Well yesterday I went back to the dr to have more blood work. It appears that my levels were low on Friday when I went in for the confirmation appointment. So, the process had already started without knowing.... I did have an inkling of an idea when the test was faint and the ultrasounds "tiniest little sac" comment. Yesterday, my hcg had gone down from 49 to 4, so we are almost done. My dr said that my progesterone was low on friday and that to be safe next time as soon as I get a positive test to start the progesterone.
So I have the prescription already... See he gave me the prescription on Friday, but Kroger didn't call me to tell me they don't fill that in their pharmacy so when I went to pick it up it was already after hours for the pharmacy that does and guess what??? All of the pharmacies that do fill that are closed on the weekends. :(
I am doing better than I thought. I still can't say it without bursting into tears. I am not sure I will ever be able to. The bleeding has almost stopped. Thank God! I think that is what makes it worse... seeing my pregnancy flush down the toilet (sorry so blunt... but that is literally what I have done for the past 2 1/2 days).
Today is a bittersweet day in our family. Aside from dealing with this loss, I was supposed to go with my sister at 2 to find out what she is having. Oh how things change in the blink of an eye. Now, I am not going, I am practicing my put on a happy face for when she tells me what she is having.
Why oh why does this have to happen? What a horrible experience. I know that this happened because something was not right... but why let it happen at all if its not going to be right? I know its nothing we did, I know its better this way, but that does not change the hurt and pain! I know I am not alone in this thought process or experience. I hate that any one of us ever has to go through this. I guess as my dad has always told me, "it builds character." But even he said, I have my fill of character and this just sucks! The only thing I can do is cry out to Jesus! I have not been able to get that song out of my head since Saturday night.
Thank you for all of your prayers. We need them and feel them.
A Big First Day
2 weeks ago