but spaced them out until my dr. appointment on Friday. I got positives each time even on the digitals. Man the rush of emotions of getting the word pregnant on those tests. I had instant forgetfulness, and horribly sore tatas. I had wavering nausea and was exhausted. So, I didn't worry at that point other than the fact that the positive tests weren't getting as dark as the control lines.

I got to my dr. appointment on Friday and was a little worried when the test at the office was pretty faint. But my dr. reassured me that their tests were less sensitive than the ones you buy at the store. Then I had an ultrasound with the most insensitive tech ever!!! She started by saying she was so behind... Then she went on to say that it was the tiniest little sac she had ever seen... must be like 3 weeks... mind you in my mind I am thinking I should be at about 5 weeks.... The she went on a rant about how those tests make her cringe because people take them before they should have a period and at that point you might have a fertilized egg... but things can happen. I was mortified when I got done. I did freak out for a little. My Dr. made me feel better with maybe I ovulated late and that there was a sac... it was probably just too early.

Fast forward to Saturday(yesterday). We had our pictures taken by a friend and AWESOME photographer! I was so excited we took regular pics but also some pics that we would use to announce the pregnancy to our family and then our friends. I can't wait to see them, these are also my 90 lbs weight loss pics.  Afterwards I met my parents, sister, and her fiance at our local baseball team's stadium for a special showing of Hocus Pocus on the jumbotron.  It was fun. My sister and I know pretty much every line of that movie from our childhood. :) But, while there I started spotting. Through out the night it progressively got worse. This morning a test confirmed I was no longer pregnant and was having a miscarriage.

Today has been a roller coaster of emotions. I have such a wonderful family and bunch of friends though. My work colleagues have taken over everything for my class. I don't have to worry with sub plans or what is going on with my kiddos because they are taking care of it all for me. They even offered to come do my laundry and grade my papers. My best friend has offered to take off work in the morning to go to the Dr. with me. My husband took care of me until he had to go to work but had my mom come over to stay with me while he was at work. She brought me Reese's peanut butter pumpkins, took me to Starbucks (I sat in the car), and watched NeNe's wedding marathon (train wreck... can't stop watching).  It is truly amazing how the symptoms have vanished so quickly... tatas normal, bloating going away, temp back down.... Pregnant one min, not the next. How quickly things can change.

I will be OK... I know I can now get pregnant... my hope is still in tack... I am just a little shaken. Little One, I am sad now, but know you are going to be watching down on us!